John Mccain @ MindSay

Its seems Republican Presidential candidate John McCain secretly wishes he was a comedian working the Catskills circuit on top of his dream of being president before he croaks.
A fresh light is being shone on when Grumpy Smurf tried his hand at stand up with this gem from 1986 that will no doubt go back into his regular routine at the Friars Club along with jokes about Chelsea Clinton ("Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."), Iran ("Bomb, bomb, bomb. Bomb, bomb Iran"), the old stand-by "When did you stop beating your wife?" gag, and let's not forget McCain's expressing his inner Henny Youngman by using Cindy McCain in his act ("At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt."):

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, ‘Where is that marvelous ape?’

BA-DUM-BUM!!! Man, rape jokes are funny enough on their own but when you mix them with any form of simian it becomes comedy gold. Mccain is a comedy stylist par excellence.
I swear its like John McCain is subconsciously trying to lose this election what with his constant public flubs and increasingly directionless campaign.
Of course you'd think that running against such a trainwreck would guarantee a cakewalk to the White House for the O-Man but according to a recent Gallup poll these two assholes are in a statistical deadheat with Obama at 45% and McCain at 44%.

(from Encyclopedia Dramatica)

McCain on the Issues

• Abortion: I'M A WAR HERO
• American principles: I'M A WAR HERO
• Civil rights: I'M A WAR HERO
• Disabilities: I'M A WAR HERO
• Economy: I'M A WAR HERO
• Education: I'M A WAR HERO
• Energy: I'M A WAR HERO
• Environment: I'M A WAR HERO
• Ethics: I'M A WAR HERO
• Family: I'M A WAR HERO
• Fiscal: I'M A WAR HERO
• Foreign Policy: I'M A WAR HERO, AND I'LL BOMB THE GOOKS
• Gun Control: I'M A WAR HERO
• Health care: I'M A WAR HERO
• Homeland Security: I'M A WAR HERO
• Immigration: I'M A WAR HERO
• Iraq: I'M A WAR HERO
• Political Experience : I'M A WAR HERO
• Poverty: I'M A WAR HERO
• Prostitution: I'M A WAR HERO
• Rural: I'M A WAR HERO
• Service: I'M A WAR HERO
• Seniors & Social Security: I'M A WAR HERO
• Technology: I'M A WAR HERO
• Use of the I'M A WAR HERO
• Veterans: I'M A WAR HERO

(from Freedom and Reason)

John McCain said it instead:

A few short months ago, Barack Obama outwardly opposed terrorist surveillance legislation, saying that he would filibuster any bill that includes immunity for American telecommunications companies that had been asked by the government to participate in the program. Today, the U.S. Senate will approve legislation providing the immunity Barack Obama supposedly opposed, and despite his promise, he will not support a filibuster. What Barack Obama will do is show that he's willing to change positions, break campaign commitments and undermine his own words in his quest for higher office.

I am still hopeful that Hillary will vote against the bill.

Every election year, the only two people the media ever wants to talk about are the two major party candidates. The Democrats push out yet another rich martini-swilling progressive while the Republicans yell "next" and present the next rich scary-looking old man in line.

During the primaries, each candidate becomes a champion of their party's values. The Democrats are all super-liberal and super-progressive, promising vast sweeping social reforms and government programs galore. The Republicans are all real conservatives, ready to bring this country back to a smaller government and more open market. Then, the primaries end, the candidates are chosen, and both start sounding a lot more like each other. We have John McCain being an environmentalist, and Barack Obama citing "safety of the American people" when he votes to give the government more warrant-less wiretapping powers. Before you know it, Obama will be an Iraq War supporter.

It's clear that the worst time to determine a politician's loyalties is an election year. Pandering to every voter interest possible inevitably leads to contradiction and policy "flip-flopping." What's also clear is that when no one is trying to garner votes, the party lines are substantially blurred. The Republicans and Democrats work essentially as one party in the "off season." As a result, nothing ever changes.

People do recognize this. Many do not get involved in politics, citing "they're all the same" as the reason. So why is it, election after election, these same people pick the person they hate over the person they really hate? Why don't they vote for a third-party candidate?

The reason is because people love to be right, and too often, voters will vote for who they think will win rather than who they like. Voting for a third party candidate is seen as throwing a vote away, or worse yet, giving it to the enemy. Many cite Ralph Nader's 2000 campaign as an example. Nader is blamed for Gore's defeat because those making the claim assume that if Nader wasn't running, all of his votes would have gone to Gore. Many of them probably would have, but there is also one other important fact: Gore won the popular vote in Florida and thus the 2000 election. It was the supreme court that made the determination that Bush won. Nader's votes wouldn't have tipped the scales because they were already tipped in Gore's favor.

But even if that sentiment was true, it was the sentiment itself that made it so. It's not impossible for a third party candidate to win an election. Ross Perot, and independent candidate, actually polled as the winner in the 1992 presidential elections for a short time. Perhaps if he hadn't dropped out of the race, we would have had 8 years of President Perot in the 90's.

Many are fed up with the one political party that masquerades as two come election time, but are still drawn to vote for it when the crucial moment comes. Some may be genuinely fooled (yet again) by campaign rhetoric, but the vast majority I feel continue voting for the same corrupt system because they get caught up in the black-and-white, us-vs-them mentality. To them, they may not like the candidate they're voting for, but they really hate the other candidate. They feel the risk is too great to vote third party. The problem is, once again, that voting for a major party because you don't believe a third party candidate can win is precisely why third party candidates don't win.

I was a victim of the same reasoning. As an Obama supporter, I began to excuse more and more minor shifts in direction he exhibited. When the controversy over FISA started, I adopted a "wait and see" attitude. Obama promised us he was different. He wasn't just another politician, and he was true to his ideals. I trusted his words against FISA (including those against telecom immunity) meant that when given the opportunity to act against it, he would do so.

When Obama had the chance to seize that opportunity, he changed his mind, and instead supported the FISA bill in the end. That's when I realized that he is, in fact, just another Republi-crat. Now that he's not courting the left wing, his politics are diving strictly to the center, where he believes he will get more votes. Now he's starting to talk about safety, and how great of a reason it is to give the government unprecedented spying abilities and let large corporations off the hook for violating the law.

On the conservative side, McCain has long been a disappointment to conservatives. His record as a conservative is paltry at best, and often throws in with Democrats in order to propose very liberal (to the conservatives anyway) legislation.

As I thought about these things, I realized that there is a battle between two political wills in this country, but not between the two that most people think. No, the battle is between the Republi-crat establishment and the minor party rebellion. These parties, whether it be the Libertarian, Green, or Constitution Party are the only ones that are advocating real, sweeping change. You want an interesting debate? I would much rather see Ralph Nader go up against Bob Barr than watch Barack Obama and John McCain pretend to disagree with each other. I know where Nader and Barr stand. They actually have sharply different ideas on how to run this country. There are more issues at stake than just pro-war vs. anti-war.

To anyone reading this who is reading this, who is fed up with Obama and disappointed by McCain, I beg you to seriously consider your political alternatives. Really think about what the purpose of an election is, and above all, remember that in order for a third party candidate to really win this time, it takes your, yes your vote. Ignore the polls, ignore the media. They're bought and paid for by the political institution. They'll ignore Barr, Nader, McKinney, or Baldwin no matter what the polls show. Sure, they throw the rebels a bone once in a while, but the vast majority of their time is on the candidates who are part of the system. I'm proud that I'll be voting this November for Ralph Nader, because I know I'll be voting for real hope and real change from someone that has actually changed things for the better. I hope you can feel the same way when you pull the lever this November, regardless of who your candidate is.

John McCain likes to spend money.  Unfortunately, this isn't his wife's money. This latest spending spree is going to be bankrolled by you, the American taxpayer.

The government-chartered companies, which own or guarantee about half the $12 trillion of U.S. mortgages, can count on a federal lifeline, said Republican Senator John McCain, of Arizona, and Democratic Senator Charles Schumer, of New York.

The remarks by the presumptive Republican presidential candidate and the head of the congressional Joint Economic Committee followed a slide in the firms' shares to the lowest level since 1991. They indicate Congress would push the administration to use government funds to prevent the companies from failing and threatening a deeper housing recession.

``They must not fail,'' McCain said today during a campaign stop in Belleville, Michigan. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac ``are vital to Americans' ability to own their own homes,'' he said at an earlier stop in the state, one of the worst affected by the surge in foreclosures. (Source)

That's right, kids!  You're gonna get to buy out the Maes and Macs.  You bought out Bear Stearns, but this is going to be so much bigger.  This is going to cost multiples of the current national deficit before it is all over.  Someone stop McCain before he bails these crooks out again!