Jason @ MindSay

 I had a dream last night where I was convinced that I had murdered at least 3 people - one guy called 'Jason' with a butterfly knife (I've only ever known one Jason, and that was years back, and he seemed awright) - another with a handgun of some sort (at first a desert eagle but it might've changed) - and the 3rd one I can't remember what i did. I left 'Jason' in a pond so that he'd decompose, I didn't think about his skeleton or the body floating back up (weren't issues in the dream) - and with all 3 I have no idea what i did with the weapon - but it disapeared. I don't remember anything else about any of the deeds themselves other than that it was somehow connected to when I was young and in swimming class - they suggested that it was time for me to move onto an older group of swimming class. I have no idea what the motive for any of them were.

In the dream I told my parents and they were bothered by it, but still treated me in a straightforward +decent manner because I was their son. Later in the dream I realised that the two that weren't 'Jason' were dreams - but I was still convinced that I had murdered jason, and although I was bothered by my status as murderer, and possibly damned to hell, I figured that it wouldn't change my objective in life, I have nothing to lost by trying to make something good come out of it despite circumstances, and regardless of my own fate, or of the overall life. I told them I was dangerous, but no more so now than before, because I made the decision to do it before I was a "murderer" - and besides I knew in the past I had impulses to kill+suicide anyway - which I resisted in all but this case. I didn't blame myself for feeling these impulses because i don't think we can help entirely what we feel - but my restraint in the real world is good I think - the feelings have passed now - but I realised I might as well be a murderer in real life because I lacked the restraint in the dream, when it seemed real anyway - when you think it's real is it any different to doing it in life? - the consequences might be different, but importantly the intentions are the same

Just before I woke up I realised that 'Jason' was also a dream. I think I had this dream because:
- I had thought about murder after playing the game Farenheit a couple of days back
- I was uncomfortable with the idea of thinking of myself as a murderer, and hadn't thought what I would do with my life afterwards if it was true - here I dealt with that
- I don't know if I was a real murderer in a past life, i could be, but I wouldn't hold anyone ransom to their past
- It showed that when you believe something to be true, it might as well be real as far as your intention goes, even in dream
- I wouldn't stay convinced I was a murderer after I woke up - i'd realise that i'd never even touched any of those weapons

So, good news. My friend Jason (that would be Jason M, not Jason F) and his wife Sarah are expecting a baby this coming November.

 

This is their second child, the first being son Joshua, rapidly approaching the age of 3.

 

I am hoping they have a little girl (for balance and all) and then they could name her Olivia. Isn't that a pretty name?

 

More on the babe when they find out its gender at the end of June.

 

In the meantime...Congratulations to all three of them on their upcoming addition!

 

Thursday night, chris and catherine, liz and I went to applebees and we met tom, the waiter, who totally rocked, and i went hypoglycemic like 5 minutes after getting there, that was fun, we discovered that we LOVE spinach and articoke dip which we ate with honey bbq sauce and it was amazing....

Friday 4/20 was a little shakey at first but it got really great, Jay and Nicky's band won BotB, I was so proud of them, and i thought jason and I made up, it was terrific..... but don't worry like everything in my life, it  all comes crashing down on me the next day like usual...

Saturday I babysat Arya and then stayed for Rigel and Lisa's BBQ because well I had nothing better to do.... on the way home I think I lost half of the money they paid me... which totally sucks

Sunday I babysat again, if I wasn't so pissed about the jason situation it would've been a little better, I was so upset I started Cleaning their house like a whole lot, Rigel was like "you can trust me with her, she is my daughter" and i would've felt stupid if I told him why I wanted to stay... so i went home, then went out to applebees with catherine and clarence and we had spinach and artichoke dip

It mighta gone somethin' like this:

Jason's hippy-curly-haired-sportcoat-khaki-pant-wearin' public defender: Jason has shown real remorse for this crime.

Jason: Yeah, I'm real sorry for this stuff, and sad that drugs have control of me.

Me: Your Honor, of course Jason is showing 'remorse' - he's been caught and he doesn't want to do time. In the six months following Jason's willful escape from the law, he broke into my house no less than four times. He took things from me that I can't replace. Immaterial things - like feeling safe in my own house, and feeling like I could trust my mother. Jason has never shown remorse to the important people in this case - his victims. These are people he used to call friends, family. Now he has neither. Your Honor, I ask you to think of us when passing sentence on him.

Judge: Life. Without the possibility of parole. Next case?

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