Hurricane Season @ MindSay

"Florida Hurricane Advice" 

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological hints:

(1) There is no need to panic.

(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness
plan:

STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Illinois and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately,statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay in Florida.

We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:

If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and

(2) It is located in Illinois.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay you money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.

EVACUATION ROUTE:

If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:

If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now. Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of Spam.

In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:

• 23 flashlights;
• at least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
• Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. Nobody knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so get some!)
• A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
• A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
• A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through a hurricane; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)
• $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck, and remember: its great living in paradise!

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Found this sitting in a seldom used mailbox ... for all our neighbors in Florida ... et.al.   Maybe it's in bad taste, not sure.  I just thought it was funny! 

~ B

I write in a state of sadness today. As most know, Hurricane Katrina has just ravaged New Orleans. I won't go technial because...I just won't.

I live in Eunice, Louisisana. When Hurricane Katrina hit Florida...I barely batted an eyelash. It was just another storm. Saturday, I powered up my computer and the incessant beeping of my desktop Weatherbug immediately caught my attention. I clicked on it and read the alert message on Storm Central...Hurricane Katrina (a category 3 at the time) heads for Louisiana. Watching the forecast track, I noticed my area was highlighted, so I immediately came to attention. This was no longer just another storm...

All day, I heard news stations claiming (with a certain amount of glee) that this was the BIG ONE, the one the people of Louisiana have been waiting for since Camillie in 1969. An immediate mandatory evacuation was unleashed  and New Orleans and the surrounding areas declared by Predident Bush as a Disaster area....more than a day before landfall. I stalked the news for a while...not much. The thought of calling my sister, who just moved in with our grandparents over the summer, flashed through my mind and quickly dismissed. More than likely, they had evacuated. When I went to sleep that night, Katrina had just strenghthened to a Category 4 storm.

I woke up the next day, slightly comfortable that Katrina was on a track well away from Eunice. Again, I powered up my computer, clicked on the Weatherbug, and the first thing I saw stopped me dead "Hurricane Katrina now a MONSTER Category 5". At this, I turned on the news, and what I saw confirmed my worst fears: New Orleans was in trouble.

It was at this time, I picked the phone to call my sister, confident that they had already made plans for evacuation. They hadn't. And this was the theme for the rest of the day. A few times, my aunt and I pondered the thought of driving down there and getting my sister and my cousin. It was my grandparents who were too stubborn to leave, who didn't want to bother with the news, who would just "ride out" the storm. My aunt, who lived further into the city in an apartment building had the same idea. From what I gather, she had the means of transportation but didn't want to deal with the traffic. As for my uncle...I had no idea where he was.

I made it a point to call frequently, giving them phone numbers to call, even ordering that my grandmother call 911 when it had gotten to late. It was my wish that my urgency would get through. But I see now that it did not. My sister told me she was packing, and I felt a rush of hope at this, only to be disappointed when I hear she just did not want to get her stuff wet.

As I learned I had no school the next day, the news reported a slight weakening, a drop from category 5 to 4, but of course this made no difference. Hurricane Betsy was just a category 3.

I went to sleep last night defeated, angry, hurt, sad, a plethora of emotions. My dreams were riddled with images of hurricanes, my own bout with Hurricane lily three years ago, a significantly weaker force than Katrina. My anger focused mostly in on my grandma but also on the newscasters and there somewhat obvious disappointment that Katrina would not make landfall as a 5, that it was weakening, that it just might not wreak the devastation they had forcast, that they might just not be witnessing a piece of history. But of course they were. Katrina proved a force to be reckoned with.

My resltess sleep continued until I popped awake in the afternoon with one thing on my mind: call my sister. Of course this was impossible, considering the massiva power outage and downed phone lines. I searched all news channels hoping to catch a glimpse of what the city was like. Is  it under water? And yes, parts of it is. I braced myself when hearing of neighborhoods flooded to the rooftops, people sitting on their roofs to be rescued. I know this is not the time to curse them for such foolishness. What's done is done, and all I can feel now is compassion and agony. It is now five minutes to five. Katrina has moved inland, continuing its destructive path.

I hear the reports: Parts of this parish are underwater, Areas south of Lake Ponchartrain whitecapped. But I'm clueless on which side of New Orleans Avondale, La is located. It's so small, that it deosn't even warrant a dot on the map. The death toll unknown, I have no idea what has happened to my family, and I will not know for a while. But I guess all I can do now is wait...and hope.