I Cant Write @ MindSay

So today I was in the midst of a brief text message conversation and it occurred to me that women can't write their names in the snow.  I mean, I'm sure some have tried but I'm willing to bet "my cursive is going to be perfect" is the last thing that runs through their heads (or your heads, assuming more than one woman reads this) when they are shoveling the driveway and have to go (also assuming that women shovel the driveway).  This struck me as quite sad.  Not only do you have to put up with menstruation, makeup, and the need to wear matching clothes, but you don't get to make cute designs for everyone to ponder, or to simply state that "you were he . . . . "  (sorry, ran out).  Well I guess it's up to me then.  Because none of you ever have I will write your names for you.  Every time I pee in the snow I'm going to write a different female name, well, for as long as I remember too.  There will be a Veronica, a Candy, a Laverne . . . oh yes, all the greats, all the not-so greats, and likely some I make up.  But sorry ladies, the first of the season belongs to "Joe" (with as many squigly underlinings as I have the will to supply).  See that, I'm giving back.

 

Till next time.

 

P.S.  I realize it's spring, I guess seasons don't effect (affect?) my mind wandering.

About anything, Cal is taking everything the wrong way, he's just so confused right now about nothing!

I'm just pissed right now, let me cool off, I'll write later about something completely not pertaining to my home life ><

I don't feel like I write as well as I used to. Well, at first I thought that maybe I don't write because I have nothing to write about. Really, I have more to say than ever. About issues, that is. But truth be told, I'm afraid of change. I'm afraid to say something, then disagree with myself later. But I know that is inevitable and even healthy. Lately, though, I almost feel as though I don't have a right to an opinion, which is rediculous.

I've been writing in my handwritten journal again. I find my writting has geered to a more, ecentric, sort of poetry. And I'm self-centered. I need to step out of myself a bit. But why? So other people can understand me? I see things the way I see them, I use metaphors I understand, and I find that very, very few people also understand. That's okay, though, isn't it? Even asking that question is... I question myself a lot lately. On one hand I think, "I am just being open minded," but that is not the truth. The truth is, I'm afraid of being wrong. I want to know what is the truth, then I expose myself to so many ideas and see the validity in all of them, my brain gets contaminated to where I have no more sense of self. At first it was annoying, but now it's really aggrivating and sad and heartbreaking.

Maybe in time I will sift through them all and find where I stand. In the meantime, my instincts are telling me to write. Write about my thoughts. Write about how I view situations. But I also have this urge to write EVERYTHING. Where to start? What to say? How can I say something when I don't have a full picture yet? Where would it end? How to get it all down in some sort of logical manner. All of it. And there is a lot.

So I don't know. And I don't like not knowing.

well i have come to the point where i no longer need this thing. I dont have anything to write about, and the suff i do is either random stupid comments or jokes usually of an inside variety, or if something else, take far to much time to write, so i am out. it was fun. I might come back next year, but untill then i shall hopefully most of you in real life. j-town down.

i have nothing to write so im just going to keep rambling on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on until i can think of something to write. here i go. im about to start. ok. ok. erm. hmmm. let me see. erm.