Homophobe @ MindSay

WTF?  This douchebag thinks he's funny...



Epic FAIL!

Appols for spelling etc. I didnt have time to Spellcheck - Also apologies if it doesn't make sense - I've been attempting to write this for over and hour and didnt skim-read it.
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Ok, so three weeks have passed.
Three mighty fine weeks at those, but today everything just seemed to go wrong.

Everything I have ever done wrong just hit me right in the face, minute after minute.

Talk about one depressing day, one day you edge on suicidal as never before - this is seriously it. And I've NEVER had to say that before.

Every regret or guilt, or fear, or lie, or bad experience just went BAM! and hit me in the face. BAM!

I seriously don't know what brought it on, I'm sure. ALL WEEK I was fine, despite several negatives I was SMILEY and fine.
But then I woke up today and I was regretting writing the 'Homosexuality aint Everything' blog - Even though I never have before.
Then after that I regretted the way I treated some people at school. - VERY unlike me.
After that I regretted stealing a few things in the past. - Had completely forgotten tbh.

There's many more that just hit me, but I can't type them here. Someone knows them all, but they aren't necessary here. Seriously. If I could be born again, I would. I SHOULD NOT have regrets, I'm 16 ffs, but they're swallowing me right now.

Anyways.
I've realised all the negative traits I have and WOW the list is endless.
I realised how easily I get:
Jealous, Over-Protective, Single-Minded, Envious, Guilty, Angry, Confused.
VERY Easily.
And lately it's happened more than ever - over things I really shouldn't be feeling those things ^ and so I suck.

I think it's affecting my friends too, I'm kinda rubbing off on them and I fear they will turn against me if I can't or won't change. I CANNOT let that happen. If it did, well I dont know, but it can't. I've gotta stop being all those ^ things and just be 'Jordan' which means a whole lotta work.

It also doesn't happen that I've had rumours go around about me in both the Virtual world and the real one.
Also, friends are saying things to other friends to influence them in particular decisions or their feelings about me, and that hurts. Really it does.
I feel like kinda saying 'If you have a problem with me say it to me' - I just want people to be open?

Yes. I cry. Im HUMAN, kkay? - I don't do it often, but I do. Unfortunately, most men will deny that they do. It aint 'manly' - I never believed in that shit. I've been so emotionally unstable lately. VERY Much, like the smallest things will start me, and I feel so weak, so weak and 'on edge.' - Things take over my brain and wont leave until they've marked it.

And so.
I feel like shit. Or I did, but I'm slowly getting there.
If ever you have had a regret - SHOVE IT right to the back of your head and hopefully they will never come and haunt you again. Either that, or live your life WITHOUT any regrets, I shoulda done.

Now. Time to drink some Pepsi. I'm secretly banned from any fizzy drinks - which is why you will never have seen me with any and with water all the time buttttt, Pepsi is enough to drive me insane, seriously. Anyone with Dyspraxia is advised to stay away from fizzy drinks bc they van be damaging but it helps me so much in forgetting everything. Kinda like taking drugs does for some people, or drinking for others - Pepsi in it's lil can does that fine for me . Soooo *cheers* to the can of Pepsi.

Now I feel better for dowsing you all with my woes. Not seriously but I'll be ooooook


Jordanx.