Im Pathetic @ MindSay

     So, I went to this doc today who specializes in upper extremities and he took a look at my right arm and we've finally got a straight answer on the whole thing, what's been happening is that because of some damage I did to myself years and years ago (not on purpose mind you...) my right elbow has been locking up to the point where it's very obvious I can't bend my arm straight if you see me everyday. It is also extremely painful and that coming from me is saying something since I've got a high internal pain threshold. 
     Well they took about 14 X-Rays and they have now determined that the tisssue around my elbow has turned from soft tissue into something like scar tissue and it's preventing me from bending my arm straigh...like say...you took a leather strap and tied it 4 inches up from your elbow and took another and tied it 4 inches down from your elbow then connected the two and tightened them to the point you couldn't freely move your arm straight without a ton of force, that coupled with shaking and the kind of pain that makes you want to cry...
     It seems that there is a surgical proceedure that you can do to release the tissue and give me back my range of motion...or at least most of it...it involves small incisions on either side of my elbow and the severing of the tissue...this having to be done by a person who specializes in the proceedure. The down side is that there are 3-4 major nerves that are in the area and should anything go wrong I could possibly lose the feeling in my right hand...which would be extremely bad...seeing as I am right handed...I would be completely ruined if that should happen? Everything is going to be scheduled for this summer...and I am terrified...I've got two options...

A.) go through with the surgery and risk losing the ability to use my right hand?

or B.) forgo the surgurey and stay in constant pain that is sure to get worse as time goes by and really no medication helps...trust me...I'm on the highest dose of ibuprofen they medically allow...and that barely does anything...

so...I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place...and I'm absolutely scared? Don't know which way to go about it...

p.s. on a lighter note, new theme...again...I didn't make it, found it on DA. Makes me think of him and he makes me calm...

Damn im fuckin pathetic and stooped to another low.. im addicted to mary jane and dpressed more then ever. And here comes the pathetic part i still like erika.... its fucked up i know i haevnt seen her or talked to her ina while and i still like her i dont know wats wrong with me y have i changed to be like this. but i still have strong feelings for her and i dont know wat to do... so i just want her to have a life without me i havent talked to her in a while maybe sheel just maybe forget me but maybe not i dont know??? damn im so confused and stressed and fuckin dpressed and i even get so angry i punch my boxing bag until my fucking knuckles bleed all the way around...... but anyways dont wrory about me im just a sad person.....

The Moon, ruler of our
emotional nature, is in Cancer, the zodiac sign of sentimental memories. Look
for an old song to transport you back to the day you first heard it. Focus on
making a good present out of the pleasant past.

..:: edit ::..

Guess what song came on not even 20 seconds after I posted this?

..:: anberlin - - the symphony of blase ::..

Are there no shadows where you are?
I can see everything as day
Problems that you try to hide away
Pushing me aside (You're pushing me aside)

Could the winter calm come twice?
Because your heart seems so cold tonight
Thirst for substance somehow isn't right
It's killing me inside (It's killing you inside)
Killing me inside

I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
If something isn't right
If something isn't right

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends

Are you so naive to right and wrong
How could you watch innocence forgone
Does what we've done ever really belong?
It wasted me away (I feel so wasted away)

God if you can hear me out alright
Please take these feelings for her inside
My chest hurts when I breathe tonight
It's wasting me away (You're wasting me away)
You're wasting me away

I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
If something isn't right
If something isn't right

This is our last (This is our last)

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been

This our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our goodbye
This is where love ends

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends