I Hate Drama @ MindSay

That picture of Hitler on the front page is CREEPING ME OUT.

It reminds me of an episode of Twilight Zone I saw, good episode though.

So I am departing in less than 3 hours, that makes me extremely happy. I didn't miss this place at all. It was neat chillin with my brothers, but the drama is just too much. I'm a very mellow person, I hate drama & chaos. My bed didn't feel like mine anymore. The couch was unfriendly. Everything was just--empty.

It may sound bad, but it's the truth. It's just not cozy here. I know I have to come back in August, but that doesn't change how I feel about the whole thing.

I really hate drama.  I tend to roll myeyes at people who have stupid problems and turn them into drama.  But I really hate the drama when it conserns me and I have to be in the middle of the whole stupid thing. 

I'm so glad that my ex has finally gotten over his ex that he had before me.  But not so glad that he is all depressed now because he's not going to get me back now either.  It is so crazy!  He is intrested in one girl, still pines for his ex fiensse(yeah I spelled that wrong, a girl he was going to marry), and now he wants me back!  I'm so freaking confused on where all this came from.  I thought everything was going well when his girl of intrest started taking some intrest in him.  I was just afraid that he would hurt her like he did me with his wanting his "soon to be wife" back.  But now he is going to have the issue of how he likes me and wants me but is probably going to date her.   Some how he stared feeling this way about me after I gave him a tounge lashing for not paying attention to stuff in life and maybe looking at what other people were going threw.  At the time I was wanting some attention from him because my grandfather had diied and he was throwing a pity party for himself, but I did not want this kinda of attention.

Makes me glad I can get away this weekend and kinda get away from it all.  This is just a bad time for it all.  Well anytime would be a bad time because I'm not going to go out with him again. That and I have found a guy who is actually intrested in me and I am intrested in and feel really comfortable around.  Hopefully this retreat will give us some insite and help us grow and get to know each other better.  Who knows maybe something we learn can be used to help our friend who I discribed above.

Yay! Relationships!  I must say I am excited to see how this one goes and develops.  I just know that I don't want it to move to fast.  My last two seemed to move fairly and really fast...and I just don't like those.  I know my definition of moving to fast is probably way diffrent than other peoples.  But things like people who have dated for just over a month...maybe two, saying that they love each other.  I know I "love" a lot of people around me.  But to say that I love is something completely diffrent.  I just don't see how people can know that they love the other person within that short amount of time.  Min for me to say something like that would probably be six months depending on how much I saw the person.  I know I can really like someone to the point of love but still I want to be sure before stuff gets out of hand.  I don't know maybe I just have relationship issues and don't know how to handle it.  But I take what I have learned in the past and apply it to what is going on now.  Like with the above situation with my ex.  I have learned from a relationship before this one that getting back together probably won't do anything to change stuff.  People remain the same and if you were unhappy in the first go around most likely you will be unhappy in the second go around....or third.  I know for somepeople it works, but I just don't see that happening and I'm happy with what I have developing now. 

Gah! my head hurts....-_-'  I need cafeine...or food... and sleep.  But the sleep thing is what I get for staying up til 3am talking about drama and other random stuff from the past with my roomy.  *sigh* I have homework I don't want to do, but I better do it. Other wise it won't get done.

I HATE DRAMA!!!

 so today was nice...kinda. i have a problem though. Tim seems to think he could tell me what to do or who i could talk to. He expects me to go and tell him everywhere i go and every thing that i do. Which i think is bullshit because im not even going out with him. When we broke up he asked if i wanted him to pay my phone bill..and i thought to myself ..."more money for me" so i said sure if you want to keep paying for it. So, i discovered that he gets my phone bill then asks me who i've been talking to and what numbers are on my phone bill. fucken bullshit! For example, i've been talking to this guy i've known for quite a while but never really talked to him until now. he's really awesome. Eli's his name. We went out today...just dinner and the park. i wouldn't think he was that type of guy because he looks all tough and straight forward. But today i met the soft side to him. he was very nice and i had such a good time that i kissed him. So, you know i got to my appt (where richie is staying) and i get a call from tim...he says "where were you? i just saw you get home and some guy dropped you off" so i was like "yeah, so? i do have a life you know?" then i said "what the hell are you doing stalking me?" (imagine what he would have done if he knew richie was in the appt) so he gets Eli's number that he has on my phone bill from last month and calls him and says a whole bunch of shit to him ...he tells him that we are still together. Then, Eli calls me and tells me this...he was very understanding and listened to me explain. He understood the situation and left it alone. but tim kept going at it and he continues to call...right this moment. i just dont think my love life is any of his business anymore and he should back off!

  On the bright side of things...Eli told me lots of nice things ...he said how beutiful, gorgeous and stunning i was...at that moment i was like wow! but then again it's typical coming out of a guys mouth when he's on a date. We are supposed to meet for lunch tomorrow but, forst thing in the morning i'm going to go to tim's place and get this stupid thing he has in his head all sorted out.

  As for richie...he has been staying with me and it's been great. he has a job and helps me with the payments but i really dont need it...he still insists. nothing has been going on between us although i know it going to sooner or later. he's like my rooomate now and he knows the i go out on dates and he's fine with that and doesn't flip out. We hang out just us sometimes or with our friends. Sometimes i wake up and find him laying there on my bed next to me. but i dont mind... i feel bad because he sleeps on the couch. When he wakes up before me he kisses me and gets up ...i dont open my eyes or say anything. i pretend i dont know.

it's been fun though. i haven't talked to Shawn in a few days but that's ok...he'll probably call in a couple of days....he always does.  

I will let you guys know what happens with tim and why he's doing this.

        just let me know what you think of this.

every single  year something fucks up my halloween last year me n nikki got in a huge fight n some rapist followed me around n this year kurt breaks up with me...& now hes telling me he didnt n im so confused..i will never b able to explain to u guys how much i fucking hate drama seirously thats why i try n ignore things when ppl talk to me about something stupid that try n cause drama yet some how ppl just want to try n make me mad n cause drama i mean seirously my god omg i hate ppl sometimes ok so tonight...

someone named timmy which is one of kurts friends called me n said well kurts breaking up with u n now kurts telling me he didnt say that ni he didnt even see timmy...yet than he told me they were trick*or*treating n im sooo confused yet i almost dont want to have to deal with it not almost i dont want to have to deal with it seriously its dumb n ihate it....n i dont want to have to listen to all these stupid ppl telling me kurt broke up with me n then him telling me he didnt break up with me because its starting to get old seriously in the past  3 days 3 ppl have told me kurt broke up with me.....its getting old...its just i like him so much but im sick of hearing ppl run up to me o do u kno kurt does that n this n that....n its like..idk i almost dont kno what to beilieve anymore..well im gonna go watch t.v. n stop complaining...

*Samm*

Yeah thats right. I absolutely dread it. I don't hate ECE, I just hate the people in it. My councelor told me I should start trying to talk to some of the girls in my class and attempt to make at least one friend in there so I'm not so lonely. Yeah, not going to happen. I'm VERY terrified of each and everyone one of those girls--more so the ones that hang out in the other room and start all the drama. Yes, that's going on still and today it got worse. Ms. Maakastad was in the room with the girls who start all the drama and was talking to them and stuff, than all of the sudden she came into the high school classroom and said in a raised voice "This drama has GOT to stop, you girls need to STOP talking about each other this is getting out of hand" or something a long those lines and this chick who always sits at my table named Shahera (shy for short) got all upset--not because the teacher was yelling at us, but because of ALL the shit that's been going on for the whole year. She's been holding all her frustrations in and today she just let it all out and got in Ms. Maakastad's face and started yelling at her and Ms Maakastad was yelling back and Kassandra was holding Shy back because she was afraid if she didn't Shy was going to hit her and everyone just stopped and watched and were all just in shock. Shy ended up being escorted out by security and for the rest of the time the whole room was quiet and there was a lot of uncomfortableness going on it was just scary. Yeah, and my counselor thinks i'm going to befriend these people? I don't think so.... um yeah, not happening. I'm afraid if I even tried to get close to any of them, and let them get to know me they are all going to be talking about me. Everyone thinks the blame should all be on the girls in the other room but they're wrong. There is not one single innocent girl in this class they ALL talk shit. I don't like going to class anymore, I don't like being there what so ever, I dread the very thought of it. I really love children, and I love that class (not the people) but the drama is just ruining it for me. I've been doing a very good job at not being sucked into it but I can't help but feel so self-concious you know? I don't like being in a place where I know there are probably people talking about me. I really don't.