Holar Back Girl @ MindSay 
girl friend
I still remember this girl, from my past.
I actually met her boyfriend first, I had a Chevy Chevette, and I was pretty handy and I tinted the windows of my car myself, he also had a Chevette and asked me to tint his window, and I did. He introduced me to his girl friend. She was young, 16 but they already had a child together. I wasn't much older, just got my drivers drivers licence, just 18 years old.
Long story short, he beat the crap out of her, in front of me so I helped her get him charged, I was an eye witness for her.
Her and I started spending all our time together. Her boyfriends parents had basically kidnapped her baby, and no one knew where they were, but she actually seemed happy about that, saying she can live like a normal 16 year old again.
We spent a lot of time together, almost inseparable. I thought she was my girl, and I was here man.
BUT, people started telling me things, things I just did not want to believe. They told me she was sleeping with a lot of different people, and NOW, I can tell you I seen a lot of proof, but back then, I just did not want to believe it. I remember going to visit her once, and she answered the door topless, and there were other guys in there, a few, and she kicked them out, and I was naive and gullible, I believed her when she said she was just changing quick and ran to the door because she knew it was me.
I was hanging around with her for a long time, about two years so it got to the point when I would visit her, I wouldn't knock, she always just told me to come in, so I did. So then it happened, I went over to see her, and their bathroom was right to the right of the entrance, and I walk in, turn to my right, and there she was, on her knees, in front of some guy I knew, HER ex boyfriend's BEST friend.
What was worse, she was so turned on, even when I asked in shock what was going on, she didn't want to stop. I did grab him threw him out, but she went after him, pulled him back in, she was still wanting to go with him, not worrying about the fact I caught her, she did not care, she just wanted to get laid basicly.
SO, I was crushed, my mind was spinning for weeks, I just couldn't wrap my little brain around all this, she still wanted to hang out with me the next day, like nothing happened..I did but I just couldn't see her the same anymore. I acted to her like everything was still back to normal, but inside I was pretty devastated. I never let it show, and in the end, she went back to her ex boyfriend, the one that beat her...making my mind spin even more, why oh why would someone go back to an abusive person?
ANYWAY, the whole point of this is, I feel that way again, my mind started spinning a couple weeks ago and it still is, I can't hardly sleep, I can't think straight, I am not sure what it is exacly, but I think I am losing faith in all humanity, the way I lost faith in her.
People are so selfish, I mean REALLY cold hearted and selfish, and no one seems to really love anyone, people who do love are willing to put up with abuse to just not be alone, its a fucking sad, sad world we live in.
Guess you just have to live for yourself too if you want to be happy. Just do what it takes to make yourself happy and who cares about anyone else? I have no idea, but my mind is having trouble wrapping itself around reality again.
So yesterday I go to a friends house and she just so happend to have a couple of other people popping up every 10 to 15 mins. Her sister and her sisters friend showed up and they were drunk as fuck and high to. So there we are in a house filled with people of all ages and I hear a kock at the door. They have a camera on teh porch so you can see whos outside but it was to dark to see who was out there or if anyone was out there. I could make out a baseball cap so I opened the door and this guy is standing there and he says oh sorry I must have the wrong house. I say no I dont live here who are you looking for. He says hes looking for a Jack, thats when my friends sisters friend came out the back room and I asked if she knew who Jack was. The next thing I know she is coming inside after talking to him and some other guy that just popped up out of thin air. She says hey they are going to go buy us some drank what do you want. Shit I just stood there and said I dont need anything get what ever you want. Well let me tell you one thing though the girl is 15 yrs old and the guys that were at the door were 21 and 38. So my friend and I and another girl said ok we are going to get some chaser,for the drank that I had bought a week ago and hadnt been able to finish because they had so much when I got there the last time, we got in my truck and took off and what do you know we see the two guys WALKING to the liqour store and we cant help but laugh our asses off. we get our 99 cent drinks and head back. As we are leaving we see these fools running across the street they were trying to get a ride back. Yeah RIGHT like ima bout to let some guys I dont like or know in my truck dont think so. So after they come back my friends brother showed up with some more people. We all drank and hung out till the girl who answered the door when I left got fucked up. Let my tell you though this girl said to us after the guys left that she was going to drink their shit but they aint getting anythan in return. Yeah about 3am she is so fucked up drunk that she couldnt stand straight. I was sitting on the couch and I over heard the 21 yr old say your hot you wanna go fuck. her reply hell yeah. So they get up and leave ofcourse no one sees this and are later asking where she is. I tell them the truth that she left with that guy and they all start laughing.
Well during this hole "party" I was getting lifted with my friends brother I dont know what he was thinking because I started to pass out and here he comes with his clipped on lighter and started swinging it at me. I grabbed it and told him to stop he just kept playing with me. I finally got up and started walking around and he comes up to me and swatts me again. This time I get in his face and try grabbing it from him the then trys to move in and kiss me. I look up at him and he trys again. I just walked over to the couch and stood behind it. He comes up and started rubbing against me. Thats when I decited to sit down again and go to sleep. I sat on the couch and he comes and sits down next to me. Starts rubbing my leg trying to get in closer. Im not trying to have that first off hes 19 im 22 he likes my little sister and tells me this all the time and he cant stop talking about how his new girl dont excite him and that he wants to leave her. Yeah well his sister finally showed up from the other room and he got up and moved to the other couch. After she left the room again he starts talking to me we have a hole hour convo about how he got this girl prego and how he wants her to get rid of it even though he dont believe in abortion cause he wants to brake up with her and go back to his ex. Very NOT exciting convo. My friend started texting me from the other room telling me she needs some advise about her boyfriend and her crush,who just so happend to be there last night., on what she should do and who she should be with. It was a boring night at that point and I had to just lay down.
The 15 yr old was finally dragged back to the house after an hour and half. All she said was I GOT LAID and she was very loud about letting everyone know. She tells me to sit up so she can sit down. She then tells me that she just lost her virginity. I said what did you just say damn girl with him of all people shit. She laughed and said im a big girl so it didnt hurt as much as people say it does. I am still alittle sore though. (a little mental note the guy she fucked ,21, paid one of the other guys 10 dollars for the condom he just used on her) I couldnt believe that she would even do that. What is it with the kids theses days they are either prego or have caught something from another partener. And they seem to share their guys,girls, like nothing. I dont remember all that shit when I was going up. What drives a person to want to do that to themselves? I understand that they dont want to be a virgin for life and everything but could you at least know the guy for a few months or years before you let him take you. They knew eachother for about 4 hours when they did it. I guess im just olod fashioned or something.
Other than harassing innocent children, we enjoyed our night by spending almost an hour at the Hollywood video trying to decide what movie to rent (we ended up with Pulse and The Thing), chatting with the coolest video connoisseur around--other than Brian, of course. We watched The Thing last night, and I got startled.
Then I had a weird dream about living in my mom's house with Shane, but she was gone, and only her husband Scott and her son Henry were there, although Scott was never around while I was. I kept thinking I needed to get a new job, and Shane and I needed to move out on our own. It was really strange. And then my mom came back, and Scott had just walked into my room naked, and I went to go tell her after trying to shout "Fuck you, you bastard!" but only being able to whisper, and she didn't care.
Today I'm going to sew Stephani's present at Shane's parents' house because my sewing machine broke mid sew. Hip hip hooray.
Skipping ahead a few years... Leaving College in the past and travelling hours away from home...
When chances are thrown at us we must take them.. Grab hold of lifts that will take us further in life.
I was offered chances to go leave 'the nest' and head out into the 'big bad world' on my own.. and most importantly a chance to achieve the goals I wanted and escape the mess of my past.
Skipping even more to recent time we come along the tale of the hearing impared Eagle, a tall fella lacking in the strikingly good looks he believed he had and even more lacking in the personailty he believed everyone loved. In his mind he was God, always right and ever so perfect, but on the outside, viewers saw an arrogant fool, steaming with testosterone and anger.. fueled by his own stupid mind and the scenarios he made up.. H believed everyone was out to get him and he was always in the right and others were trying to hurt him.. Any girl he liked, (or I should say likes.. as he continues on his search for 'his gal') became his, no matter her feelings, she in his mind was owned by him and no one else could have her.
Unfortunately both myself and a friend I had made, Selena, were labelled as 'Eagle's Girl'. We continued to refuse such a label, explaining to everyone we were no ones but our own!
Feeding me with lies of how he did not fall for girls easily and how much he liked me I am glad to say I did not fall for this fella, however he took it on himself to tell everyone I was his girl, even when i was gone from the town and back at home in the city.. Even after I sat in a car for an hour and told him I DID NOT want to date him THEN when he called to say he had told everyone and I corrected him he still thought when I got back there was a chance. I guess we have to give him the credit of being persistant, ANNOYING and FREAKY but persistant!
Meanwhile he was doing the same to Selena. A lesson learned is that when one buys you alot of drinks, they usually do want to get you in bed, so ladies be careful!! Lucky for me I had 'friends' who rescued me in my unsoberish state.
So the tale of Eagle was an annoying argument of feelings and the common theme in our lives, lies!! But when the lies came out and the truth surfaced that he was chasing both of us girlies he tried to make it still look like we both wanted him. Claiming he was in love (while he slept with another girl), he still had no chance with either of us.
As he confessed his love to Selena, she once again explained she did not feel for him the same way, with her paitence wathering and his testosterone getting stronger and his stupidity worse, we all started to get very sick of his cockish behaviour. When Selena and our friend Luke admitted their feelings to one another, for they had secretly been wanting one another but weren't doing anything because of Eagle.. As the saying goes, shit hit the fan. Eagle screamed and punched things, threatening Luke and trying hard to still win all the girlies over.
This long twisted story of Eagle chasing girls and asking his friend Luke to chose between him or her has left him with alot less friends and he girls he liked not talking to him... but he puts on his brave face... =P Especially after his attempt to threaten Selena with an AVO, even though he was the one that screamed at her, straight in the face.. So with the excitement to get away from the freak, Selena and our friends have gone on the search for a new home, with Eagle acting like nothing has happened but still growling at Selena, all cause she didn't like him. PEOPLE ARE WEIRD!
I always look at you like you're not there
at the same time I'm still wondering if you care
it's funny how you took my knife away
and then cut your wrists denying you're insane
I know you think that I love you, and that I'm obsessed
but it's something that you never would have guessed
because I know a girl and she's so empty
all she wants is to be free
but her heart is a storming sea
will the unicorn be willing to serve thee
or abide by thy crib whilst you sleep
your made-up reins are no use here in life
but that doesn't give you the right to use a knife
your idols fall and break, your hidden power fades
the fruit comes back to you from what you thought you gave
and I know a girl and she's so empty
all she wants is to be free
but her heart is a storming sea
canst thou bind the unicorn with your band
or will he harrow the valleys across the land
you can't trust God even though His strength is great
will you deny Him until it is too late
a unicorn is not a thing that you could ever tame
but Jesus wants to tame you, He's calling your name
and I know a girl and she's so empty
all she wants is to be free
but her heart is a storming sea
you don't know what you are when bathed in light
but you remain in a shadow-darkened night
your heaven is Jeff, your hell is how I made you feel
that night when I refused to see the real
your castle's crumbling, and your island sinks
your happiness is gone and evil's on the brink
and I know a girl and she's so empty
all she wants is to be free
but her heart is a storming sea
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