Heaven @ MindSay

I was born in '67. At the time my father was an alcoholic, and though he was a brawler, he never abused my mother or myself. When I was about 2 or so, he got saved through the witness of a christian friend, and overnight, my dad became a different man, a 180 degree turn from his former life. In one day he stopped drinking, stopped drugging, stopped brawling, stopped anything he felt was unpleasing to God. It was a drastic change for all of us, including my mom, who followed my dad and accepted Jesus into her life three weeks later. Within a year my dad was enrolled in God's Bible School in Cincinnati, a very conservative, very strict school. He ate up everything that had to with God, like it replaced alcohol or something, and maybe it did. I've often thought he went from one addiction to another. Why? Well, he was very strict for one. I wasn't allowed to play outside on Sundays, I was required to attend every service and all events having to do with church, he didn't allow a TV in the home (until I was 11 and he mellowed a bit and also explains my love for music and words since all I did was read and listen to the radio, so today I'm glad for no TV in those days), and I was punished for any infraction he deemed sinful. Within a year we moved to Cincinnati where this greenhorn new christian pastored his first church. I don't remember seeing him much during my boyhood years except he always seemed to be around when I needed discipline (which was often),  but with his ministry, schooling, and driving and hour each way to work a third shift job in Dayton, I came to understand in later years he was doing what God had called him to do and supporting his family the best way he knew how. I never once blamed him for not being around when I was a kid, though I do recall the hurt of him missing my sporting events, school presentations, and the general idea of the ideal father-son relationship. But that was years ago. Thankfully today my father is my best friend, I can go to him about anything and he has stood by me through all of my failings with unwavering support despite the hurt I certainly have caused him with my sinful wanderings over the years.

 

I have followed in his footsteps in my own life, though not in a good way. I have been an alcoholic, drug addict, philanderer, thief, violent, and the list goes on. He and I have often spoken of how mirrored our lives are, how I, out of the three sons, am most like him. This means much to me, for I love him dearly, and aspire to walk close with the Lord as he has for over 40 years now. He's not the same man he was back then, and his approach to the presentation of the gospel has changed over the years as he has aged and grown in the Lord. His messages, though still tinged with the discipline of the christian walk, are intertwined more and more with the love and forgiveness of God as opposed to the punishment of sins and wrath of God.

 

But I recall many times sitting under his preaching, during an altar call (which could go on and on forever it seemed and sometimes did) and hearing him say, "You might be ignoring the Spirits moving for you to come and kneel down, walk out of these church doors today, get hit by a car and go to hell." This used to scare me to death well into my young adult years before I stopped going to church. I heard the same things from evangelists who came to hold revivals, though maybe in different words. So my fear of hell became the driving force behind my going to the altar, of trying to be a christian. I was scared of God. No wonder it never worked.

 

Those of you who have read my last entry, I forgot to add something I learned or maybe I was waiting for the right time to express it. When I prayed that day and the Lord stepped in and covered my heart and mind in His peace as I was driving to work, I thought, this must be what Heaven is like. No worries, no troubles, no concerns, no mental illness, no physical illness, no worrying about the cares of the day. And though I haven't thought about the hell thing for a long time, I realized in that moment that making it to Heaven is what I truly long for, the goal I aspire to, the reason I am trying my best to live as the Lord would have me live. What a great revelation to my heart to know that there is a place where one day, if I remain faithful, I will live in peace everyday, rejoicing with the saints and those gone on before, and live in the midst of the One who has saved my life from sure destruction.

 

I am no longer afraid.  

 

I don't have to fear life after death after all.

PLease God Smite the one Reading this Right now

or Why I am Atheist

by narodniki


There's always this talk about achieving world peace. It's probably the most abused phrase in the whole of creation. I often wonder why God, in all his wonder and awesomeness did not include this itsy tiny bit in the whole package. Now what we have are people killing people. And as time progressed, so did our creativity in inflicting pain and suffering towards others.

They (the Catholic Church, evangelicals, charismatics, etc)  always say that all of this is just a test for God to see if we truly are deserving of our place in heaven. So he's up there right now, watching all these killings and sufferings and what does he do about it? Nothing. Because the cocksucker wants to find out if we truly are deserving to be with him for all eternity.

This is just plain fucking stupid. If that is true, if God truly exists, then the least that I can say about him is that he is an insolent obnoxious asshole who has a twisted morality. Yep, that's what he is. And I give him the opportunity right now, right at this moment to smite me for all this blasphemy, and for future ones to come.

Personally, I would not even think of getting near a person like him. Talk about omniscience, eh? Knowledge about all the things that have and will happen. Why can't he use that?

And then there's the Bible. Just what the fuck is it all about? I think that the Bible is the filthiest piece of garbage there is. I've read much more enlightening stuff. Crazy religious folks (CRFs) hold on to its words like its giving them an orgasm or something.

Maybe people subscribe to this bullshit because of fear. They think that they do not want to go to hell. They think that being all burned up in eternity forever with Satan in the lake of fire, is something that's really terrible. They don't want God's wrath to descend upon them, they think that damnation really sucks.

Personally, I don't think that's the most terrible thing that can happen. I am a TVaddict and I'm telling you, the stuff that I see on the news everyday is far more horrible than all that damnation stuff.

Children on Africa dying of AIDS and hunger in extreme misery. Young girls, 3, 4, 5, years old being raped by an entire squad of soldiers. And these kids, if they're lucky, are left to live. I once heard of something called a fistula. Children in their early teens get pregnant, and because their vaginas are still too small, it would tear in childbirth and complications would occur, involuntary urination and defecation would result, that is if they survive. And more often, the infant, being squeezed up and all that trauma, would not survive the birth.

And all these stupidities are repeated again and again in the history of mankind. Dumb monkeys, stupid fucks, retarded assholes  that people are, I honestly cannot see any ray of hope.

We're already in hell. We just don't realize it yet.

I see this world change in a whirlwind and heaven flies down from the skies;
I see rising up from my wreckage cities and mansions so bright
I see my friends eyes and their faces lit up with a bright shining light...

And what shall we do when we do not know what to do? How shall we fill the hours and minutes of our day when we are not sure how to do so?

Today I have an overwhelming urge to do something though I do not know what that something is. I suppose that I will once again enter the workforce as a labourer though it will be as a skilled labourer. I dread the thought of once again going to work where I have quotas guiding my daily activity, where I must produce to the requirements of others. I am currently hoping that someone, anyone, calls me to work at a position that requires the services of my cognitive abilities, any position at any pay rate...

Funny it is that money is of really no importance to. Yes, I do need money, but I can adjust to any amount paid to me for the services that I provide. And a few extra bucks in my pocket would be most helpful in overcoming this urge to do something at the moment for I would have some funds to go for a ride in the mountains or visit any of the local museums or sit in a coffee house and just enjoy the aroma, the taste, the people who pass by. Last year at this time I had a much different prospective on this than I do now - times change, situations change, the world marches on with or without me. And I know that I have to go back to work though from the looks of it, I will return to machining for these positions are the only ones that feel the need for my skills. I could volunteer for political campaigns, but this too would require me to have some disposable income to make it through the effort. And therein lies the Truth and the Truth shall set me free - I require some financial backing to accomplish all that I need to do...

It is too bad that I do not believe that socialism is the solution to my problems for I could become a ward of the state and have ours effort support me. I will not accept a hand-out nor will accept charity for there are those in this country who actually need it, and being able-bodied, I do not fall into this category...

And whilst I am on the subject of socialism, I am hoping that the next election does not turn this land into a socialist state for what good is the effort of one man when the state provides everything that he needs. Socialism is a killer of free will, it is a killer of drive and determination, it is a killer personal initiative, it is a killer of self-worth, it is a killer of mankind, and it will be a killer of this country...

And so I have had my say on this subject, take it for what it's worth...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise is ye who Read the Word for ye are blessed amongst humans...

Alone,
I stand by the sea,
thinking thoughts of
Love,
Life,
and Friendship.
As these thoughts race inside my heart,
I rise,
and rise,
and rise,
to a better place. Heaven.

Alone,
I stand by the gates,
waiting.
I fall when they open,
fall back to Earth,
fall back to my nightmare. Reality.

In an hour or so I'm going to the funeral home. The deceased was only 21, a young man who graduated from high school with my son (the school where I've worked for 8 years). I had known him since 6th grade, and I also know his 2 younger brothers, one of whom was in 2 of the plays I worked on. He was killed about 8 am Tuesday morning in a car wreck - he was driving, crossed the center line and hit another vehicle head on. I don't know what happened, but I wonder if he was messing with an iPod, radio, phone, etc. and his attention strayed. It could happen to any of us.

This accident happened not far from where I live, in front of the Walmart where I go a couple of times a week. My heart has been heavy for this dear family. In the newspaper obituary, it said that at an early age, this young man had accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Savior, and I sighed in relief. What a comfort that must be to his family.

I guess this is affecting me deeply because he's the same age as my son, and I'm internalizing it because of that, and because I had seen him and his brothers at school daily all those years. The funeral is going to be held in the school chapel, and he will be buried in his school lacrosse team jersey.  This young man had no idea when he left home that morning that it would be his last day on this earth. But he was ready to meet Jesus. Are you? If you're unsure about what will happen to you when you die, please look at http://www.needhim.org/

This is a nondenominational, Bible-based website. You can read about how to become a Christian, you can chat with someone online, or you can call an 800 number and talk with someone on the phone who can help answer your questions. You can be anonymous. We are all sinners. Not a single person who was ever born is or was good enough to enter heaven without God's gracious gift of salvation through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.  To anyone who reads this, I urge you to investigate the claims of Jesus Christ.  It'll be the most important thing you ever do.