In Love @ MindSay 
love
First, here's my outfit:
And here's me and baby Brent:
And here's Brent and Autumn (his fiance or whatever):
Soulja Boy:
JEEZY:
AHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWEEZYCAMAHHHHH
My baby daddy:
(so upset he only performed like half of "Fireman" :[ :[ :[ )
This is who I voted for!
aw shit BIRDMAN
He loves me <33333333
Second time of the night going shirtless but he even wear his hair down his back like mine ;)
Young mula babyyyyy<3
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Stuff With Shelly
I've spent today with my Shelly. :)
Every time I spend a day with her, we seem to just keep on getting closer.
While my parents were in, we spent a lot of time cuddling and kissing each other, talking about various stuff. We played Guitar Hero: Greatest Hits and World Tour together for a few hours, along with messing around on Facebook and Farmville.
Then we were on YouTube for a while - I'd told Shelly about Maury Povich, and she'd never heard of him - so I was showing her some clips from his show.
Mam was hovering in the doorway for a part of this, she was waiting for dad to get ready for them going out.
Mam's so evil - she pissed herself at all the people with the strange fears - especially the woman who was scared of balloons and ran about screaming when they all started popping onscreen.
As soon as mam and dad had gone out - however... :)
Something's happened today that's made me feel a whole lot more confident with my tiny hands.
I actually managed to find Shelly's special spot - the one I can never ever find on myself.
And I made her scream - lots. :D
So my fingers can't be as defective as I once thought. :)
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Dixie currently feels:
Negative
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Blog #74
Incredibly Bland Thursday
Media Studies is really getting to be a pain in the arse.
I don't mind doing the coursework - on the contrary, the coursework is quite fun at times.
Today we had to watch the opening sequence to Hot Fuzz and take notes on it.
Then we had to answer exam-style questions about it - ARGHHHH, PAIN IN THE ARSE.
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I had an appointment with Dianne at 11 - today mainly discovering my returning Ash-paranoia, which recently, is at all all-time-high. Gah.
I couldn't be arsed going into town for lunch, so I indulged once more in the processed fried goodness from the refectory. I chose a cheeseburger with chips and a can of 7up.
Shelly is mint at timing sometimes - no sooner as I'd sat myself down to eat, she came along and sat with me.
Ashleigh came in at her usual time of half 12. We got bored after a while, so we went in the LRC.
I decided here I would show Ash the thing I made last night on Photoshop. I'd shown it to Lewis after our Media Studies lesson, just before my appointment with Dianne.
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Last night, I made this:
Using some photographs I took at the end of yesterday's photography lesson - I rounded off the corners, blurred the edges, added a black border - then I used two different layers - left the heart the real colour and made everything else greyscale.
It has a double-meaning too.
It can be taken literally - as Ashleigh actually IS holding a heart - or it can be viewed as my love for her that she doesn't know what to do with, as she doesn't really want it.
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I do silly things sometimes.
I did a silly thing today.
I was waiting for Ash to come out of the ground floor lift from the LRC - I was stood at the top of the wonky stairs.
...I don't know if what I did was revenge for her making me feel so shit last Saturday, but - I spat on her from the top of the stairs.
I'd warned her though - at first I was only messing around, but I did end up doing it.
Fortunatley, I didn't hit her head - I splattered the back of her wheelchair.
I felt bad about it - I wiped her down afterwards, apologising profusely.
She cuddled me after B block too - telling me it was okay, I'd just been silly as usual.
I hope she meant it...
I don't know if Ash would lie to me or not. :(
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The remainder of my night was spent eating cakes, drinking Coca-Cola and playing through dungeons on Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles.
I also managed to fix my Guitar Hero Community account - so I celebrated with a few songs on Expert.
My scores are sending - but they don't seem to be sending to the challenges I'm involved in. Hmmmmmmmmmmm...
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Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
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Blog #45
Another Silly Saturday...
I really don't get sleep-ins on the weekend anymore.
I always have to be up early on Sundays so that mam or dad can take me to nana's before work, and I usually have to get up early on the Saturday to prepare for Ash and Shelly coming round, or me going to theirs.
Today we went to Ash's bungalow. I ended up arriving daft early though - dad couldn't take me any later. Ash didn't seem to mind.
We sat around on her bed for around an hour, talking in our usual random banter. Ash seems to be changing recently. Since the two of us confronted her about being so withdrawn and never showing any emotions, never offering hugs or never letting us know that she loves us - she seems to be opening. Slowly, but I can see it.
A conversation about blowing the moon in half lead us to rathergood.com - we went on her laptop and I showed her WE LIKE THE MOON.
It's still as creepy as I remember - but it's still slightly amusing at parts.
WE LIKE THE MOOOOOON. COZ IT IS CLOSE TO US...
WE LIKE THE MOOOOOOOOOOOON... BUT NOT AS MUCH AS A SPOOON...
COZ THAT'S USED MORE FOR EATING SOUP.
Some of the stuff on that site is piss, and some of it is just pretty random and pointless. Still, it's amusing.
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Shelly came at her usual time.
She made her prescence well with the big fuck off white minibus pulling up on Ash's road.
And of course, I took it upon myself to point at the window and go: "MINBUS! MINIBUS!"
Ash just smiles and says: "...Hmm, must be Shelly." :)
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We spent a few hours playing World Tour.
It's not the same at Ash's - we has no drums - and we has a really small TV - but either way, we're a guitar duet, sometimes with a singer.
I take Slider with me.
I used to take Legend - but that was before I completely covered him in stickers.
I've never taken Whitey.
I need to upload a photo of my three guitars. They look mint together. :)
I did a 6-song gig as the vocalist - ON EXPERT, BITCH.
I picked some harder songs too - like B.Y.O.B. - level 18!
I mainly picked heavy metal songs: Trapped Under Ice, Prisoner Of Society, Freak On A Leash - the like.
But that's me - I can sing heavy metal.
It's piss, Shelly proper can't. And of course, Ash can't sing at all. :P
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Ash's mam made us toasted sarnies shortly after this.
The first time I was offered them - I was offered the choice of corned beef and onion, cheese and ham or just cheese alone.
I asked for CORNED BEEF AND CHEESE.
Lmfao, her face was pretty funny - but it was fucking nectar.
Since then, Ash has taken a liking for them - and today Denham wanted one too.
I was all like: "MWAH, I'M INFLUENCING YOUR CHILDREN."
I'm often like that. :)
I had one today as well - MY WORD, it's the fastest I've ever eaten ANYTHING.
It literally took me A MINUTE. I even shocked myself.
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We filmed a few more little sections for our trailer - I'd say we are done with the clips now. I just need to assemble the 2nd draft.
We filmed extreme close-ups, mainly. So I have like a 2 minute video of Ash proper distorting her face. It's fucking weird. :)
Denham came and played World Tour with us after this.
I let him have my guitar - I just sat behind Ash annoying her. :)
It's so much fun to randomly start biting the arm of the bass player in the middle of a song. :D
I started massaging her shoulders too. I'm told I'm good at massages - but I have to be slightly harder with Ash - due to her loss of feeling in her back. I was hurting her at one point, so I just kept on doing it harder until she was buckled over in her chair, screaming.
Funny, I know. I felt bad afterwards though - so I rubbed it better. :)
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Before we had tea, we all went into the living room and played a few rounds of Cheat.
I got the idea after eyeing the playing cards on Ash's desk.
I won two out of the three rounds. Tee hee, I be good.
I could always tell when Shelly was cheating - she got screwed over a shitload of times due to me.
It was always because I had ALL the fours, and ALL the sevens.
Before any of them put down a card when it was those numbers, I'd just go: "DON'T BOTHER PUTTING ANYTHING DOWN, YOU'RE CHEATING." :)
Ash was proper cheating the entire game - she was doing it for the sake of it!
I only cheat when I have to. Her face is so funny when you catch her. She pouts and bends her head as she scoops the pile into her hand.
Shelly proper goes off in a paddy - that's even fucking funnier. :)
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After our tea (I had crispy chicken bites, spaghetti, chips and a Muller Corner for afters) - we went back into Ash's room for a few hours.
Cue our lay-on-the-bed-and-cuddle-each-other-for-an-hour time. :)
We went back on rathergood.com - watched the random kitten animations.
Though half the time we couldn't really concentrate on them because we had Shelly sat behind us going: "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW..." - like fucking constantly. :D
Ash's mam came in shortly after this, poking a handful of Galaxy Ripples around the door.
And she goes: "....RRRRRRIPPLEEEEEES!" - like proper strange. (Exactly how Ash would say WACKY---.)
I just pissed myself for like 15 minutes.
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I never realised how easy it was to embarrass me.
Either way, it's easy - and those two wouldn't stop.
Every time I felt myself burning, I'd "nestle" underneath Ash's shelves.
I won't forget the comment from her: "Aww, are you nestling again? Into your little cavern of embarrassment?"
Ash, sadistic cow. :)
I would say the day was fine up to this point. Then I did something stupid.
I didn't quite admit it - I got Ash to work it out for herself, but either way - she now has confirmation that I'm in love with her.
She did already know - as I suspected.
But now I feel really fucking weird.
Shelly kept hugging me, saying it was alright. I didn't want to be hugged, because it made me cry.
...But there is one thing that sort of proves that Ash doesn't mind.
When we were going home, she didn't sit in the front - she sat in the back, in the middle seat between us.
And she didn't ask Shelly if she wanted a hug when she left - but she asked me...
Is that pity because she knew I was upset... Was it to let me know everything was okay...
Or was it just a goodbye hug...
I don't know... I don't think I'll ever know.
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Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
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Blog #40
Problem ALMOST Solved
I bloody hate Mondays.
There's really no fucking point in going into college for just one sodding lesson.
One sodding HOUR, practically.
But either way.
Ash watched the trailer first draft on Saturday.
Shelly made out that she proper hated it, but she just didn't like the order of the clips.
Sarah watched it today and identified what the problem was - the speed.
It's currently far too slow to be a slasher horror. It's also a bit TOO revealing.
So yes, in this case - less IS more.
I shall be sorting this problem later.
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I bought myself an XL bacon double sandwich from Burger King and a pack of Kinder snack bars from B&M - got the 64 home, then sat on the sofa and chilled out, eating my nosh and watching Spongebob.
I got the urge to play Donkey Konga 2.
I finished off the whole of Chimp duet mode - then finished all but one song on Chimp beat-mix.
There's only ONE song I can't get gold DK on. It's PISSING ME OFF.
I returned to Resident Evil shortly after.
I have a save point just outside the first battle with Tyrant. I can't be arsed with him at the moment, he can taste my magnum later.
In other news, I've decided not to waste my life away with Neopets.
I'm not going on it again - to ever accomplish anything on that game, you have to dedicate at least 4 hours a day for two years.
Can't be arsed, to be honest.
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Shelly rang me later on. We talked for a few hours, then she got a phone call on the house phone.
Her nana's died - I feel so bad for her. She cried on her phone for about 10 minutes and nearly gave herself a panic attack. I had to calm her down as best as I could, trying to help her relax enough to be able to breathe normally again.
I know how that is. It's not easy being a manic depressive asthmatic. When one cries, one cannot breathe.
So it looks like I'm spending the day with Ash tomorrow.
...Even though I feel really fucking weird towards her at the moment.
She's on MSN, I've let her know about Shelly, and also that there's things I need to talk to her about.
I don't want to upset her though... It's about time she knew the truth about how I feel about her and how her hostility makes me feel...
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And I'm also in a dilemma - do I go to Southend... Do I miss off a few Photography lessons, miss seeing Ash and comforting Shelly, having to lie to Aunty Betty about how my life is going and share a room with my nana... Having to see my nana upset after her sister's funeral and leave grandad here on his own...
Or do I go to Southend to see Aunty Betty and Uncle Roy?
...Jesus Christ, talk about outweighing reasons.
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