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New York I Love You...
...leaving you brings me down.


I had suchagoodfuckingweek down in 'civilization'.  I absolutely love my friends.  I have lucked out in that department.  I guess this counts as bragging.  Tough Tit.

I am beyond exhausted right now and want to get my laundry done and folded tonight (ambitious, aren't I?), but hopefully I will 'update' this entry later with specifics about why I am such a blessed individual.

she walked into the shop
and the windows broke,
the coffee crashing down
as this angel spoke.

I might've survived if it weren't for her eyes
that were eating mine up
she wanted a job so I brought her the forms
with my eyes held shut.

Was this love?
I wondered cause I'd never been
so absolutely jello-ed by a girl.

Was this love?
What other reason could there be
when such a little thing could break a world?

Was this love?
I knew that if she didn't get this job
then I would never know

Was this love?
so I told the boss that I would train her thoroughly from head to toe.

On that day
in my heart
a castle rose
a mansion fell apart

Love with us was such a waking up
warm and foggy as a coffee mug
a burning thing
full of steam
learning us

[I walked into the shop
expecting nothing but no's
rubbed my bleary eyes
last night still on my clothes

Then I stopped in the door ‘cause I'd seen him before
my tongue suddenly thick
but I needed a job so he brought me the forms
like a conjuring trick.

Was this love?
This deja vu was turned into a pinball
ringing in my tilted head.

Was this love?
I couldn't understand how he had jumped offstage and landed here instead,

Was this love?
so I case the place for inspiration on the walls
and then my coffee cup

Was this love?
as I tried to think of clever things to say
to make him look back up.

On that day
in my head
movies played
of things he said,
constantly rewinding,
nothing there to remind me
that I don't believe in love]

Love with us was such a waking up
warm and foggy as a coffee mug
strong at first
best served fresh
at it's worst

Home alone freedom, Random Urges, and Pole Dancing
So I am home alone for 3 weeks. Mom's away visiting her old friend who used to live here, but had to move away because of her husband. It had been a few years that they saw each other, and they were friends since they were four years old, so I'm happy for her, and I can't say I don't like having the house all to myself, hehe.

I can go out and get a drink without worry of waking her up, and even go for really late night walks without her freaking out about where in the world I'm going at 3 in the morning! : P

Sometimes I get random urges to do things, like the other night I just had to run. I wanted to run and run until I just collapsed... so I went down my street a bit, but then saw bushes moved so I only ran back to my house. Could have been an animal or a person, either way I did not want to find out, being all I had to defend myself was a little pocket knife. Still fun though.

The boyfriend's going away for a few days with his family on a kayak trip. I wonder what it's like to have a family vacation. I've never been on one, never with both mom and dad, and rarely even with just one of them, on anything you could call a vacation. It seems they're quite well off. His house is beautiful! I hope if he ever gets to visit me here, that my house will be comfortable. It definately isn't as large, and it's not as nice looking. I'd try to keep it cleaner if he were here, though. Their house was always clean. Mom and I kinda slack off.

I guess this entry's more of a in-place-of-journal and might not be too interesting to anyone. I just finished the last page of my journal and I have no more to write in. I also need paper towel, maple syrup, and cheese. But anyways! Haha.

I'm thinking of pole dancing to make money. I always thought it would be fun, because I like dancing, and poles. XP

And I talked to the boyfriend about it (I don't think I mentioned his name yet, but it's Jayden) and he said he's fine with it, because the money will be going towards us visiting each other. I thought he might say no indefinately, but I guess he sees the reason in it, and I think it's a small price to pay (to dance and be looked at), in order to see him again.

I think it'd be different if it were touching, which I know he wouldn't agree with at all, which I would not even consider to begin with.

I mean, he said it's not the best job he'd like me to have, but if it means we get to visit each other more often, he'll accept it.

I plan on taking pole classes this summer, and by May when I'm out of university, I will be 19 so I can hope to audition at some places. We'll see how it all goes.

I've also become nocturnal... I go to bed at 5:30 and wake up around 17h30...

There's so much I want to do this summer, but at the same time I'd like to bask in having absolutely nothing to do, for it's been 3 years since I could say that. Every summer there's always been homework to get ahead on or catch up on or work on...

Even in the summer before grade 10. I think the last summer I had free was grade 8, which was a really crappy summer in terms of.. not having any friends and trouble with the friends I did have. But I guess it wasn't too bad... I did make out with a lot of guys. Take that as a good or bad thing I guess, but I was depressed so I kinda let it happen.

Alright, I rambled on enough. I'm so behind in my reading! Gah... Which upsets me but also makes me kinda happy because friends have actually been inviting me to things. :3 Mainly my friend Bobby who I went to a few concerts with and went to prom with as friends. He's a really nice guy and we always have fun together and he seems to be the only one who invites me to things. So yea.

I say I've rambled enough and I continue on! Well, I don't wanna go to bed! neh!

Waking up early in case Jayden's on before he leaves. He said he'll try to remember. I won't blame him if he doesn't because it might be hectic in the morning and he might not have the time. I'll still be up just in case. : )

ok, goodnight!


Keep a calendar this way you will always know.
Even with as much fun I am having here, I cannot wait to get back home.

I obviously miss my mom, but I also miss my cats, my dog, and my fucking pizzeria.

The End of a Teaching Era
There's this mass facebook/email circulating from Miss Taxier (well, she's not 'Taxier' anymore...yay! Tax got married!!!!) with the subject:  Mr. K is Retiring.

I just broke down crying.
I know I'm easy, but COME ON.

That's how much this man meant/means to me.  When I think back to 'favorite teachers', Mr. K cracks the top 5 every time.  I remember being SO anxious that I wouldn't get to have him for 8th grade Social Studies.  This was EVERYONE'S biggest fear; you hear rumors about teachers, and all of K's were AMAZING.  I don't know a student in his 30 or 35 (or longer) career who didn't love and worship this man, and look forward to his class.

Mr. Kemnitzer is the epitome of what teaching SHOULD be.  He is caring and patient and thoughtful and passionate and really makes history come alive.  Is that cliche?  Whatever, he truly did. 

It was making Stacey cover half her face with a piece of paper to re-enact the picture of her in the paper.

It was making us watch scenes in the movie 'Glory' that STILL make me bawl when I see them.

It was reading Uncle Tom's Cabin so passionately that he lost himself and actually kicked over a desk to show his frustration with the situation.

It was the loud, jolly laugh, and the accompanying smile.

It was writing our own radio skits and performing them, and then listening to them like we actually WERE in the 1920s.

It was the way he praised that stupid poem I wrote about the Civil War and wouldn't take my shrugging or shying away as an answer.  I lost the only copy of that poem I had, and I regret that so much because it reminds me of Mr. K.

I don't have many fond memories of middle school, but Mr. K is definitely one of them.

When I teach my class Social Studies, I want to emulate him.   I try to make it as interesting and creative as he always did.  Even just taking NOTES was enjoyable. Honestly, one of the hugest compliments I could ever get during the span of my teaching career would be one of my fellow Mr. K graduates to observe me teaching a lesson and go, "wow, that was totally something K would do". There aren't words in the English language (and probably not in other languages either) that can encapsulate how high the bar is with Mr. K, and how bad I feel for all the future WHMS students who will never have the pleasure of Mr. Thomas Kemnitzer molding them for a year.  I am truly amongst the fortunate.

Tax wants us to write letters that she's going to compile to give him in June.  To tell him how he inspired us and helped us and how much we love and will miss him.

I don't even know where to start.

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