Insomnia @ MindSay

Yeah, I know it's been a while since I've done these.

* So I guess this will be yet another night I stay up until sunrise cursing the fact that it makes no sense to go to bed because I have to get up at 7:00 AM for work. Bah! I hate insomnia. Maybe if I go to bed with my clothes on, it will give me a few precious minutes of sleep by shaving off some of the time I spend getting ready for work.


* How great was Michael Phelps yesterday? Wow! He kicked ass in the 400 meter medley. You GO BOY!! My Gawd that 400 meter medley looks like a hard, physically grueling race.


* I don't care how petty this sounds, but I am ticked off! I recently came across an ex-boyfriend's MySpace page. I've had bad break ups with most of my exes, but the break up with this guy was rather tame. I certainly didn't end up praying to the estrogen goddesses to strike him down with the plague and shrivel up his testicles like I did when I broke up with my other boyfriends. Anyway, the day before I left for beautiful San Diego, I sent him a note saying hi, nice to see you again, etc. I said that he had a beautiful family and I too am married with an adorable little girl. I saw that he had a Renfaire wedding and commented on how cool it looked and mentioned how much I liked going to the Renaissance Festival, too. Anyway, it was a nice note (at least I thought it was).

He doesn't appear to log in regularly, but he did as recently as August 4th. Has he replied? NO! What a dick head! I mean was his head shoved so far up his ass that he thought I was trying to rekindle a very low flame? Gimme a break! Here's the really petty part: I forgot he saw himself as a raw artistic talent and he had some sketches he did on his page. They were pretty crude and well let's just say they reminded me of something I would see on some of my fifth grade student's notebooks. Yeah, that's right, I said it! Get mad at me for talking about the dill weed's "sketches", but he pissed me off! I'm tempted to post some of my husband's sketches on my page just to be mean, but I won't.

THIS is a sketch buddy!:



* I'm still in shock over Bernie Mac's death. I'm going to miss him.

Actually it has to be over soon because this much fun is killing me.  My tummy is finally starting to feel what being broke will feel like quite soon.  So I'm stepping back to Plan B-287.  On Thursday I put in an application at James Avery; that's about the only retail/mall job I can think of that doesn't give me the heebie jeebies and I get that I don't get to have that option when the shit really hits the fan.  Monday I'm checking out another temp agency -- one I should have gone to first, I think, but I was trying to stay with the big names thinking they have their shit together.  We'll see what happens.

Very odd that today I got a call from a hiring agency handling another job I applied for.  On a Sunday.  I think I'll get called for a face to face during the next week or so.  Though I'm not feeling great about the development job, I still haven't counted that out yet.  I have felt like they hated me in interviews before and gotten the job so I'm trying to hold onto a shred of hope.  But I'm not going to dwell on it. Or try not to.  The good thing is that I am at least getting calls and interviews so it has to be a matter of time, hopefully sooner rather than later.  There's a lot of activity around me -- I just need to have it align the right way on me.

Otherwise, today was a bust.  Since I've been thinking about my situation a  lot more stressfully the last couple of weeks, I jacked up my neck and so last night I took a half of my muscle relaxant pill.  That's enough to knock me out!  Unfortunately it also leaves me pretty worthless the next day.  Not zombie, but no energy.  And yesterday I was so good and did yoga.  Tomorrow I will try again.  But today I didn't clean or do laundry or anything I should have done.  Oh well.

The drug study is still iffy to me.  I got through my initial visit on Wednesday.  It was okay, very interesting.  They were very upfront and provided me with as much info as I could think to ask.  It's for an already FDA-approved drug called Xyrem.  It's used primarily for insomniacs.  The drug company is now doing research on Xyrem at a much-reduced dosage for fibromyalgia.  I am nervous about this.  If a half a muscle relaxant can make me so lethargic what's an insomnia drug gonna do?  It's true I could get the placebo, though.  The 5-HTP I really believe was starting to help me.  I'm willing to give this study the ol' college try, but after a couple of weeks, if I don't see marked improvement I may drop out and go back to the 5-HTP over a pharmaceutical.  (They are very clear that I can leave the study any time I want if I'm not happy with how I'm doing.)

AstrologyZone says my July is supposed to be a lot better than the last few months have been so I pray that's true and it's about to happen to my favor.  Trying to keep the faith.

. . .when you stay up and watch an entire HORRIBLE late-night movie like The Wolves of Wall Street.

 

Dear Gawd, that movie was awful! Think The Howling meets The Lost Boys meets any stereotypical depiction of rich, white, preppy frat boys. Throw in a sort of attractive female love interest who has previously spurned the affections of the much older and ruthless Eric Roberts, add a dash of homoerotic undercurrents and you have a movie worthy of Abu Ghraibe torture questioning practices.

 

I should have taken that damn sleeping pill after all. 

 

Hmm...I've noticed that my insomnia is worse in the summer. 

I am wide awake after taking a sleeping pill!

 

Last night when I took the sleeping pill, it knocked me out and I had a hard time waking up in the morning.  Tonight when I took it, I felt it starting to work and thought, "Oh yeah, I'm coming Morpheus."  An hour later I woke up and was unable to go back to sleep.  Damn, why don't drugs affect me like they are supposed to?  Vicodin doesn't do diddley squat. The Demerol I had at the hospital while in labor with the kiddo wore off after about 30 minutes and after going under anesthesia for some dental work, I was wide awake about 15 minutes after my surgery.  I even walked to CVS to get my prescription for Vicodin filled while I waited for my sister to come pick me up.  Maybe I should try chloroform?

Found a really informative page about Melatonin tonight: http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/melatonin-000315.htm

So for the first time in a while I had a really bad insomnia attack last night. I woke up yesterday at about 3pm. I got a little depressed around midnight, drank a whiskey sour, still couldn't sleep. The usual 3mg dose of melatonin wasn't cutting it but I didn't want to take anymore. I finally fell asleep at 1pm this afternoon and slept until almost 8pm.

I'm thinking of starting a new blog just for DSPS and melatonin related information.

Also see:

http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/message-boards/viewtopic.php?t=21092

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melatonin

Good night, and good luck (sleeping, that is!)