Holding Back @ MindSay

I wanted to say hi to everyone.

I hope joy gets rid of her viruses and gets back on line, don't tell her but i miss her blogs.

i was blogging to let everyone know about Saturday night .... like everyone has been holding their breath ....LOL

sex with betty was fun and interesting, that girl is always wanting to try a new way or dome kinky twist (yea i love her for it). Then i get home and damn if hubby wasn't feeling frisky. I am getting too old for this. I think he got tongue cramps from trying to ... well not in an open blog. so i slept extra good saturday night.

hubby and i did some more rearranging and cleaning sunday.

 

i don't know where the suggested tags come from but i decided i would start clicking all of them for now on ... LOL

 

i hope everyone had a decent weekend. any good sex???

hugs to patchesmom and to becky :)

 

oh btw, GUN don't take things so personal :)

bi bi for now

"How can the world go back to the way it was, when so much bad has happend?"

 

From TT:

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

I can still smell him, his air lingers around my room, the scent punches me as I breathe in. Just an hour before I had put the do not disturb hanger on my door and closed the blinds, not anticipating what was to actually happen. Something pulled me back as I lay there. Maybe it was what Samantha had told me the night before or maybe it was the alarms sounding in my head. Whatever it was, I got up and found my shirt, and announced that I couldn’t do it. All afternoon I had been quiet, holding my tongue as my heart screamed, but there in that moment I knew I had to speak. I had always accused him of holding things back from me and now I was the one who simply said ‘nothing’, when asked what I was thinking. I sat there on the edge of the bed trying so hard to release all the words I had milling about in my head. He suggested I type out my thoughts so I wouldn’t have to say them. So I found a fairly recent document that I had made that I had been meaning to send him, but never had the nerve to. He read it and responded. There we set in silence of verbal words, taking turns typing out our hearts. The conclusion was made that friendship was the answer. The right answer. The answer that we’ve needed since we broke up, but still saw each other. I feel relieved and strangely at ease however, there is a part of me that bleeds for a more merciful resignation. A chapter has ended in my life, exactly 4 months since we first broke up and a day before my birthday. I suppose it’s fitting.

someone once said that you should wake up every morning like you ment to. I'm stuck in a rut. I am blessed beyond reson but still I'm in a rut. Once you get so far down, you almost forget that there is ground above and stop trying to reach the ledge. Determination is somthing I have always possessed. If I wanted it, it was going to be mine.usually sooner than later. But I've hit a wall. I know what I want. I can't see the finish line but I know exactly where it is and I know exactly how to get there but my appathy drags me down. Is it the constant thoughts of past mistakes that keeps me in my seat? I've apologized. I've changed. I've been forgiven. So what? What is this weight that is holding me down. Stopping me from bolting from my chair and running towards the end goal. Pulling me back everytime I make a weak attempt. Fear? Anger?

 

Psalm 6:2-4 

 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
       O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

 My soul is in anguish.
       How long, O LORD, how long?

 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
       save me because of your unfailing love

Howdy Howdy all!

 

Okay I know you have been biting your fingernails and holding your breath waiting for pictures of Natural Bridge Caverns! Well I am here to oblige. I had so much fun in these caverns that I am just gonna post photos with as little commentary as possible......

This is where the jawbone of a black bear was found:

I thought this was pretty neat and so very pretty

OOOhhhh panoramic

Who's hungry?

Nice!

 

I had to stop a million times to rest on the way back up...check out the depth. There was so little oxygen at this depth that as soon as we got down there we had to turn around immediately and head back up....We were informed that on an earlier tour that someone had to be carried out by four men. hmmm maybe I should have tried that!

 

This walking stick insect was waiting for us when we made it back to the top! Isnt it cool!?

Well that's all for now, how about some poetry...here goes...

 

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream? --Edgar Allan Poe

 

Goddess Bless