Illness @ MindSay 
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Disclaimer: This is part of an ongoing case in my area. The subject matter is personal to me because I have the same condition the little girl died from. For that reason, it's difficult impossible for me to be objective, so I apologize in advance if I come across as irrational or rude to anyone. I've put minimal commentary in parenthesis. Also...this is long.
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Madeline "Kara" Neumann, 11, died on Easter 2008 of undiagnosed, untreated diabetes. This happened because her parents chose to pray over her rather than take her to the doctor for medical treatment. Her parents interacted on a website for Unleavened Bread Ministries and held their own prayer groups; they also have been quoted as believing that illness is a result of sin, and prayer alone can heal the illness. They both have been charged with reckless homicide in the death of their daughter.
The mother, Leilani, is finishing up her trial right now. The opening statements started Saturday May 16, 2009 and closing arguments are to begin Friday May 22, 2009. Having opening statements on Saturday is rare, but the judge did not want the trial to go into the Memorial Day holiday. Once jury selection was down to about two dozen people, they were individually questioned in judge's chambers, from what I gather, and this is also rare but was done due to the nature of the case and the amount of publicity it has received. It tells me that the judge assigned to this case did his job well to make sure the jury was as unbiased as possible and hopefully this will help prevent any grounds for appeal. The taxpayers are paying for her and her husband's attorneys, even though they own two homes and had their own business (which folded after this came out). Her husband, Dale, is scheduled to be on trial at the end of July.
Kara's condition declined over a long time, and doctors said that she could have been saved up until the moment she died. The family argues that she was fine up until 18 hours before her death. For anyone who knows anything, diabetes does not just pop up overnight. There are signs and symptoms. Parents - if your child was drinking and using the bathroom more often than normal, would you question it? If they were more fatigued and worn out, would you question it? Would you brush it off? Would you think of taking them to a doctor? Those three symptoms are the three most common in diabetes.
I suppose if you believe that God is more powerful than doctors, or don't believe that God created doctors and gave them the wisdom and tools to heal, you might not put faith in medicine. Or if you feel that prayer is all you need to heal a physical illness, you would never need a doctor. I'm not talking about a prayer that Little Johnny gets better. I'm talking about full on prayers, no medicine involved or combined with the prayer. I'm talking about putting your hand on my body and my physical illness will be healed by your prayers alone.
The kicker of this is, even though they believed all you needed to do is pray, they had health insurance. (Why didn't they use it?!?!?)
Kara's extended family pled with her parents to call the doctor. They just continued asking everyone they knew to pray, because Kara was sick. They had been asking people to pray longer than the day of Kara's death, so they knew that she was sick. Leilani used the words "emergency" and "matter of life and death" in the emails, so she definitely knew it was serious! Finally, an 18 year old woman in CA who had just married into the family called 911, because she - Kara's new aunt, her husband - Kara's uncle, and Kara's maternal grandmother didn't want to sit back and do nothing. This woman had never met the girl and she had picked up the phone! Friends of the parents who were in the home and saw Kara lying lifeless didn't even do that much.
The first day of Mommy Dearest's trial, during opening statements, she collapsed. The court ordered she be examined by EMTs. (How ironic....she wouldn't get her daughter medical treatment, but treatment is called for her when she's being tried for her daughter's death. Wouldn't that have been sweet justice, for them not to call because she wouldn't have wanted them to.)
Day 1 of the trial, the medical examiner said the girl's body was emaciated and malnourished. She was also dehydrated, which supports the cause of death. A different doctor testified about his autopsy; stating that her death occurred over time and resembled starvation, but wasn't. She wasn't starving because she wasn't given food, but because the diabetes didn't allow her body to carry food to the body's tissue. While there was food in her stomach at autopsy, they couldn't determine how long it had been since she'd eaten. For diabetics, the digestion is sometimes slowed (I can attest to this because my gastro doctor has checked with me about any problems I've had in this regard).
Day 2 started with testimony of former friends of the family. They moved here from CA to join in the Bible teachings the Neumann family did as well as be business partners in the Neumann's coffee shop. After a disagreement in religious beliefs, their relationship ended, but when Kara's health declined, Leilani called on former friends AW and RW to pray for their daughter. AW testifies that Leilani believed that illness meant a person was sinning. AW also testified that Leilani asked her if she thought Kara could be sick because the two families had a falling out. AW and RW went to the Neumann's house to check on Kara, but didn't call 911 until they saw Kara's mouth twitch. Apparently before that point, the girl looked like she was improving. (huh?? she was in a coma!!) Even at that point, the family believed prayers would bring her back from the dead.
Called into evidence are emails from the family computer, sent to people for "emergency prayers". There was also an email from a web-based preacher asking for emergency prayers for Kara.
One of my former pediatricians took the stand in this case. He talked about the symptoms and that they would have been present for weeks, and if a person gets treated they have a 99% chance of survival, but if not, it almost always winds up in death. An EMT testified as to the girl's condition when he arrived at the scene, and also said that Leilani told him all Kara needed was some fluids. There was information elsewhere that stated Leilani actually tried squirting water in Kara's mouth. (Was she trying to kill her? She was in a coma. She couldn't have swallowed anything. IV fluids were the only way.)
Day 3 starts with another friend testifying. She states that Kara seemed fine, just tired and quiet in the days before her death. She believes in prayer and that it can heal but she did urge the parents to call a doctor. She says Kara was given a spray bottle with water but someone had to open her mouth for her because she wasn't strong enough to do it herself. This friend has since stopped attending the Bible study group because of different interpretations in the Bible.
Kara's 16 year old sister testifies. She says that her sister was tired, started drinking a lot and going to the bathroom a lot, and the day before she died, Kara needed help walking to the bathroom because she was so weak. She was also too weak to talk, and grunted and groaned instead. The night before her death, Kara's brother and sister slept with Kara on a couch in the living room to keep an eye on her, but Leilani was exhausted and slept in her bedroom. The sister says that mom did come out to check on Kara during the night. The sister also gives conflicting testimony as to whether or not someone said to call a doctor on the Sunday morning that Kara died. She says that when she told her mom that Kara seemed tired, her mom said it was probably just puberty. She also still believes they did the right thing in praying for Kara instead of taking her to the doctor because it's dissing God to think a doctor is more powerful.
The defense never called a single witness, not even Leilani herself. The prosecution's closing statement lasted one hour and it's main points were that they as parents had a duty to provide medical care for Kara, that it is untrue that the illness happened so fast that they didn't have time to get treatment, reminded the jury of medical expert testimony, that Leilani told other people about Kara being in a coma but not the ER doctor she spoke with, that the failure to get medical treatment caused the girl's death, and that the government cannot take away a person's right to their religious beliefs, but it can regulate that a parent has to protect a child. The DA also said that a parent is required to take care of their children and not even religious beliefs should get in the way. The fact that the family called so many people asking for them to pray proves that she knew how sick her daughter was, as well as the emails that were sent using the words "emergency" and "this is a matter of life or death".
In the defense's closing statement, he basically just said that since the family prays about everything, that their praying about this is not unusual, and that as soon as the family knew how sick the girl was they had someone call 911. He said that Kara hadn't been to the doctor in years because she was very healthy and her parents took very good care of her, and wouldn't sit by and let her die.
After about 4 hours of deliberation, the jury came back with a GUILTY verdict. I'm elated with this news! Apparently there was no emotion by Leilani or her family. The only person who would go on camera to comment was her stepfather. He said that this isn't over; they plan to investigate the DA's office for mishandling the case and creating a crime scene where there wasn't one, and they will go to the Supreme Court if they have to. He also said that they all would do the same thing again - pray rather than get medical treatment; he doesn't hold anything against the jury because they were just doing their job - even though they came to the wrong decision. One news reporter said a comment was made by the defense attorney that he plans to appeal, possibly on the grounds that they weren't allowed to have an expert faith healer witness testify.
My personal opinion...justice was served. Kind of. This young girl did not get a fair chance at life. If both parents are convicted the surviving children will be without their sister and both parents. No matter the outcome, they're messed up for life. The fact that so few people involved think nothing they did was wrong is astonishing. I'm so angry about all of it...I've only suffered some of the symptoms Kara went through; what she encountered at the end was far worse than anything I've ever gone through. The fact that her parents did nothing but pray bothers me. I know how I feel when my blood sugar is high - which is what she experienced at a supremely high level which caused her to go into ketoacidosis and a coma. A high blood sugar is bad enough, but to feel worse than that I can't imagine. To know that I could have saved her just by giving her insulin...that there are plenty of people in this city that could have....it makes me feel such a range of emotions. I believe in prayer, but when I pray, I pray for things that aren't tangible like strength or courage or hope, etc. for myself or someone else to get through whatever situation is going on. I don't pray for specific things, like for my diabetes to go away. Yeah, I wish it would, but it's more or less hoping that a cure will come along. I don't believe that prayer will heal me of a physical illness. I believe that God gave doctors the knowledge and tools to heal. I also feel that while this case was about prayer and faith healing, it still was a case of medical neglect.
So that's what I have for a week long trial. I've calmed down a LOT but I know that it's not over either. With the husband's trial in July and the appeals that will no doubt follow, who knows what will happen. If anyone is interested in following this, I'll probably be blogging about it in July, and we've made national news too.
Here's a Yahoo link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090522/ap_on_re_us/us_prayer_death. You can Google too. Here is a link to all the news stories, from start to finish, if anyone's interested: http://www.wsaw.com/karaneumanndeath/headlines.
If you're still reading, thanks for sticking with me. Hope I didn't bore you!
Back in the fall of 2001, Grandma and Grandad Williams were set to take a trip to Las Vegas. As is usually the case we met them at the airport for a dinner before their flight. This was mere weeks after 9/11 and we were making small talk about how hard airports were suddenly to deal with. But that was not going to stop them from doing what they loved, which was travel.
It was on the drive home that we started to talk about how much less energetic than usual Grandma was. Here was a woman who could talk at length about any given subject and loved to do so, occasionally invoking Grandad when she needed support. She'd be telling the story, then look over, in that warm Northern English accent, "Was it 1969 Joe?" and Grandad would nod, "Oh yah, 1969," and she'd continue on and he'd hardly say a thing the rest of the night, except when she'd need further confirmation. This was their relationship and it worked, even on less energetic occasions such as this.
Well before long, we earned that this was cancer, a foe that, at the age of 14, I'd not yet met in my life. Heard of it yes, but never face to face. And suddenly it lived in Grandma Williams. Chemo, cancer bonnets, breathing tubes, walkers, all cropped but but that verve was never taken from her. She was still the one telling the stories, only now Grandad was serving her tea while she relaxed. Stories like the one way back in our ancestry, when a distant grandmother of ours was young and pregnant and despondent, for she'd lived a quiet, lonely life in the North of England. Excluding the father of her child, she'd never had a friend in her life, and so, when her child was born, she named it, aptly, Friend. (I can't say I know which branch of the treee it'd be, or how many decades before her own birth it was, but I reckon it was either Friend Radcliffe or Friend Johnson.) Years later I happened to see the entire genealogical history of my dad's ancestors and sure enough Friend was listed, a name that was passed down to his or her own child. This love of storytelling I remember fondly of my Grandma, along with the nickname Pidgin for her grandkids, and her love of crosswords and cryptograms, which she passed on to me. "They keep the mind sharp in the old age," she said.
A mythology has built up around her, and far be it from me to claim this is absolutely true, but what I believe is that, being an older lady, they didn't hold much hope for her survival. It's hard for doctors to admit pessimism but you admire their realism when they say maybe a year or two. I don't know when they said this, or if they did at all, but that's what I heard. At any rate, Grandma took them by surprise by taking four and change.
In January 2005, she went into the hospital. Said Grandad, "I don't think she'll be here long." This was a relief to me, but I couldn't know at that time it was a very British way of being bleak. One morning after a very well-received drama presentation I heard a knock at my door. Grandma had left us late that night.
We didn't see them often, but regularly, twice a year like clockwork, at Easter and Thanksgiving (that is, Canadian Thanksgiving,) we visited them in North Bay. Eric had opted not to come the last time and I always sensed to felt guilty about missing his last chance to see her. It was a small ceremony, according to her wishes, with just enough males present to pallbear while Grandad watched sadly. Dad, my brothers, me, Uncle Alan and cousin Evan. Uncle Alan gave the eulogy, but there was not much to say as public speaking isn't his strong suit and Grandma wouldn't have cared much for the proceeding, as far as any of us could tell. We all knew how to feel anyhow. She was cremated and buried, and sometime after we went with Grandad to the plot to see his name beside hers, waiting for that last date to be filled in. How like Grandma to never be lacking a plot.
As anyone would after this, Grandad became reflective. As he resumed those trips that had been denied him and Grandma in those last years - Portugal, Vegas, England, Australia - he'd joke about finding a rich widow. But more honest were his tears at his birthday, when he'd thank us and wonder aloud how much longer he'd be with us. Here, a man struggles to find words. They weren't his part of the relationship, after all.
But every Thanksgiving and Easter we'd come see him and make chit chat each night before dinner, and on the last mornings before heading back home. And every Christmas and Birthday dad would have us call and thank him for his card and make dreadful small talk that couldn't be extinguished quickly enough for him - very practical with whatever words he used. Preparing for a cruise down Panama way he felt ill and sent us money for the dinner we would have had with him before that trip. Dad encouraged us to send him letters saying what we'd been up to lately. With nothing interesting going on in my life (the entire letter could have consisted of the word "School") I never sent mine.
When the tests came back, none of us I think were surprised to hear the word "Cancer" again. It was just before Easter and I had a few weeks to sit and think about it and wonder how he would be when we visited, and wonder how many more times I would see him at all. It was morbid, but seemed wrong to indulge and think about anything else (I did anyhow, on occasion.)
The trip lasted three days. Again Eric opted not to come, this time due to being busy with school (though he telephoned us his regret, which was classy.) On Friday night dad asked us whether we wanted to come to the hospital. I wasn't aware we'd be given a choice and hesitated - ultimately we did not. Instead we waited until before dinner the next night. When we got there he was asleep, his mouth drawn down like a cartoon yowl. Dad's descriptions had focused on how thin he looked, and perhaps that was correct. No longer his robust retired miner self, he was simply an elderly gentleman in a paper gown. The change was most notable in his face, where the life drawn from his cheeks made his ears and eyes seem bigger, and this was the way he looked less familiar. Also, it seemed someone had taken his teeth from him, which was not only odd but combined with his accent made it difficult to converse in a comparatively normal way.
Still, he was glad to joke and ask why we looked so grim. I told him Brandon always looked like that anyway. Indeed, I just couldn't think how to behave. Offensive to be sensitive, callous to be cheerful. I was deciphering a cryptogram in my mind - what is the correct way to feel?
He smiled, knowing he'd be discharged the following Monday, counting on a trip to Sudbury (where they do Oncology) to give him maybe four more years. All we wanted was for him to eat more and walk some.
We visited him Sunday morning before leaving town - wished him a Happy Easter and thanks for the cards, which were not cards but envelopes of money - he apologized because after all, he hadn't been able to get out and buy Easter cards, not that he had any need to apologize.
During a lull in the conversation, all he had to say was "Okay, off you go." No doubt he had longed to say this during our previous often protracted visits on similar mornings at Easter and Thanksgiving for years since Grandma died, but being sick gave him a good excuse to get away with it. I hugged him and was relieved he was not only still himself, but moreso.
Whether he gets those four more years from Sudbury, or we're called again to be pallbearers soon, I don't know, but I doubt he would want me much fretting about it until then. For now I've used up my words.
Off you go.
Keep on rockin
-Scotto
I haven't been on here a lot lately. Things are going for us like a lot of people in the country, family unemployed, debt mounting and now my husband's health has tipped again from balancing on the edge of being stable to issues coming up every few days.
We had a good event two Saturdays aga, at least it started out as a good event. My husband had gotten involved in Knights of Columbus, it was something that got him out of the house and involved with other people, not focused on his illnesses. So Saturday mornign we left early for Richmond so he could become a 4th degree Knight. As he was getting into the car from his wheelchair thatt morning, his knee popped. We made it through the ceremonies all that day but when we got home that night, he could not put any weight on it to get out of the car. I got him into the house and that Monday we went to the doctor. He had torn the meniscus in his knee just getting in the car. So they scheduled day surgery for this past Monday. Then before we could make it to the surgery I took him to his dermatologist because of a scaly patch of skin on his temple, skin cancer, squamous cells. So he had laser surgery and they scheduled a followup visit for this Thursday.
So Monday he had his surgery, everything went fine, doctor says he would be up and about in a day,but sore. Well he isn't able to put any weight on it yet, can't get in and out of wheelchair or his bed without help and I am sleeping on the couch this week so tha I wont disturb him when he can get some sleep. I am supposed to go in Thursday for an appointment for my lap band surgery and I am going to have to cancel it becasueI can't leave him alone. I haven't been able to go into work at all, which makes me nervous because they are starting to talk about possible layoffs at work.
As I have pushed and pulled him around the house from wheelchair to bed to recliner I have realized that when he becomes completely wheelchair bound I will not be able to manage him at home anymore. I can barely manage him now when he is still physically able to help somewhat. I don't know what I am going tgo do, this is wearing me down faster than I anticipated, physically and emotionally.
My husband is a member of a large family. Since his family lost their father last year they have made a concerted effort to help me with my husband. Especially since they have seen how bad it has gotten with him.
So since the spring we have had 4 of them visit for 3 days and up to two weeks. I am having my house cleaned today in prepration of a fifth one visiting next week. And I appreciate and love each one of them for their efforts to help.
But during all of these visits I have realized there should be rules for visiting sick relatives:
Don't assume that my level of home cleaness should match or exceed yours. My husband and I are pretty much restricted to the main level of the house now, so my concern for cob webs and dust bunnies under beds in rooms I only open when visitors exceed the capacity of the one bedroom upstairs that I keep ready does not match your concern.
Please don't keep pushing the couches apart in the living room because you think they are too crunched together in the middle of the room. Yes I know they are, but when I crunch them close together then it gives a bigger path to the front door for my husband to use when he is leaving the house in his wheelchair.
Please don't rearrange the furniture on the main level of the house. It is small and yes the setup looks strrange but it allows my husband to get from point A to point B to point C with out falling when he is not in his wheelchair. Plus if you rearrange the furniture the way it "should be" it puts too much strain on the electrical circuit for a specific wall when my husband uses his lift chair and other items in the room are turned on or in use. Then I have to wander through the dark to flip the circuit breakers in the basement.
I appreciate your helping with meals, but please don't stock our refrigerator or kitchen shelves with items that your family loves. That is fine if you can eat all of it before you leave, but if not then it leaves food that my husband is not allowed to have or even likes to take up space.
And yes I know that dishes and cookware are sitting out all over the countertops. I know it is cluttered but my husband cannot safely bend down or reach up to get those items, especially when he is home alone.
And yes I realize that it is strange to have coffee mugs with the shelf he has his meds on, but it is right over the coffee pot and he enjoys making himself a cup of coffee in the morning sitting on the stool I keep there (so please don't move it out of the way) to take his morning meds.
Please don't correct the angle of the kitchen trash can. The way I have it allows my husband to wheel his chair into the kitchen, back it up into the correct position to recharge it overnight.
And yes I know the house is dark because the curtains are drawn, he is supposed to stay our of the sunlight because of his pheresis treatments.
And yes we do go to bed early. I sleep when he sleeps and still have to go to work. As much as I want to visit and catch up on everything, I know that while you are asleep upstairs I will be up several times during the night.
And I know a vase of flowers sitting around really brightens up a place, but all I see is a dirty stinky vase that I have to clean after you leave.
And yes I know the end of the couch is not the best place to open mail and do bills, but at the end of all this at least I can sit down and be still while I am doing something.
And finally we both appreciate all that you do while you are visiting and are very glad you got to spend some time with us. Please come again.
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