I Dont Understand @ MindSay 
dont understand
I just had to do one on brothers after my convo Myclette. I really dont understand why brothers think the world owes them. For me I have 13 brothers and sisters, yes thirteen. Other than my little sister my brothers are lazy and refuse to do anything they dont want to. If my brothers are in the mood to do something they will do it but after an hour if they arent done with it they give up and leave what ever it was unfinished. I actually got one of them to fix my table and chairs well guess what happened next. He got bored with it and decited they were good Enough and that he was done a week later the only thing I had left was the table thank GOD he fix that one first. Not to good for those who fell out of those chairs or through them...lol. This brother in particular has had ONE job his hole life and it was for extra credit for school after a month he quit. His reasoning was I hate washing the dishes they keep making me do it. WOW I worked in a resturaunt for over 4 years and I understand WASHING DISHES. You got to do what you have to if you want to get anywhere. He just doesnt understand that for some reason or another. He even got with draw failer from school and was told that he could not step on school grounds ever again. He spends his days smoking and drinking or playing video games and if my mother or I dont give him money he goes and pons anything and everything he can no matter if they are mine or my mothers aslong as it isnt his he gets rid of it. I have lost rings, stereos, speakers, xboxs, and so much more. He is also very abusive to everyone. If he doesnt get his way he will lose it. He started by taking it out on my car when he was borrowing it. I would get it back with more dents dings or missing mirrors and the broken windows. I has also sent me to the hospital once or twice. I turned him in once and my mother told me that she would dis own me if I did it again. She is always on his side saying that I had to of started it one way or another. Another one of my brothers well he made it through high school and is doing his thing playing college ball but I am the one helping him get through it. I send him money every 3 to 6 days and he says he has a job over there. Everytime we talk I hear in the backround hey whos buying the drink. Or what we doing tonight or we have to celebrate. I dont want to be supporting his drinking and partying every week. I would be fine with helping him with his rent but I dont think it goes to it. If I dont do for him he cuses me out. He swears up and down that he will pay me back I really dout it. I have another brother who gets money hides it from everyone then when he wants to go somewhere and we just so happend to be going to town so we say as long as you have a place to stay ill take you. Well I get a place ot stay for the night and just as I lay my head down I get a phone ringing. Its my brother asking if he can get a ride home. Well I dont want to drive to pick him up on the otherside of town and i dont want to drive an hour to take him home. But if I dont do it my mother will drive in from home and then drive right back out. No wonder she has to move out of her house and try and find a new place by the first of the month. She has already had two strokes and two heart attacks im surpised that she has lasted this long.
I really want to help my brothers and my mother but I am starting to have health problems because if it. I have been having chest pains and headaches and I just cant shake the cold I have. My father is no help once he gets paid he pays his drug dealer for more drugs and I dont see him till he needs money or a ride. I really feel bad for the little ones that dont need to see any of this. I try my best to give them what they need but Im not their mother and they have the hardest time understanding why. I help them with homework get their clothes for them make sure they eat and wash. have them clean when need be. I take them to chuck E cheese and to the parks and so on. My mother is working so much and the only time she is home is when they are at school. Our credit is so bad that we cant get any loans and she just got out of bankrupt.
It hurts, it really does... i make sure to embed in his mind of how much i would do for him--for his dreams--and most of all, for his crew--the winged foxes, and yet he seems to cast me asside like.... trash... even after perposly showing him the letter/conversation i had between myself and Koon just to see if he would notis how much I would do... but it was over looked, as usual.
Here is what i posted to Koon that should have gotten his attention: (subject: what happened in the ugmf back then, and how i feel about it)
But you know what? Im glad it happened... becouse if it wasnt for them screwing up so bad, and kicking me from the guild... I wouldn't have really met Lepper36. I wouldn't have experienced what true family or love is without him or the other pirates... wasnt for the ugmf, Joey/Lepper36 wouldn't have asked me to marry him outside of gaia. As much as i used to hate the ugmf, it is why i forgave them so easily... for them leaving me behind has left me being found by one of the greatest people that I have ever known. Thensome, the greatest friends that anyone could ever gain... ones that i know i can trust that wont leave me behind like what the ugmf did, or sell me out... and they can trust me that i wouldn't do the same to them. So you see... koon... we fight togeather, and we stand by eachother, no matter what happens... that alone is why i forgive them. They granted me the chance to get something that no one could ever give me. Though, i dont know if you will fully understand it or not... i half dont expect you to... but, at least understand that were not doing anything for selfish needs in this war.
Isnt that proof enough? That i love the winged foxes? That i love Joey?
No... no its not.... no matter how hard i seem to try, it just dosnt work out... im always ignored, im always pushed asside... and somehow, I always find it in myself to forgive joey time and time again when he hurts me.
Sometimes all i want to do is just get off the computer, curl up in a corner, and just cry.... i hate my job at the winged foxes, being First Mate... im taken advantage of, everythings always on my sholders cos he cant do anything himself... i revived the guild... i built it from almost nothing.... I put everything i had into there... and thensome when Joey perposly set me up to become the guild captain several times--only to take it away as quickly as I was granted it? Then he has the nerve to ignore me after the shit i'v gone though for him and his "guild"?
I lied when i said i 'never read those past enteries anymore' to him... the YIM conversations of him questioning me. Saying how i backstabed him, how i wasnt trustworthy anymore, saying how much he counted on me only to have the guild 'taken out from under him'.... god it makes me sick... sick to remember that I was stupid enough to beleave that it was fine to take command at any given point for just a few moments... sick enough to make me want to puke all day in the bathroom and drown out my sarrows with pepsi, beleaving in my mind that the soda was spiked with poison just so... deep down... i'd be thinking to myself that "it will end soon, the pain will end soon." and i end up passing out on the floor from major loads of stress.
Im cracking... and I can feel it...
ya know....some people just really make me feel like im not a good friend
they dont understand how much time and effort i put into being there though.
i guess thats why i blew up at megan the other day....day after day, minute after minute i listened to her cry and was there for her when eddie broke up with her....and i was pretty much the only one....besides bunce who was there for her. but then when she says shit like "you dont understand"....that pisses me off....so i blew up at her. does anyone else feel like they would do the same? i guess i feel like after listenign to her for so damn long and then hearing that its like, dont tell me i dont understand when i dont car eif i understand or not its just the point that im listenign to you and im there for you. OBVIOUSLY no one can understand you since they are not you....but people have to understand that other people will try their everything to come close. and when those people come as close to understanding you as you....we dont need to be continued to be told we dont understand. back up for a second and think about how much someones been there for you....whether its being a friend and listenign or being a friend and trying to help you move on and think of other things....cuzz if you dont, then you may lose that person that you once felt was like a sister to you. dont take advantage of that person and then make them feel like shit just cuzz ur going through a hard time. im completely a hypocrit when i say that and i totally have come to realization of that but im telling myself and everyone else now that you will never ever find someone who understands....cuzz no one can understand you besides you, no matter what anyone says. but you can find someone who will devote their time and effort to get close to understand or to at least be a friend.....dont let them go....cuzz then they feel like shit that you dont want them anymore after all the time they spent to be a friend....and also you just missed out on the greatest person you will ever find in your life.
What is the point you are never going to meet them well at least the chances are 3000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 to 1 so i just have given up like why even pretend to like them when you know that they dont know you exsist. They lable you as a fan to them you have no identity no name just the label fan!!!!
I HAVE ANOTHER TOPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i sit and cry every night looking at the posters on my wall!! you know the tabloids claim that the stars are so called heart broken two days later they're with someonelse
they dont really understand what a person goes through i know they are people too and i respect them for that but they are stuck in our fantasy world they dont get while they are throghing away money by buying there two year olds cars people are suffering there money could be sent to somthing else than rolaxes!!!!!
Showing 1 - 5. [ Next ]
