Jesse W @ MindSay

So yet another rollercoaster type day full of emotions.

the girls came over which was wonderful! i love those girls so much. seriously. i dont think i can ever be sad around them... heh.

after they left i talked to trina pretty much all day! which was cool since we needed to catch up... on holy cow everything.... sex.. love.. friendship.. hate.. misery... everything.

i also had another day of tag of war between the phone convos (like the other day with jake then jesse... then jake.. then jesse.. like 6 times.) today it went jesse.... then my mom.. then trina... then jake... then jesse. goodness.

but sadly i hate to admit i cried. i cried over jesse. fucking prick. i hurt his feelings though. i told him not to get an std in michigan when he leaves tomorrow. hahaha. but yeah. trina thinks i shouldnt talk to him... but idk. i feel like i want to forget him but at the same time i really really dont want to. i dont want to like him. i told him the other night how i wasnt initally attracted to him. he said he knew. i asked him tonight why he pursued me even though he knew i didnt feel for him.. he said because he doesnt care about how people see him. which doesnt really explain it.. but whatever.

it was really nice hearing from jake though. i totally didnt expect it... he was high.. and drunk.. and in mason city..and he and his friend were geting ready to go sell a bag of cocaine. i dunno if he was joking. but who knows... hahaha. hes a funny kid. he was like 'i own this town' for like the 80th time. i dunno what i have gotten myself into. i told jesse and he said not the right kinda guy. ugh shut the fuck up faggot. he made me really sad.. when he was telling me about a girl.. not the one he loved. just some girl who broke up with him and he tried to get back with her really hard (on top of a 96 hour week of work and school) and he got her back but then she cheated on him. its funny but wtf is it that he doesnt fight for me like he did for her. fucker.

who the fuck wouldnt want me?!!?

whatever.

so i painted tonight. im not done. but i like it thus far. here it is:

bah it looks gay there and all streched out...

i dunno. ill edit it still... put in more colors or something. and of course some lyrics or something where its blank on top. but yeah. i like it sorta. keeps my mind off of things. i cant believe i tol trina i wanted to give it to jesse. fuck him. hahah.

tonight hasnt only been bad for me though... tracey had a rough night (over the guy mike shes liked forever (that my mike who i hung out with guitar mike said her mike was a pussy jerk) so i guess he was right. mike said he might date tracey in the summer (to her friend hayden who likes tracey) but he said he also just might play the field since theres so many hotter girls out there... :-/ ouch.

also violet and her bf broke up tonight. so were gonna hang out tomorrow after work hopefully.

which reminds me. yuck i have to work tomrorow. i really liked my two days off (thank u robert.. before you quit) hehe.

i didnt hang out with anyone tonight. coulda gotten drunk with giutar mike.. coulda went to chicago to a hooka bar with same and josh and steve and all them... didnt. coulda gone SOMEWHERE. but didnt. gosh im pathetic.

but yeah. it was really sweet hearing from jake unexpectedly. i mean jesse never called me when he was out of town... but then again he left illinois. jake just went 3 hours south of here.. hehe.

gosh i swear im going to end up alone.

but yeah so me n mom r gonna get our hair done (before mexico) gosh i cant wait!!! seriously.

and we can all see why. haha allright. time for me to go take a shower and try to convince a 14 year old that im not his soul mate <3 night loves.

My Life Is Too Full Of Chaos I Hate It So Bad, Yea My Sisters Mad At Jesse Again And  Just Yesterday My Mom Started To Like Jesse Again She Even Gave Him A Hug And Gosh When I Left Yesterday I Was So Happy Because After Not Getting To See Him Or Hug Him For A Whole Month I Finally Got To In Then In A Split Second It Was All Taken Away. Its Too Much For Me To Say Now And It Hurts Too Much To Talk About But I Promise I Will Tell You All Soon, As Soon As It Doesnt Hurt Anymore. I Wrote A Poem For Jesse Here It Is:

 I Got The Idea To Write It From My Friend, But Other Than That I Pretty Much Wrote It But Yea She Helped A Little. Well I Gotta Go Find Something To Do Bye.

Iam So Bored Just Doing Stuff Well I Feel Hella Bored, Lonely, sad & Depressed. Gosh I Feel As If Iam Slowly Dying Inside I Guess I Will Have To Write A Poem About My Feelings As Usal But Yea I Think Even My Mom Knows Iam Pissed She Thinks I Shouldent Be But Iam And I Doesnt Madder If Jesse Has Herpes Or Not No Madder What I Still Want To Be His Friend It Doesnt Mean Iam Going To Fuck Him, Because We Already Talked About That When He Thought I Was Nervous About Being Alone With Him But No He Has Way To Much Respect For Me And Acording To Everybody He Claims He Loves Me I Dont Think Weather I Belive It Or Not But Thats What Steph, Chris, G, Nichole & Kayleen All Tell Me But idk What To Belive Iam Just Too Fusturated And I Feel Too Much Hate For Shanell & Jesse Both Right Now But I Have To Find Some Way To Deal Soon I Think I Will Have My Justice When I Beat The Fuck Outta Shanell But For Now Iam Going To Sleep On It.

~Casey

Well Ive Disided Since I Never Write A Very Long Blog So Iam Taking Time To Due So Id Like To More Often But Unfortunatly Nobody In My House Hold Finds It Rude To Look Over Someones Shoulder As They Right Private Thoughts In There Blog This Is The Whole Reason Why I Havent Wrote About Jesse Plus If By Any Chance Some Comes On Here That Knows Him (Serously Doubt That) But Yea I Do Still Like Him But Hes Not Really Allowed To Hang Around Me Until He Admits He Lied About Some Stuff But I Blame It On My Sister That Day At The BBQ Jesse Wanted To Stay With Me But My Sister Made Him Leave Then They Went To Kayleens And Got Drunk And He Was Making Out With Her Sister & Then After Wards He Told ppl That My Sister Was Making Out With Kayleens Sister But He Straight Up New That She Didnt And That He Was The One Kissing Her, Then He Left My Sister At Kayleens At 4:00Am To Walk Home By Herself. There Fore Jesse Is Not Allowed To Hang Around Me Until He Apoligizes To My Sister And Tells Everyone The Truth, And I Miss Him Its Almost Been A Month.

~Casey