Hold Me @ MindSay

Update! Firelight's photos are amazing! Just really wonderful photography.

 

 Howdy Howdy all!

 

Okay, I will be the first to admit that I have been in what I believe was love. I will admit that just because I loved someone didnt mean that I would not hurt them, not intentionally mind you but I hurt them still. And hell who's to say that acting on that knee-jerk thing rather than taking a deep breath and thinking, thinking, thinking first isnt indeed intentionally hurting someone, even someone you love?

 

What about those times when you want to...I dont know....behave and do but the rug still gets pulled out from under you?

What keeps you from chunking the deuce and renouncing the whole setup?

What keeps you from just saying "I'm gonna get mine whether you get yours or not?"

Is it karma? Are we just performing so that we won't muck things up for our souls when the next stage(if you believe there is a next stage that is) comes?

If you go buck wild will that land you in a place akin to Purgatory or something? If so, do you care enough to live as if this Purgatory-like dive exists in the nethers?

 

Okay, you got me. I do try to behave so as not to pollute the universe with my psychic filth or junk energy as it were. I do believe that you get what you give as many religions teach. And so I reign in my baser emotions and motivations in an effort to keep my cosmic space as blemish free as possible. Where was I? Oh yes Love....

 

What makes me think I was indeed in love? I mean I have heard of

Parental Love-even when you mess up big time the best parents don't let you get off scott free but they dont write you off either..

Sibling Love-sure you think your brother or sis is full of beans but if someone else tries to stir their pot the gloves come off...

Friendship Love--You friends become family through shared experiences and when something pops off you can crash on their couch or munch vittles from their fridge with little or no yakety yak!

Societal Love--Your general concern for humankind (if you aren't a jerk or --insert vampiric political party of choice here--) You see someone in need of a buck, or a hug or even more a group in need of a check and you out of actual concern break them off a piece of your American dream Actualized.

LOVERS--this is the one.

Husbands and Wives (if they are lucky) are not just spouses but Lovers on some level.

Couples (ALL couples in love) should have this thing between them that ignites some spark (even after the relationship has passed the springtime stage and moved into winter).

I have felt that between me and another on occassion and I have wrapped myself around that feeling and let it burn me, burn me, burn me. I loved that feeling of familiarity couple with some small new-ness.

What happens if you loose that? Or if you never really have but press on into relationship territory? What then? Can it be cultivated...that spark?

I have heard that folks grow to genuinely and wholely love one another in the abscence of that spark.

I dont know if I believe it though. I mean if you have a general feeling of friendship with someone and they are really very good for you otherwise (you know-they encourage your creativity, make you feel good about who you are, and basically tell you what you know but need to hear periodically), then can that or rather should that be enough. Should you be greedy? Is that Greed? 

They just don't set you off or give you that tingle--that quickening in the breast that you know is necessary for a real and true fit.

I don't know...maybe the holiday season is working me over and causing all this blah blah blah....

 

To Be Continued...

Poetry to the rescue.....

 

A Lady

You are beautiful and faded
Like an old opera tune
Played upon a harpsichord;
Or like the sun-flooded silks
Of an eighteenth-century boudoir. 
In your eyes
Smoulder the fallen roses of out-lived minutes,
And the perfume of your soul
Is vague and suffusing,
With the pungence of sealed spice-jars.
Your half-tones delight me,
And I grow mad with gazing
At your blent colours.

My vigour is a new-minted penny,
Which I cast at your feet.
Gather it up from the dust,
That its sparkle may amuse you. --Amy Lowell

 

Goddess Bless

 

There's another world inside of me that you may never see. There  are secrets in this life That I can't hide. Somewhere in this darkness theres a light that I can't find, maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind....maybe I just blind...

 

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

And love me when I'm gone

Everything I am and everything you need

Also been the one you wanted me to be

I'll never let you down even if I could

I'll give up everything if only for your good

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm Scared

You won't always be there

So love me when I'm gone......Love me when I'm gone...

 

With your education x-ray you will see under my skin. I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends. Now roamin' through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone, Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone...

 

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm Wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

And Love me when I'm gone

Everything I am and Everything you need

Also been the one you wanted me to be

I'll never let you down even if I could

I'd give up everything if only for your good

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm Scared

You won't always be there

So love me when I'm gone.........................................................Love me when I'm gone

 

....maybe I'm just blind....

 

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

And Love me when I'm gone

Eerything I am and everything you need

Also been the one you wanted me to be

I'll never let you down even if I could

I'd give up everything if only for your good

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

You won't always be there

So love me when I'm gone....love me when I'm gone

whoa-oh-oh-oh...love me when I'm gone...when I'm gone... when I'm gone.....when I'm gone......................

Been working on another sketch but I may upload it later when I finish it a little more.  I want this drawing to express alot of emotion but I hope to capture it.  Heres hoping.

Today was fun.  We went to Madison for my Post-op doctors appointment and just barely got there on time.  I always cut it close.  *wipes brow*  We really didnt have to wait long before my name was called and we followed the overly-skinny nurse to the room.  She took my blood pressure then left the room and within a few minutes the surgeon showed up... looked at my breast... took off some tape on it...gave me gauze for bleeding and then said "Looks good" and promptly left.   Yeah it was that rushed.  I didnt mind because honestly I didnt want to be there long. :P

We had some time so iverness63  took me to some bike shops downtown.  It was soo neato!!!  Some of the bikes were amazing and how I wished I had my camera on me.  There were all types and ages of bicycles and one especially wanted to come home with us. ;)  There were even bikes that were german made during the time of the Nazis.  I couldnt help trying to picture the people who owned them.  I, being a simpleton,  was drawn to almost every bright orange bike there were in each building.  I couldnt help it..... 

We didnt have too much time considering we had to go get Savannah-butt from school.  You know Im pretty oblivious at times to notice people looking at me.  Iverness63 told me some guy was looking at me and even stumbled on the sidewalk when doing so.  I was flattered but suprised. haha.

Well I dont want to babble any longer because I want to get this drawing done and colored....erm at least inked completely.