Indecision @ MindSay

KitsunenoTora

Drinking: Apple/Cherry juice, I think.
Craving: Chocolate Ice cream
Playing: The World Ends With You
Listening to: The World Ends With You soundtrack
Should be reading: Chosen
Should be writing: The Village Square's monthly Harvest Moon/Rune Factory writing contest entry
Should have already written: OCC's writing contest entry - too late now
Should be doing: Chemistry notes and practicing

KitsunenoTora is feeling: Tired and strangely content

Today was... okay. Despite my alarm not going off at 8:30 like I had set it and waking up instead at 11:30 when my mom  barged in my room to yell at me for forgetting my laundry in the living room, not allowing me to do much other than eat, make my lunch and pack, (I need a shower...) it was... okay.

Luckily I had managed to finally make myself throw together that free write last night, or else it would NOT have been done. ^^; It definitely seemed like a shame to lose out on 5 relatively easy points. I just hope my topic is acceptable. I didn't even finish my math in the morning like I had planned. Strangely, I got all my points, even though I was missing about a third of it....

Although today didn't do much for the loneliness factor in my life. I went to English at 1:00, talked to my online friends on the forum during breaks, and did my scholarly work. I was really looking forward to 4:00 like always, since I get to meet Andi in the corner of the cafeteria. :) Much to my dismay (and happiness, actually) she's really gotten into The World Ends With You (like I have been bugging her to do for forever), so she was playing that most of lunch. So we didn't get to talk, all the words we exchanged were about the yaoi manga I had just returned to her today and a few things about the game. *sad* So I just ate my lunner (lunch + dinner) and did as much as I could on my math homework. Then when she finally stopped playing, she randomly got up and disappeared with her friend Kristen and this other guy who's name I don't remember. (I'm terrible at names, and I've only heard it 3-4 times, and I was never actually introduced any of those times...) About half an hour later they showed up again, apparently they had gone to Subway for some food. But by that time, I had to leave... so I watched them dance (amusingly) to "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" and Ronald McDonald's youtube dance to Caramelldansen.

So yeah. Lisa is sad about that. Now I have to wait a week to see her again.

So at 5:30 I went to Algebra. We got our test back from last week... I was really surprised at my grade. I thought I had done well, but when I looked back I saw I had made some really REALLY stupid mistakes, like somehow mistaking a one for a four and mixing up signs. BAW. I got a 78%, my worst grade in that class yet. Needless to say I'm glad I didn't lose the points for my homework, that would have just made it worse.... Our homework was really hard, though. I'm not good at moving graphs spacially, and knowing what each number does to a specific original function... memorization sucks. I have the memory of swiss cheese. NOT FAIR.

I've noticed that somehow recently I've been becoming slowly and slowly more and more bad at math and science. Before, I could just read the section, do a few problems, and I was set... but now it's nothing like that. I study a whole lot more, but I do consistently worse and worse. I just can't seem to hold onto it anymore.

What's bad about that is that I don't really notice myself getting any better at things like English. And I've always been bad at History, I can't remember dates all that well. Plus, there's just so much to learn in those subjects, and if I don't continuously re-inforce the knowledge I gain, I lose it. Meh mind is like a sieve.

But back to not being good at Science and math anymore. I'm worried. It's becoming more and more obvious to me how much memorization and work goes into becoming a veterinarian.... and I don't know if I am capable of doing it. Plus, all that SCHOOLING. I just don't have the money. DX I still haven't searched for colleges yet, but I don't have really any hopes of being able to do that job. Nor do I really think it's for me anymore. I mean, I can handle the gore and the blood, but... I just don't know if it's for ME, you know? Can I do this job, and be happy with it?

But what makes me even more worried about that is... being a veterinarian was something I decided a long time ago. And since I had made that decision... I didn't really look at any other options. I don't KNOW what else I would be good at. I haven't the slightest clue what I could do for a living, for a career. The next best thing would be computers, but... I dunno. I'd rather do something art related, but I'm a terrible artist. D: I'm not that good at drawing, although I'm better than most. Anime style just doesn't cut it, and I have enough problems with anatomy and getting things to look right. *sigh* It's basically a no-go, and because of my hesitation and not knowing if being a vet is right for me, I haven't looked at any colleges. /dilemma

Shit. I forgot to call my doctor today. I REALLY need to make an appointment. I already told my dad and grandma WEEKS ago that I had already made an appoinment so that they wouldn't get mad at me and badger me constantly like they have done in the past. I just NARROWLY avoided death (figuratively) at my father's hands by lying and saying that I had told mom to put it on her calendar, but she must have forgotten, and that I would call the doctors to double check when my appointment was. Thank god he bought it, I would have been in SUCH deep shit if I was caught in a lie like that. DX

I gotta remember to do that tomorrow before I go to school.

Andrea getting TWEWY inspired me to play my game again. I still  had not played Another Day (got wrapped up in RF2 and Phoenix Wright), but since it had been over 100 days since I had last played... I was really rusty. And the majority of at least the beginning of Another Day has to do with Tin Pin Slammer, which I DESPISE. Well, not despise, but I don't like it as much as the regular portion of the game, because I'm not that good at it. I tend to get out of control and move myself accidentally off the stage, essentially commiting suicide. Pretty much all the times I win are pure luck. So, frustrated, and wanting to start over because I remember hardly anything about the storyline (I wanna be able to talk to Andi about it, and seeing all the forshadowing is nice even if the shock and drama is mostly gone) I started over. Completely erased my old file. Pained me, it did, because I NEVER do that, and I hate to lose everything I had gained, especially because I hadn't even finished the game yet. No secret reports for me, I'll have to wait until I get through the game again to do that. Hopefully I'll have the time. (Can't wait for mid-winter break, haha. XD)

I've forgotten how addicting the game is. :) I'm on Day 3 of the first week (or was it 4..? Idr.) already. I want to play more, but I'm really really tired. So this will be it for today. Goodnight, digital abyss.