I Hate Life @ MindSay

Dixie currently feels:

Depressed

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I'm not happy today.

 

The day has gone by so slowly.

How I despise Mondays.

 

The only good thing about today was that my Science teacher wasn't in.

As a result, I only did one question, and spent the rest of the lesson talking with Nazia.

 

I AM SO SICK OF THEORETICAL YIELD.

 

It's more Maths than anything.

And I HATE Maths.

Screw Maths up the backside with a calculator.

I don't need to be doing Maths in SCIENCE.

Leave me alone, you poxy numbers.

 

 

From the end of first lesson, to before I left the library - I had a safety-pin stuck in my glasses.

I clipped it round the right branch, next to my eyebrow.

 

Eighteen people commented.

I did it for the pure crack.

I wanted to see how many people would notice.

 

Nazia found it really funny.

My Maths teacher was confused.

My Geography teacher was bewildered.

Our librarian smiled at me - as she always does.

 

I didn't smile back.

I'm not in the mood to smile today.

 

I'm sick of people using my weaknesses against me.

So sick of being ignored.

So sick of being left alone.

So sick of people rubbing how good their lives are in my face.

 

Sick of the preps talking about insignificant matters.

The world is a terrible place - awful things are happening. Nobody cares.

 

I miss Emily.

I need her back.

Hi. im corey.
im half irish. half black
i dont like my self.
i burn shit and smoke alot.
im sadistic and enjoy others suffering
im bipolar and depressed.
i have friends but they dont understand the darkness
i dont care really
but it would be nice to talk to someone who does.
when i am happy its not a good happy more like a
"its ok now" happy
i hate my life.

i dont like it
but whatever
talk to me if you want
i dont care

This is why I hate life, hate my parents, and I fucking hate the world!!

 

In 4th grade, my mom showed up one day after school and told me to turn my books in. We were going home and I was never going to go back. I never got to say goodbye to any of my friends or anything. We just... disappeared. My mom told me I didn't need friends. I didn't need to talk to people. So, she put me in the house and locked me up. No more friends. No more social contact. Just all alone.

 

A few months after that, we moved. We lived in a beautiful mansion - it was just wonderful. I guess we just... spent too much money on shit and we had just too many medical bills to pay off, and we just sortof went broke. So now we live in a completely white-trash home. It only has like 7 rooms in it and I have to sleep in the attic. The basement is solid mold, it smells like cat piss(not because of our cats, it was like this before), smells like pee, it's right next to two bars, it's right in front of a park, and so yeah. We do not have a yard - front or back, at all, and it's way over-priced for a piece of shit like this. There's no kids anywhere, and I hate it.

 

Soon after we moved, I started taking riding lessons. I met new friends there and it was great - I had a blast while it lasted. I bought a horse, and things were going good. I even got a boyfriend - at this time, I'm not sure if we're still together or not. But I'm pretty sure we're not. My mom was MAD. She still is. She didn't want me to have friends or even to talk to people.

 

So, in April, on Easter Sunday, we moved my horse  to another barn. I HATE IT! Purposely, she made sure there were no kids there, and that nobody came down there at night. She thought for sure this would stop my social contact. It didn't. I still went on dates, went to horse shows, hung out with the kids. Good summer. Thanks to my dad - he's the one that made it all possible. Over time though I guess it just got old. We all got in a fight and the only one I had left was my boyfriend and my horse... if my horse even counts.

 

Lately my mom changed BIG TIME. She was never really all right in the head, but still. All lately she's been waking up, complaining, beating on me, cussing me out 24/7, telling me all the reasons why I can't have friends and blah blah blah. The worst thing, though, she took Alex away from me. I'd hate to call it love... but all I know is that I loved him more than I loved my mom or dad - ever. I won't go into detail of what she did, I just can't stand to type it out all over again. I fucking hate her the worst for this, though. He was the only one who understood me. The only one who treated me nicely. The only one who showed me a good time. The only one to make me feel loved. The only one to ever make me feel better about life. The only one to make me feel like there wasn't anything bad in the world. And now he's just... gone. Out of my life. Thanks to my mom.

 

Now I'm all alone. Just sitting here. On my computer. All day. Being depressed. Worrying about things I can't list. Wanting to die. Getting beat. Getting cussed out every waking moment. Getting screamed at.

 

When things like that happen, I still get scared. My body turns numb, I start shaking, I try so hard not to cry as she'll get even madder, but I just can't stand not to. I always feel as if my mom is going to just kill me one day. To get me out of her life.

 

Although, I do I want to kill myself so bad. Just the thought of it excites me - it makes me happy.

 

I want to kill myself in front of a crowd of people. A huge crowd. I want my parents to watch. I want to be on the news. I want to be noticed for once in my life. I want to die in an extreme way. An amazing way. A mysterious way.

hey i'm new here just one of those people who don't have a life and spend it on the internet blogging i have 5 of them

no one reads my myspace blog hope they will on mindsay i have alot to get off my chest

i was the girl who always had something funny or stupid to say the one who had alot of friends and was an eternal optimistic till i met him... ever since i haven't been the same i hate the reflection in the mirror ,i cut my wrists and i wish i had the courage to finish the attemted suicides i've done , i hate my life and i'm sad even when i smile i wish i was someone else

my friends recently gave me the ultimatum : be the old better version of you or we wn't talk to you any more

i wish i could but i don't know her i forgot her name , her smile her life

i hate her !!! she made me like this she fell in love she met him

i loved sexy clothing and pink and now i love dark black clothes i want to dye my hair red white and black (it's brown) i can' go back to her

but i'll pretend so i don't find myself alone

like the way i feel

i'll finish this blog another time got to go

 

 

have you ever felt alone, i mean  truly alone. every ones there and they all love you no one can say a bad word about you but there's just that one person who could love you that little bit more and then you would know the whole world would be perfect,i started spending so much time focusing on this one part of my life that wasn't perfect and let every thing else slip every thing was going wrong and now i feel truly at the bottom, i keep telling my self i have family and friends but every thing is still going wrong and it keeps getting worse but i can't focus how could this one boy get in the way of my life so much i can't get him out it's the only thing i can fully concentrate on and he doesnt even know it I'd get rid of him but we're still friends and i live my life around him he's so important o me not just as a crush, i can't live with him but i can't live without him, but i know i can't carry on like this; I'm dying inside.