Imperfect @ MindSay

The reason why I wanted to post this blog is because of all the unhappy people I know that parents were a Witness when I was younger. I really hate to use the word Jehovah being the almighty name of God the father with such a religion as this cult organization, so therefore throughout this blog I will call them witnesses. I was born from birth to attend these meetings so I didn't have a choice as a lad. I was told that the rest of the world {which were not Witnesses were of this world} therefore, my friends could only be witnesses. Although I went to school, I could not invite them to my home unless I could convert them to being witnesses by having a bible study with them. I could not go to their homes, so i missed out on all the house parties and sleep overs on the weekends. I could not say the pledge of allegiance in which case was mandatory in elementary back in the day. I had to ask the teacher to be excused because of my religion. I could not sing or participate with holiday school activities. I could not celebrate my birthday, so therefore I never received a birthday card or cake or gifts from my mom on my birthday. On top of my mom not celebrating my birthday or holidays no one else could even save me because that was forbidden. I had to get up early on the weekends and go door to door to sell Witness magazines. I had to attend meetings because if I did not then I was punished by being beaten with a cord.

I felt isolated as a kid and then when I became older I was told that if I had sex then I had to marry that person or it would be a sin. I was also told that the person I had sex with would have to be a witness. So I saw kids wanting to marry just so they could have sex and be freed from their parents strict household. I saw people with sin that thought they were perfect or could be perfect just by bearing the name and rules of this religion. I saw people that, when they went up against this religion, then no longer could anyone from this organization associate themselves with them. I saw kids getting kicked out of their homes because they wouldn't attend meetings. I saw parents curse their children lives by telling them that without this religion in their lives then God will not listen to their prayers and they would live a cursed life without blessings. If you believe this stuff then it begins to encumber your soul and eventually you are torn between a world of conflict internally. This conflict affects the relationship later on in your life. You become unlovable, unattached, and very secretive about yourself. You become afraid of anyone truly knowing what's inside you because you were taught that you were wicked.

I never went to a therapist to get my mind resolved on my childhood issues, however I became a Christian. A Christian without rules and demands or my walk of life. A Christian were as the Lord is engraved in my heart and not in books made of paper and stone. I am taught by the holy spirit of the right and wrong paths, not by an imperfect being made up of flesh. Who can make mistakes at any given time like myself. I don't ever want to be mislead by false prophets, those that are the anti Christ, which means that, they don't believe Jesus as being one with God. I had to sever my relationship with my mom because she couldn't respect me saying no more lies. It was painful however needed. I was taught in a black society that disrespecting your parents basically means bringing hardship upon you. I was taught that you could not freely express your views without getting a slap on the face. However I saw the white society of kids express their feelings to their parents. Some said,"Get the fuck out of my room mom". Or, "Shut the fuck up or leave me the fuck alone or even fuck you bitch".

I recently came across a black artist that had an excerpt from a song on youtube, that said Yo mama you know you lied to me. And I wish I could hear the rest of that song, because everything that I felt she was expressing it. As if she knew me. I could never say what I wanted to say to my mom, but I felt like through her song, I could. I personally want to say to Kissimistry, thank you for making a song that defies all the lies we were taught in the black community far as voicing our concerns to our parents. Thank you for being the rebel or zealot as the witnesses would call you. Thank you for standing up. Click to listen to Yo Mama excerpt, it's after the first song.

Howdy howdy all! Well instead of watching the Super Bowl I cleaned and watched IdleWild with Myclette. Well a friend called and reminded us to watch Prince's halftime performance and it was FABULOUS. I am behind on reading blogs right now but tomorrow between classes I will catch up with everyone. Anyway, Seal has this song called Touch which I could not find on youtube to post. I love that song! It is so beautiful and if someone was to sing that way about me...man...I guess I am just a hopeless romantic but...Do ya'll think that sort of love exists for everyone? I mean I hope so...anyway I am posting Love Divine by Seal instead because it talks about love. More pointedly about the imperfection of it (love) and the beauty in that perfection---how the doomed aspect makes it that much MORE...ya know? Well that really is just my take on it....oh well here is the video ya'll---Enjoy

 

 

 

 

 

How about some poetry...here goes...(uhm I think I am getting the hang of it---still have a ways to go though)

 

Lone Star

The sweat collects at his collar
The Texas heat aids his seduction
What codes must that drop there contain
What would it tell me if I tasted it

 

Would it dance on my tongue
Would it poison my soul
Would it mingle and change my constitution
Sweet mutations; more and better

 

Smell mixed with want

Want mixed with heat
Heat mixed with you
We mixed as one

Sweat; sweet mutation; more and better--T.S.S. aka Environgirl

 

Goddess Bless

 

I think I just pissed my husband off. Royally. But it's mutual.  He doesnt handle conflict well. He doesnt communicate well. (rolls her eyes)He has been a grump all evening. I called him on it. He stomped off to bed like a petulant child. Sometimes that just annoys me more than anything... when he treats me or the things we do as a big inconvenience, but if it's about his hobbies he is .......well..the opposite. Typical of many I suppose.
( hey dont yell at me, if the shoes fits.........)

I think he needs to just decide whether he wants to move or not, whats the saying? Um...  get off the pot man! 

I also think he is annoyed with me, because he went hunting last weekend, but showed no interest in going to the mens yearly conference. And then this morning he went again, but didnt go to the monthly mens breakfast. All of these things which are happening on Saturdays, of which he has not been able to do since he has had to work the last 2 years of Saturdays. So now that he has had them off the last month, he has not used it. So, I asked him about it. He didnt answer me.

Things that tick me off:
1-dont answer me when I ask something
2-tell me it doesnt matter
3-lie to me
4-ignore me.
5. placate me

Those are my relationship pet peeves.

I think he has male pms today.  Now I dont even want to get in bed with him, cause the mere hint of a snore is apt to make me 'accidently' punch him.

LOL.. see I told you I am not perfect. I am totally not feeling the whole proverbs 31 woman thing right now. chuckles.

"When it comes to sushi, there are two types of people. Those who love it and those who hate it."

-Me to Joel, aka Tofino advocate, on Friday nights dinner.

 

I find myself waiting for my luck to run out. Saturday night, The Drummer and I decided to order chinese, (a compromise on my part because I dragged him out for sushi on Friday) and we received three fortune cookies.

Mine read "Happiness will come with ease in the future"

He took the third one and told me it was our collective fortune. It read "Things will change for the better."

I tell him things, things I would never dream to tell anyone I love this much. I tell him stories of the person I used to be.

He asked me last night "With the life you've had, why would you want to be with me?"

The answer just fell out of my mouth. "Because I don't want the life I had"

It is all too easy. But maybe when it's so right, it's just this easy.

 

"You are perfectly imperfect. But we're perfect for eachother."