Honor @ MindSay

So, I just got the check from the final client that my previous roommate brokered..and after the last experience when she ACTUALLY had the check written to her, I'm glad that there are no more invoices that she was involved with.

     That means with this deposit, I'm now only $346..but all the bills are paid ..with me paying her half of the entirety.

I have the canceled checks and service charges to prove it

Recently a member of The Family and I discussed a difficult decison facing one dear to both of us.  I was asked my opinion .  After lenghty consideration, I thot I'd post a portion of my response here, as it re-states much of my philosophy regarding occurences of this type.

 

"I've considered them (her options) from various angles all colored by my own life expiriences and those of other women, men and children I've met thru out my life (experiences by proxy if you will).  I've  come up with mryiad  combinations of motivation, gain, publicity, CYA (cover your ass), escape scenario (both real, wished, fantasy upto past life and future ones), down to pure selfish entertainment or a real cry for help.  I've seen it from the perspective of a woman who cannot conceive yet treasures the daughters of her heart.  From the perspective of a battered and abused woman who is terrified of any real, committed relationship because part of her won't ever let herself become that dependent on any human being because she can't take the chance she will ever be hurt like that again. 

 

I've looked at it from the perspective that the goals and plans that you've wanted all your life are destined to be changed irrevocably ... that one choice will doom forever any chance they could happen, you lost your one shot.  On the otherside there is the knowledge that by virtue of that same decision infinate other possibilities open up with each of them offering different choices, joys and sorrows of their own.  That for something to be begun, new paths, new life -- often requires the death and clearing away so that new beginnings have room to grow and that metamorhapsis may take many forms...from scortch and burn to planning,patience, skill and execution worthy of a Machivelli.  All creatures grow, evolve, change and mutate, decay and ultimately die.  Out of death and chaos arises life and creation.  Out of adversity comes invention.  Otherwise inaction (a choice in itself) gives rise to stagnation, victimization, martyrdom, depression, rigidity, paranoia, rage, insanity, oblivion.

 

I've thot a lot of what personally I would do in her situation, which choice I would make.  Ultimately it came down to the following points.

 

1.  If she is a valued dear friend, a woman whom I regard highly, whom I respect and trust -- what is known in The Family as "A Woman of Honor", if I consider her to be all this --  then I have no choice but to accept and support her in what ever her decision may be.

 

2.  Just because I do #1 above does in no way or manner mean that I personally agree with the choice she made.  It may be the opposite of the choice I think I would have made in her place.  I may think it a poor and hazardous, stupid or foolhearty one, I might be jealous of her courage, or freedom...but again...it is HER decision not mine.

 

3.  I know and I'm sure that she does, that her decison will mean changes which might not be ultimately be beneficial, but that in the final analysis it is she herself who will live with the results -- now, tomorrow and for the rest of her life. 

 

4.  She knows that those dear to her will be affected (whether it be for good or bad) by her decison and that her actions may cause them pain or joy.  She may lose friends, family, even lovers...but that will be their own decision and their loss, or that she may gain valuable and treasured new ones.

 

5.  Regardless of the outcome .... I offer my advice (solicted or not), my shoulder, my home, my ear, my tears and laughter, my support, my belief, my counsel, my friendship , my respect, trust and loyalty.

 

6.  She is a reasonably, highly intelligent, passionate, self directed, aware woman of great complexity.  I am confident that she, the woman whose choice this is...knows the issue far more intimately than I ever could.  I don't live under her skin.  She does. Therefore I must trust that she, not me, knows what is best for her.

 

Knowing all of the above, how can I, as a friend, treat her any less than I demand other's treat me?  What would that say about me?"

 

We all have the tendency to want to say or think that ...:all they have to do is this.....and all their problems would be solved."  I've been guilty of offering advice myself, often with varying results.  Sometimes it was listened to and appreciated.  Othertimes it was not.  In this situation my own decision is to keep my mouth shut until and if, I am asked by the one which is affected most.

In a glimse of your future you think of your past. Memories have gone gray, though you thought the colors would last. Not knowing what the next day would bring was a challange to be taken on with such passion. Now things have slowed and you wonder what happened. You remember all the love and all the pain but none of them matter. There is only one that haunts you. Only one that you think of. One regret in a life of 30 years. Never knowing if the thoughts are returned. Trying to move forward but knowing of the emptyness that awaits. Happy for Happy but sad for now as I wait. Not trying to rhyme or even relate. Just trying to talk and set some things strait.