Illnesses @ MindSay

Well, I finally got my long needed MRI, & finally got a pain doc, who first put me on morpheine, but it just kept me asleep, so he switched it to methadone, which seems to be helping some. Anyway, the tech said my spine "was a twisted mess", plus there is damage to some discs. Looks like surgery is next, wooohooo. It's hard sometimes, for me to want to live anymore, having always been so active & once had such a full life, but I'll stay till the good Lord picks me to come home, just hope it doesn't take too long. Jeez, I sound depressed, don't I. Guess I am. This too shall pass. I'm just tired folks, that's all, just tired. Funny part is, I was born into drug addiction & alcoholism, ended up being a speed freak for years, then fought for years to stay clean, only to spend my last days on "meds", so it would seem I've completed the circle of life. Can't say I haven't done & seen many things in my life it's been full, but I really haven't been the same since my brother died, to be honest, which I think was 2001 (I try not to remember dates, too depressing). Kelley just wants to go home, my friends, plain & simple. Lots of friends & relatives there waiting on me, so I have no fear, thankfully, I know what awaits me, & one day I'll be there. Ugg, hate to blog a depressing blog, but I guess I just needed to talk to someone (whoever listens) & get it off my mind. Marriage is still a mess,the true joy I get out of my every day now is my Hoss, the English mastiff.I swear to you, this dog has saved me by just loving me for the time I've had him & he's still doing his job, helping me get out of my chair,helping me get up when I fall etc. He's always gonna be my honey boy,my little big man. He's 18 months old now, & about 130 or so now. Officially 1/2 a dog, cuz they don't reach matuity until they're a full 3 years old. He's gonna be a big boy. Well, I hope all of you are doing well. I love you all. Blessed be, QuellyQ

Ok so a couple of days ago my friend Brittany found out that she has a tumor in her head. She told me and acouple close friends. I have known brittany for a really long time and to think she would ever had that is crazy. When i first found out i began to cry. She is like my sister. Anyway, brittany doesn't come from a good family, her mom is a drunk, her father left them when she was 4, and her stepfather raped her had been raping her for the past 5 years when she was 13. she never had the courage to tell her mom but "someone" eventually did.at first her mother didn't believe her, hated her and kicked her out of her house and she never wanted to go back but, one day her mother came by and asked her to come home, that she believed her and she did. Her mother kicked the stepfather out. and brittany has never been closer with her mom because that's when she started drinking. Now, brittany was going to move to arkansas and we were supposed to go on a road trip with a few of our friends. She really needs surgery immediately and we wont be able to go to the road trip.

 Im sorry Seth. Im sure you'll understand.

I was supposed to get a truck with the money if i didn't go on the road trip but, now i am giving the money to brittany for her surgery, because of her situation. it is very possible that they might not be able to help her even if they do the surgery and if it doesn't work she could die in 6 months considering how fast the tumor is growing. She was once part of my family. She lived here for a while and my parents see her as their own too. so we are all helping and hoping that she will make it through ok.

 Yesterday, was also i bad day. I received a call from my parents and they told me that my grandfather was very ill, that he was on his way down to Nogales and that we needed to go pick him up bring him back to phx and take him to the hospital immediately . My father started telling me that he had only once in his life seen him cry and that he always sucked up the pain no matter what.A very independent man. But, now he even had my uncle Eugene travel with him and he is ready to give everything to him (Eugene). A house, a restaurant, a bar, and acouple of acres of land that he owns. Eugene is a man who abandoned his family, a wife, and two little ones, a little 3 year old girl and a 2 yr old boy. he is also somewhat of a drunk. This is how bad my granfather is, to be willing to give everything to him. And we sit here and ask our selfs "why?" My grandfather is ill from his heart and was afraid that he might have a heart attack on his way here that is why he had my uncle come with him. So, we went down there and when we were almost 30 minutes away from Nogales or the border, we got a call. it was my grandmother. She said that he woul arrive around 9:00pm and not 5:00pm. We went to a theatre and we killed sometime. It was finally time to go get him and when we arrived and he walked through those doors i saw i weak man, worried and desperate. Most of all he was worried and wanted to get to a hospital here. My grandfather has always been a laid back kind of person, never worried, and always helping other ppl out. Now, he didn't even let me hug him when i saw him. He had his eyes opened wide as if he was trying to stay awake or alive. He couldn't walk at times while getting to the car and didn't speak much at all. It was also hard for him to breath. I went to the car and got him a blanket so he didn't have to walk in the cold while getting to the car. It actually halped him and half an hour later he was talking and just couldn't seem to stop. He seemed less worried and was even joking around. i didn't turn the AC on the whole way back (three hours) so everyone was really hot and sweaty, it was gross, but, granpa was happy and the more hot it was the better he felt. so, i didn't want to open any windows or anything. By the time we were half way home i got pulled over by a stupid cop. I thought that i was doing fine in speed but, he said that i was going 26 over the speed limit. and i told him that the sign said 75 and he said that it changes like 10 mile back then goes lower to 50 then back up later on the road. So, i got alittle pissed because there was NO FUCKEN SIGNS! well, then i decided to be sneaky and told him h=that my grandfather was very ill and that is why i was kinda in a rush but, it wasn't my excuse... he asked my to see my licsence and registratiom and i gave it to him like if i was in a hurry to leave,just then my grandfather started coughing really loud and alot...i got worried. The cop leaned in and saw him and only gave me a ticket for going 64 and not the 26 over speed limit. so, i got away with only having to pay 34 dollars :) then when i got back on the road i asked my grandpa if he was ok....come to fi out he put up and act and was fine. it was kinda funny. then, finally we got home at around 2:00am maybe earlier. I asked him if he wanted to go the hospital and he refused so, i left him my room and i slept on the couch. At night i got up to the bathroom and passed by my room and the door was opened...i saw him sleeoing on the little couch in my bedroom sitting up. I could only imagine how uncomfortable that must have been. He couldn't lay down at all. This morning we got up and dad cameand got him and took him to the hospital. He is ther now and i should get redy to go see him and how he is doing.

 i wish brittany and grandpa best of luck.