Insects @ MindSay 
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I don't know how related it is now. There's something in me that will sometimes see a hornet and squash it, just because it's a hornet.
And there's something in me that'll see one, and leave it alone, and watch it, and tell other people to leave it alone, until it flies away.
And then I'll find one bumbling slowly on the streetcorner of the crosswalk I take from work to my car, obviously slowed down because of the cold, where he's going to get stepped on. And there's something in me that crouches down and studies him for a bit, and then remembers that I have a sandwich box and carefully opens the box to scoop this little creation into it. And take it home with me.
I don't know why. Maybe because it's clearly at the end of life, and I think it's better to die warm then cold. Maybe because I'm tired of things dying, even when they're tiny. Maybe because I learn something from new experiences. Maybe because I think it shouldn't die because someone just didn't see it and didn't know it was there. Maybe it's the years of training that mean you help an animal in trouble.
But is it helping at all? He's more active when he's warm, certainly, and he's got food in there (assuming that a yellowjacket can make use of breadcrumbs and honey drips). But he's still going to die, at some point. Would it have been better to just relocate him to someplace he wouldn't get stepped on, but that would still be somewhat normal for him? Let's face it - Glad Plastic isn't exactly their home environment.
I'm philosophizing about a hornet as though it's a dog. All of this makes sense for bringing home a stray dog. These guys, it's a bug? Who cares? It's little, and there's billions more of them than there are of us. And they don't live long enough to invest too much time in one.
Says a girl who wants to work NICU someday.
Watching him explore around, now that he's warm enough to move properly again. He seems more like a machine than a creation - he's too perfect. Isn't that odd? I expect created things to have things wrong with them - they stumble, they get injured, they have physical quirks. If a machine is less than perfect, it gets chucked and replaced with a perfect one. I don't know enough about the species, maybe this one is somehow flawed, but I would have to observe a lot of others to know that. Weird. The fingerprint of something being made by the flawed creature is that it measures up to the design standard, and the fingerprint of something being made by the perfect is that it doesn't.
Or maybe it's the fingerprint of something being made by the forgiving. Where we'd chuck a machine that doesn't work, we're so loved that we're forgiven for not working the way we were designed, and
I've caught and held other creations. A hamster. A cricket. My beloved. My little almost-nephew. The cat. I guess you can't really hold a horse. I've dissected different animals after they're dead. And I wonder about the concept of the life-spark. How small it must be to be contained in this insect, and yet lend life throughout the entire magnificence of my beloved's body. I can't make it. I can theorize about a way of taking tissues and stretching and reconstructing them to the point of making a body, mimicking the wondrous art of creation. But I can't make life. I can probably conceive, but I don't know how to do it - what I could possibly do to make the difference between a new life and a stillborn.
Those two wings, rising from his back, barely an inch long, give him a gift that I don't have, and could never emulate. I can play the piano, I can hold a baby, I can run, and laugh. He can fly. I don't know that it's something to envy, so much as something to observe. Different abilities, but his seems all the more fantastic because it's something that I don't have, never will, and no one in the history of my species has had.
Can an insect feel joy? Anyone can see a dog's joy in running across a field, and running right back to you because you're the light in his world. Dogs have a lot of light in their worlds. I've had people tell me that I'm the light in theirs, sometimes. It's part of where the name "Phirefly" comes from. Does something so small have the same capacity for inner light, or just base its world off of the sun? Does flying bring him more joy?
It's a warm day. Much warmer than it's been all week. I could let him go today, and he could fly. He's miles from wherever his home must be, and he'll die tonight when the cold comes down again. Or he'll get caught and eaten by something else out there. I could keep him in the box for a few more days, and he'd live longer. There's some point in life-ethics where the line of quality of life clashes against the quantity of life, and you're stuck with trying to figure out which one to pursue.
I wrote most of this at noon, thinking things through. Took him outside, pried the lid free, leaving him room to climb out. Watched him take off in a big arc, legs dragging at the air, covering a huge distance for something so tiny. Felt better. Went off to Oxbow and climbed around for four hours.
Having been in Texas for almost 5 years now (and before you all get your knickers in a twist - no this is not a 'bash the great state of Texas' rant) and I've noticed a few things different than where I used to live. For instance, we have 'bug of the month' and I kid you not. May was fleas, June was cicidea month. July was grasshopers...the little ones which are just annoying and the big suckers which fly at you. August...now we are looking at crickets...and damn it all if there isn't one in the bedroom and while I've been told repeatedly by those 'who know' that it is bad luck to kill a cricket in the house...if I find that little sucker whose been keeping me awake nights by singing to me his primordial need to find a mate -- he's gonna get fed to the turtles...(my reasoning being that technically the turtle will be the one to do the dirty deed. BTW, the turtles have their own timeline...being destined to be turned into pouches for renn faire.
We've been in a drought situation now for months. Hay is off the charts, the price of meat is dropping (people are being forced to sell their stock since they can't feed or water them), some arre breaking out of their pens searching for feed and water, which is not to say that the ranchers are getting a good price for any of their stock. People are turning their pets loose, so I predict a rise in a year or so of wild dogs attacks, and a rise in feral cat populations. Animals are coming down out of wild places, there is no food and they come for water -- snakes (the dog found a copperhead snake the other day in the back yard), ardvarks, raccons, deer, possoms, squirrels, mice, and the birds...all come to the water bowls I leave out.
Plants are stressed, no matter how much I water -- I've lost 2 more roses I brought with me from my last garden - one very special to me which I've slipped and moved for 6 gardens is no more. One of the 3 last maple trees went too....a rare one given to me. As much as this upsets me, the Mother has planted Her own replacements in their place - Texas elm and oak, red 'Mexican' salvia, bulbs of yellow, red and white pop up where I carefully transplant some of them into my flower beds and put a few in a pot for transport if necessary.
As I walked up the road home from work today, I hear crows. Crows are not common around me and only 2 people possess the ability to send them - Carrie and Jackie. Jackie can reach me anytime, Carrie is most likely - I know her son has been ailing with bronchial issues - tho this seems 'over the top' for even her. I note that the vultures (black chickens as The Man calls them) have begun cleaning the latest 2 skulls put out. Lady hawk cries and swoops around the freshly mown field, searching for small prey.
The full moon is coming ... and the moon phases affect me strongly. Tonight it rained and not just a little gentle rain either. I could hear the last few cicideas' singing their frenzied mating song before they pass on. Their bodies litter my porch and are fed to the turtles, a small aided circle of life. The crickets are quiet suddenly as the wind kicks up. The trees bend and cry out...stressed as parts break off and hit the tin roof of the garage. Rain comes, whipped by the wind...sideways. I stand out in it listening to the thunder of Thor (wondering what why my brother sends me his flashes of temper) and the answering flash of lightning --in an age-old mating dance of the Sky God and Mother Earth, rain being the blessing of their union poured out upon us. I dance, let my body sway and become wet to the skin...calling upon the Goddess and the God to bring us more rain......not caring if the neighbors see this old woman talking to the sky and calling in the rain with her hair wet and mud on her ankles. Yes I know it is dangerous to be out in the thunder and lightning...if the Goddess wants me...believe me...She has my address.
I come in, wipe up the puddles of water, put on a pot of lima beans and sausage...gonna make it thick like a stew with veggies for Sunday. Homemade biscuits. A small spinach salad with tomatos, sweet red onions and yellow bellpeppers - blue cheese dressing is what I've planned for The Man and I to eat. The 'stew' will cook for slowly for about 8 hours to incorporate all the herbs and veggies into it.
I contemplate a shower and bed...not out of the realm of possibilities....before mid-night....double shift at work tomorrow. I mentally check off my list of hings to do, what should be done, and what will have to wait....*Sigh....
There is a part of me that's somewhat resentful that I can't give blood to save people's lives, but I'm able to sustain mosquitoes for another day.
Actually, I'm not sure what the time works out to. If I let a mosquito bite me, just let it, without the reflexive smacking, and it takes its full and rather drunkenly flies off (the mosquito, in my opinion, is one of the most poorly-designed fliers in the Midwest. Itty bitty whiney wings, six long legs and a long face that just hang down and drag at the air. They are made for landing, and biting, not for flying), how long does that particular meal last it? An hour? The rest of the day? Enough time to find a male mosquito and lay enough eggs to rival the stars on our side of the Milky Way?
On the subject of male mosquitoes, they are non-biting - the mosquito society is somewhat comparable to the Amazons. Males are necessary to mate, of course, but aside from that, they're really a disgrace to the species, as they don't do what mosquitoes are made to do. The females only put up with them because finding enough food to lay all those eggs is a rather hazardous and time-consuming practice, and thus they haven't found a way to artificially produce mosquito sperm.
Hang on a sec. What exactly do male mosquitoes eat? They don't feed off people. Do they just eat enough junk as larvae to sustain them for their One Great Lay? Actually, I have no idea how many mates a male will take in his leggy lifetime. I speculated that their primary ambition was to produce offspring, but for all I know, male mosquitoes are brilliant writers who spend much of their time learning the great philosophies of previous generations. They contentedly spend their days closed up in their personal libraries (which explains why we never see them), and their attitude towards the females is more of a mild annoyance at being interrupted from their studies. "Ah. You're wearing THAT. Oh, very well." For them, it's more a sense of duty than anything else, and they'd really much prefer to be left alone with their books and cigars.
I picture the females as being rather aggressive, the males quite a bit calmer. If they had voices (perhaps they do), one of them is certainly far more strident and demanding. The one sees the other as a necessary affliction, and the other finds the first to be a mildly attractive irritation.
Although, really, if I knew that the only reason that someone hadn't decided to off me was because they didn't know how to produce whatever they needed from me, I'd probably spend a good amount of time making sure that I kept a monopoly on that item's production. Maybe male mosquitoes keep a close eye on their scientists, and whenever anyone starts in that direction, they find themselves having a little chat with the mosquito mob, and soon they're sleeping with the larvae.
Dude. Maybe that's it. Larvae eat adult mosquitoes that have been tossed in the water, and pick up other blueprints that way.
"Hey. Are you guys sure we're supposed to have all these legs? They're supposed to be this long?"
"Uh, I guess so. Hey, Jakey - remember when they threw your dad in here? What'd he look like?"
"Shut up."
Buzz buzz buzz.
A Blessed and Happy Samhain to All of you! Happy Halloween to those who aren't of the Celtic or even a different "Pagan" Path!
We had a grand time yesterday even though Tab and I were the only parental units that took the kids. The men stayed home this year. I ended up driving the truck and Tab was by herself in the back keeping the kids away from the edge when we traveled different areas of hte town to get to the good neighborhoods! We only stayed out till 8 pm and only hit a 1/3 of the town but the kids made out like bandits! To the point their bags were literally busting open! (Pictures to come later-like normal)
The house was completely bombed today and now I am in the middle of a smoke break. We are starting upstairs with the cleaning and vaccuming! Tons of dead Japaness beatles (some folks call them asian beatles), boxelder bugs (I called them Harries growing up!), and spiders to be vaccumed up. This should also completely clean out what ever lil Head Lice decieded that the bug spray wasn't going to kill them.
The plan of action for this long weekend of the kids being home is to clean up from bombing the house, take DeLaney to her orthodonist appotment tomorrow, rent a carpet cleaner, steam clean the rugs, and then FINALLY get to the family Samhain ritual! Thank Anu that the Gods are very understanding about how busy and stressed out I have been!
I also need to give our Taekowndo Insturctor a call. He finally got worried about us! I have to explain that I just got overwhelemed being the only parent home and October being such a busy month for us! He is wanting the kids to still test and just give us some private lessons (free of charge) to get them ready for Nov. 10th. I am giong to ask him if we can NOT do that and just work on the form we need and skip this testing. The start of next week is when we will ALL go back to taekowndo and I will start hitting the gym at full capacity!
When I am done basically fall cleaning the house this weekend, we will be ready for Thanksgiving and I can purchase the rest of the items I need to do my cooking for Thanksgiving. Randy won't be home till the day before Thanksgiving and Tab and Joe, stepped up to the plate and talked to Randy about how I feel guilty leaving the kids home for a weekend while I go down to the job site to see him. The CEO of the Aussie Company told the Main Project Manager to take Randy and I out to the one and only 4 star restaruant when I come done as a Thank You to both of us. Randy for not bailing on the project and helping in areas and reengeneering things when he didn't have to and for me to say Thanks for having Randy gone for so long! I can't take the kids down with me no babysitter! So Randy talked me into going down in the next two weekends before Thanksgiving and into buying myself a classy outfit. I didn't realize that this restaurant was the only 4 or 5 Starred place in NE! I figured Lincoln or Omaha had classier ones but I was wrong! My dad even got after me and said that it isn't going to hurt the kids to stay home while I go down for a weekend! Joe and Tab will keep the kids and I will leave them my Cell Phone so we can call them. I just need to deciede what weekend I will be going down!
Okay I am off. I have to finish cleaning out my closet and then vaccum DeLaney's room, go in and finish helping Coltin and then we have to all hit the kids' tv room and computer room! Then go down stairs start laundry, scub the bathroom, vaccum the living room and dinning room, and then once laundry is all done I can scrub the kitchen. We will be going out for dinner tonight since the kitchen won't be gotten to till tomorrow!
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