I Miss Tyler @ MindSay

i thought i didnt "like tyler"...like...what a stupid little  word...trying to...cover up feelings...too unbearable.

if i recall i wrote an entry about how"oh no..i cant fall in love w/ tyler!! i dont wanna get hurt!!"
why would i deny ever loving him? sure..it wasnt what i felt for dan-o..but..it was still this...this love.


today i found out he has a girlfriend.

...and whne she asks him"how many gf's have  you had?" he will say "too many to count" as if he never knew my name.


and with that fucking hurricane going  on...going towards little josh.......

and...my mom's friend just went through a devorce...and not too long ago...she was put in a mental hospital. i love  her to death. she is an amazing person. there is nothign wrong with her. divorce does crazy things to people......it would pass in time. to make matters worse..her son was taken away fromher...he is only 2..about to be 3. know this...my frinds..is  just wrong..and disgusting.




its just too much right now. tyler,dan-o, that friend of my mom......a hurricane.


dan-o..i miss you so much...why cant you be wi5h me right now..... and just...let me feel again. feel..happy.....


fuck you tyler...fuck you. this is what i've become..... this is know who i must be ashamed of.....

dan, jake, tyler and i filmed a awesome  movie of which the likes  of  you  have never seen.  i think its called "batman  returns yet again "  or "  Batdental "  something, but anyway its hilarious, we have around 12 minutes of footage of me in a nigh-python-grip-tight shirt and this mask i made in art,  (its the same costume i  wore when i was like 8 or something)  dan with the batman mask i had for some other haloween , this truly shity cape and a foam chest piece running around the park and downtown. the first scene dan gets hit in the groin with a football, thrown by tyler, and then we chase tyler around the world war two oblesik and then i tackle tyler. then theres some running, stealth manoovers, dancing, ect. so yeah it was awesome. all thats left is music and we have a master piece. and im told that this is preview, so i assume their planning a actual movie sometime in the future.  NEW FEELINGS STIRRING INSIDE OF DUFFMAN.......WHAT WOULD JESUS DO???!!! and split our group in drama. fo sho. apparently people were pissed but, get over it  , we had 13 group members, thered just be an endless power struggle and blahh blah blah, big groups never work, thats the end of that chapter, suck it trebeck. next on my agenda is to pick up some apple sauce form a&p and other stuff to stock up my locker with high qual tah pro deuce annne fooodits. hahahahahaa i cant believe the tags this thing comes up with sometimes, hahaha, man diablo 2 is a awesome game, i pwned so manyyy fallen with my raven hoardes youd be lik, omg you probly hack you pwned so many fallen with your raven hoardess. well this is me signing off, saying may all your days be filled with pie, nights with dancing and mornings with ..........ahhh lets say fried chicken. everyone loves that. good day sir.

okay... this is my bi-polar b-day.....

first of al..it was my b-day!!! SWEET!!!!!!!!!

i got me some presents.... and  all dat shiz!!!
plus..whoop-dee-doo!! homcoming is later!!!

but then i become slightly sad cuz tyler cant go.....

then suddenly...i am depressed because i find out that my little josh moved to florida....tear tear....
but then i find out..tyler CAN go!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
but then i go to the game and see tyler..so i walk around w/ hiom the whole time...flirtin and all dat shiz.... i mean... im pretty sure he was flirtin....

and ya.

and THEN... scott R is like "hey tyler. u goin to the dance w/ maddie?"

and guess what tyler says....






YES!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! im goin w/ tyler!! hehehehehe!!!

so the game is over we go to the dance.....

and we never dance......once.

and then...i see dan-o dancin w/ sarah F's older sister.

like slow dancing..and i just start bawling.......

i felt like throwing up.....

i know they werent like a couple or anything but...i  was doing so good forgetting him and then i see that and it just...brought it all back......

that could be me dancing w/ him...it should be me dancing w/ him......

anyhoo.....

so tyler sees me cry and despretly wants to kno why..... i dont tell him..neither does grace....

and the night rolls on...and they play "its your love"....might i remind you that it was one of me and dan-o's songs...so i cry more.......


and tyler figures out that it's dan-o...and he still does not dance  w/ me.......

and then all my friends leave and tyler wants to stay t'll 11:30(my mom is giving him a ride home)

so we do...and when they play a final slow song..tyler says"lets go"

and that just pissed me off.

so i go around to my remaining buddie s and give hugs..go outside....

and call my mom.

i then remember that i have to grab my global issues folder..

so i say to tyler"hey come w/ me really quick"

he says"no..u just go..i'll stay here"

then we go on saying "come on" "no" etc.......

then finally i say"ya know what? you already wont dance w/ me so have a fucking fun time out here"

and storm into the school.

the doors to get to the hall are all blocked off so i cant get my stuff.

so i just go to danelle and cody and cry... cuz im fucking tires of all this shit.

and then tyler comes in and tlakes to cody and looks really pissed.

so then i cry more cuz im afriad i pissed him off....

so i go outside and holy shit does he have a death stare.

so i walk up like"i-im sorry...what did i do?! im sorry..."

and sit next to him.....

he tells me to put on my sweatshirt cuz its freezing...i just say im okay.

i see my mom start to pull up and i just give him a huge hug...... and we have this lovely moment for a while...then we get into the back of our SUV.......

nit even a minute ino the drive..tyler suddenly puts his hand on my leg...like he wants to hold my hand...i..at this point,am utterly confused...so i just look at him. and then i realize he wants me to actually hold his hand...so i do...........

and......


we get to his house....

he gets out..and tells my mom thanks for the ride..i  gte out..close the door behind me and say"umk...whats goin on now?"

him" i just wanna make you happy"

and he gives  me a huge hug.
then i say"so r we ever gonna go bakc out?"

him"maybe" and then he flashes that uber sweet smile.

i get into the car... go home...and cry...... all night long.....

cry for tyler and dan-o.......

and what i am now......

and for the first time i actually cried  because of me and tyler's breakup...like...how i did about me and dan-o's......




so ya....that was my shitty yet spiffy b-day....

luvvin it bitches