Interest @ MindSay 
i deleted her off my myspace.
and facebook.
and i was like, hell yeah. i got this.
i don't need that.
i mean, you don't make EYE CONTACT, and then BRUSH YOUR ARM AGAINST SOMEONE, and then not say hi to them.
like, what the hell?
ya know?
and now it's like "well you should've said hi".
nooooo.
i always say hi. because i'm a nice kid.
to EVERYONE. don't think she's just soooo important to me that i say hello every single chance i ever get in my life.
but no. i was taking advice. i shouldn't be the one to say hi all the time.
i need to quit letting people walk all over me.
especially her.
i mean, what?
she's just another girl.
like i said, i shouldn't have even been interested.
i was only interested by default anyways.
ugh. anyways.
where was i?
oh yeah.
so i planned on just not talking to her at all.
and not even saying bye.
well that came later.
but anyways.
today i was thinking, hm. i haven't talked to A in like two weeks. i wonder if she already left for college. should i say bye? what if i missed it? would that be dicked on MY part? but then again should i even worry about it?
it mainly started at lunch when K decided to ask me about it.
ha! i love my friends.
so i told K what was up and everything.
and she said that it was kind of dicked if she already left and i didn't say anything.
and then i was like, HA! go becca.
be a fucking bitch like that.
it's just another story to add to the "times becca makes the shit decision" book.
ugh.
so then i was just thinking about that. and how MAYBE that wasn't the best idea.
when in seventh hour!
Audrey was all like, "yeah i'm ditching xc today.". and i'm like "why?"
and then she says this:
"A^&* [in order to save the identity] is leaving to college tomorrow so i'm seeing her at cowboy joe's today at three."
goooooooood job.
so, what? i'm not going to ditch cross country to say hello.
remember? she's not that important.
"just another girl".
BUT, i was, however, going to go to coffee with martinez today anyways.
ugh.
so i'm just like whatever.
if i see her then i see her.
but i definitely didn't plan it.
and that's the truth.
so, whatever.
we went after practice.
i saw her.
didn't say hi at first.
ha.
go me. fa real.
aaaaaaaand i gave her a hug.
wrong move?
oh well. done it.
then i got a LITTLE bit into a discussion with Audrey.
i told her i deleted her and stuff.
she said that was "brutal."
i was going to say some more things, but then i realized something.
i can't talk about this with her.
i just can't.
i just know what it'll turn into.
i'll say my side.
and then it'll just turn into Audrey defending her.
and i turn into the bad one?
that's why.
but i also realized what i need.
AN UNBIASED, GIRL OPINION.
this is what i need.
because, my friends will always be on my side.
Audrey will be on her's.
or my friends won't really care or know what to do.
like the straight friends that aren't as close.
even my guy friends will be on my side.
sooooo.
i need an unbiased girl's opinion.
to figure this out.
because, ha.
i actually feel bad about this.
why?
don't ask me.
i have a concious when there's a girl involved.
it's the only time.
i'm usually really apathetic and anti-social in this way.
but when there's a girl?
ha.
i'm infatuated.
and it's usually by default.
i need to get out of this town!
A lot has so far been said on this issue in various forum, and some were quite informative. Yet they could not really give the full satisfaction to inquisitive minds. I am not very knowledgeable in general (secular) economics, nor do I know much about Islamic economics, or more precisely "interest free" economics. But I have some ideas and vague concepts, that I would like to share here without claiming to be telling something which might have not yet been spoken where, and not sounding opinionated on the issue.
I feel (just feel, may be I am wrong) that, a lot might have been written by Islamic (say of Arab world) scholars and academicians on such issues. Had these been probed, explored and reviewed by the occidental scholars then those could probably have been established as viable theories, and alternatives, side by side today's economic theories and practices. And a lot of questions, queries and confusions might have been addressed by now. But that did not happen, and is not also to happen. The way today's world of knowledge and academic dispensation has developed, and the way the oriental scholars too are made limited only to enhance the occidental theory and philosophy, the Islamic concepts could only create some ripples here and there and nothing more than that.
But any way, as Islamic banking and insurance system is spreading bit by bit, and as more and more service windows are opening and clientele are increasing the banking and interest issues are becoming more clear and more 'modern' in connotation.
For now, for majority of us, interest/non- interest issues are mostly issues of dogma and fatwa. We learn the meaning of interest or riba from a maulvi or a maulana, who give us the literal meaning of the same from the holy Quran and Sunnah. So, some of us, with this Quranic meaning, try to follow the injunction religiously, and other criticise and even pound upon Islam on the basis of the same very meaning. Then, why Islamic banking is flourishing and spreading? Look, who are spreading this. Mostly European and American banks and financial institutions are doing this just for capturing more and more market and maximising profit! Whatever their intentions are, atleast things are evolving and we are getting fresh perspective of the issue.
As for customers of the banks (and naturally for other believers), there has always been the argument if interest is riba or not, and if only usury is prohibited by Islam or not. With my very limited knowledge on the subject, and with the preposterous intention still to say something on this issue, I think "riba" is much wider, much biger and more encompassing a word then either interest, or usury or even both. So far as we have been taught that, any profit or gain receivable on money lended or invested, if fixed, is prohibited. In this definition the word interest probably fits in very well.
But what I have so far understood, what is (supposed to be) prohibited in the eye of Islam is:
1) Trade of money itself, which should only be a medium of exchange,
2) A trade or activity which does not effect/create any asset and service physically,
3) An activity which does not take into account the objective of the activity, whether this is also haram or halal.
Once in a seminar, a scholar quoted a hadith to make riba or interest clear to the audience. After hearing that hadith I became a bit more confused, and during lunch break I asked him to explain the retionale of the hadith. But he could not make me clearer. After lots of thinking, I got myself the answer, and with that, the issue of riba also became more clear to me.
The hadith is: once a man came to the Prophet (sm) and told him that, he had exchanged certain quantity of dates of lower quality with half of that quanity of better quality. At this, the Prophet (sm) said, this was riba. The man should have sold the poor quality dates in the market, and the money thus fetched should have been used to purchase better quality dates.
This example does not fit in the definition of interest, and also not in the concept usuray or interest, I think. But from Sharia point of view, it gives a standard that, the transactions should be independantly measurable and the benefits to all stakeholders/ concerned parties should be equitable. There are many other various examples, which actually establishes what is riba. The underlying fact is, the transactions should be equitable for all.
The most important factor behind riba is that, there should be something tangible at the other side of the profit in the shape of assets, being 'fixed' or variable profit as being popularly understood for becoming prohibitible is not the only factor.
From another factor from which the humankind may be immensely benefited is the strong emphasis of Islamic way of trading and financing on the objective of the trade. Islamic finance is not available for haram trade and business (terrorism included). If the world goes for Islamic financing, then money will dry up for illegal as well as haram business, and these will die automatically, for now atleast theoritacally. So gradually there may be more interest for Islamic economics.
We have to understand that, from Islamic perspective the important and highly respectable act is trade and business, and simply gaining from money and "time value of money" are not that desirable.
Went to JC today and had lunch at Panera with my mom and sis. From there we went to my mom's school and got some things in the classroom in order.
After that we met up with Greg (my lover ;) ) at El Torito and had dinner from 4:15pm until way past 7pm. It was fantastic in every way. While there I actually saw Ira which was completely lovely. According to my mom he looked over at least 12 times while he was there. I'm not sure if I believe her or not....and I'm definately not going to get my hopes up (seeing as every time I do I just go and jinx it). Plus, I do NOT need to get myself all worked up over things....once was enough to last a lifetime. Chances are he's just "window shopping," anyway. Either way, he's dreamy. lol He stopped by our table before he left and talked for a few minutes, even seeming a bit sorry when the people he was with urged him to come on so they could leave and go to NC for the night. Also, he said a couple of times that he liked my antlers (I know, antlers for new years....it's a long story). *shrug* I don't know. Greg agrees that he's cute, though. And very intellectual. :)
Anyway, after dinner we three (my mom, sis, and myself) bought some spumoni to have tonight as we watch season 7 of Gilmore Girls and kick off the new year.
So, here's to a fresh start. I'll see you all next year!
(Sis, Greg, and Me)
What a lousy start I had last week. It must have been like 5-6 months since my trading was that crappy. I thought AUD and CAD are going to get weaker. What a freaking joke that turned out to be. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nothing but beating. That's how it looked like, one of many.
Another one was AUD-JPY, EUR-JPY and some more. I don't dare to post them all, it was quite pathetic. To rub salt into the wound, I screwed up my back during my sword exercises. Had to go to a doctor, take x-rays, all the good things. Pinched nerve and lumbar strain, whatever that is.
On a more inspiring note, Arsenal just recorded a 3:1 come from behind victory over Tottenham. Hell of a game, fun to watch.
We updated our website. It can be seen by following this link
http://www.spectrumforex.com/weeklycomments/09162007.html
Pain killers and muscle relaxers are my diet now. Being high must have given me some inspiration because things turned around for me Thursday and Friday. Big time, too.
Here is one.
And another
When the dust settled, I even managed to get ahead for the week. I'd like to share some thoughts about FED meeting, but I'm way too hazy. You can read about it on our website. I'm going to bed. Again.
Husar.
I have met someone new. WOW!! Yeah that is fast!! I now and that is my main worry about the relationship. I am gitty like a school girl when he is a round. He meets my check list and I miss him when he is gone. He also makes me feel good about my self. Everyone has told me it might be a rebound thing ... but then I worry that if I get that in my mind that I may pass up a good thing and not let the relationship develope. Then I think he was placed in front of me for so many reasons. I do not think I have ever been this gitty about a guy in my life. It is amazing to me actually. I do find myself trying to find something wrong with him. He has alot of the same interest as my X but he trys really hard to include me in them (Where he did not.) and they are to some degree general male interest. He is attracted to me. He calls me and wants to spend time with me. Wow .. i do not even want to see anyone else. Which is interesting to me. I have notice though that I am testing my self with other people to see if my feeling are real and if I am willing to say no to dates and other guys interest and flirting and I HAVE. Which this thing with him is moving so fast. That is what got me into my last relationship not thinking and just going with the flow and I am trying not to do that again. I really like him and I know things are moving really fast we have only know each other two weeks. However, we have been talked on the phone for about 8 hours a day since we physically met last friday. We have phyically hung out 4 times and 4 days of emails prior to meeting. That does not seem like alot of time.... however, we have spent alot of that time talking about what we want from life and who we are. Yeah we are moving fast. ... However, we both do know what we want from our next relationships that we both did not get in the first ones. FYI: he just got out of a long term relationship of 5 year (out for 6 mn) and mine was 9. ... but I have been mentally out of mine I think for over a year or more (physically out for 3 weeks) Anyways ... I guess I just needed to put my thoughts to paper. Think it through ... my girlfriend told me that I need to stop worring and let my heart lead me ... but I think if I did that at this moment I would be planning my future with him ... and not find out if we are really compatable. However, I have realized that I could live with anyone for the rest of my life and look like I was happy. I could have stayed with my X forever. But I made a choice to leave. There was nothing tieing me to him permaint outside of my feeling for him. Which was not that strong. He is my friend though and u never want to loose a friend. However, he is a friend that pushed me into changing to much for his own personal needs and wants. Real friends would not do that. ... any ways .. I think I need to make a list of things to ask the new guy about and see if we have the same ideas on ... to make sure that we do not get to attached to each other before we find out that we do not have the same ideals on some important issues. I know we have discussed allot of them .. but I do not think we have talked about all of them yet .. well all the real important ones. Sometimes I think I am moving fast just because of my goals. I want to have a kid in the next two years ... and I would prefer to have one with a man that wants a child with me and who wants to be a daddy and will be a good one. Which I now that will be hard to find in two years but I am willing to search. I think god place this guy infront of me so that I do not have to look to hard. He wants kids. He is a good father.(he has a 3year old daughter) and he has ALOT!!! of other GREAT qualities!! Hell there has to be something wrong with him. Well he did do something yesterday I did not like. ... but I could live with that. Though my other friend said I should not compromise on things. .. but I think that is one thing about relationships. .. you are not going to love 100% of everything they do ... but are you willing to live with that person forever despite there faults and love them. Anyways that is enough rambling.
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Ooh yeah .. I forgot to add!! The two hard things I had to do the other day that I was dreading ... 1) telling my husband it is 100% over and there is no use for him to try and save the marriage. 2) kick one of the roommates out. ..... they where both taken care of by friends. FUNNY HUH?? I am releaved that I did not have to do both of them BUT I am upset that I did not get to tell my husband. I owe it to him to tell him. The other one I am also MAD about to because it could have went badly and put me in harms way. (it didn't but it could have) I am also upset that my friend and my sister both betrayed my trust in our conversations and repeated what I had told them. I guess I have learned who my real friends are. Though I am still releaved. So I guess maybe I should let it go but be cautious with what I tell the two of them in the future.
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