Heart Attack @ MindSay 
death
I feel kind of guilty because when my father called me to tell me about it I was concerned but not really surprised. I've seen the guy eat bad for years and known he's had high blood pressure so my first reaction was something more like "OK, I saw that coming that's what he get for eating that way" is that wrong of me to think that way? I mean just last week I was him eat three pork chops in one sitting, so it wasn't a shock.The guys 60 so it isn't that uncommon for guys his age to have them .
Also, I didn't visit him in the hospital because I really don't like them ("them" being the hospitals not my family) . So, yeah I'm kind of a shitty nephew.
For those of you that wish you could make your morning just that extra bit crappier, let me introduce "The Testicle Punching Alarm Clock!"
This morning I was woken up to hear the doorbell being repeatably bashed. I ignored it because frankly I had 10 more minutes left till my alarm went off and I don't care if Chuck Norris himself is here to save me from the communists, I'm not fucking giving up my last 10 minutes. Actually come to think of it, Chuck wouldn't use the doorbell, he'd just touch the door and it would self implode from fear But I digress, so Tiggs eventually gets up and answers the door and its road workers saying I need to move my car immediately. I throw on some pants over my boxers and have to walk out past all the men with no bra and just a singlet top on and move the bloody car. After this is finally done, I chuck some brocolli on to boil for lunch and go to have a shower. It's then I realised that the discomfort I feel was not from the leering pervets but from acute chest pains. My first thought was 'god I'm having a heartattack and the closest person with CPR knowledge is one of those perverts" but I then notice they weren't going down my arm so it was probably something else. So I quickly showered, packed my bag and sped off to the doctors. I told them what was wrong and I was made to take a seat and when I eventually saw a doctor it turned out to be the blond devil spawn lady that yells at you. Straight off the bat I got in trouble for not coming in earlier for my second gardisil injection and when she finally examined me it turns out I have an enflamed breast bone. Apparently it will hurt for a week and I should take neurophen. But she wasn't finished there, now I had to go get jabbed with a monster needle. After this, I was allowed to skip happily off to my first class of the morning where the lecturer likes to repeatably tell us that we're lazy if we use technology and we should do graphs and calculations by hand. Life's just swell, ain't it?
I recently returned from a near heart attack-inducing trip to the local branch of a nationwide discount store. I took my three doughnuts (I hate it when it’s spelled DONUT), pack of hot dogs, and two boxes of corn muffin mix to an express lane (20 items or less). I was the second person in line, so I figured I would breeze on through and be out in just a few minutes. I should have known. I should have known! When has anything ever been as simple as that?
Apparently the woman in front of me was a teacher because she was buying school supplies in bulk. In fact, a couple of people passed by and recognized her as such. She thought she was being slick by putting 20 composition books and 60 folders into two boxes, but they each had to be rung up separately, so that constituted 80 items, not two. Then there were all the pens and pencils, and pads. Even without the two boxes there were over 20 items. 20 items or less means just that. It can be 20 pencils or 20 TV sets, but 20 items means 20 items…and I know that if I had gone into the line with 21 items, they’d have sent me elsewhere.
I realize that a lot of teachers have to pay for their own classroom supplies—that in itself is reprehensible, given the exorbitant sums of money our state and local governments extort from us in the name of education—and I can certainly appreciate the sacrifice. But 20 items means 20 items!
Finally ready to pay, the lady pulled five gift cards out of her purse. Naturally only two of them scanned. The hapless soul running the register was utterly baffled, scanning each card innumerable times before it finally dawned on her to call a superior, who eventually arrived and proved to be anything but.
We were approaching the 15-minute mark at that point, but all of the other checkout lines were so full with other shoppers smart enough to avoid my line that I figured if I stepped to the back of another line, the problem with the gift cards would be miraculously solved, people would flock to that line, and I would be up the creek.
At the 20-minute mark, the cashier said to me, “Sir, would you mind going to another line? We’re having a problem here.”
No kidding. And yes, I do mind. Expletives deleted. I did say loud enough for any and everybody to hear, “This is ridiculous,” and went grudgingly to another line.
I could feel my face flush. My nostrils flared, I was breathing rapidly, and my heart was pounding in my chest. I stepped to the other line, holding my wares and staring at the floor. Pain shot through my left arm and…what was that in front of me?
My eyes drifted forward to a great pair of legs. Hmmmm. Interesting. I looked up to see who they belonged to and found the most adorable hourglass standing in front of me; long blonde hair and a pair of shorts and a tank top that were…revealing…yeah, that’s it. That 80 items or less line was soon forgotten, and I settled in to enjoy the view.
I finally got up the nerve to speak and said, “They sure like to take their sweet time, don’t they?” The guy turned around and agreed.
The paramedics checked me out and gave me a clean bill of health. I hadn’t had a heart attack, but I’d given my head a heck of a whack when I passed out into the shopping cart behind me. I called the wife and apologized.
I finally made it out to my vehicle with my corn meal, hot dogs, health, and very little pride. I’d abandoned the DONUTS at the register once the chocolate began to melt.
I went home and prepared some of Rachael Ray’s 30 Minute Meals oven-baked corn dogs for lunch.
Why was I not surprised that they turned out lousy?
© 2007 by J.D. Lewis
I called Alan on his birthday (thursday), like I said I would. I'm one up on him now, because he didn't call me on my birthday like he said he would. Ha. I thought it was going to be a two second call, just say "happy birthday" and then let him go because I thought he would be doing something with his family or whatever. Well, I was wrong. We talked for twenty minutes (woopdy do, right? ...not for me. We haven't talked on the phone that long for a while), and I thought he would be the one to say he had to go but it was me....I had to go do homework. He sounded kind of disappointed when I said I had to go but I told him I'd call him this weekend. And yeah....
So last night, a few of us went to Buffalo Wild Wings to eat something. It was Jhon, Trivia, Mary, Alex, and me. Mary decided she wanted to see my phone, and that she was going to call someone...guess who? Alan, that's right. I said I wanted my phone back, and then she gave it to me. Joie called me, so I answered it. Turns out, Mary started calling Alan from Trivia's phone. She didn't get through the first time, and then called again. He answered. She was going to ask him to prom for me (we were talking about it earlier...and everyone thinks I should ask him)...even though I was planning on it this weekend or next weekend. I'm pretty sure the whole building knew I wanted to kill her lol, I was yelling "MARY I'm going to kill you!" pretty loud. I was pretty much having a fricken heart attack. I got up and was going to take the phone to hang up, and Trivia grabbed it and made a quick getaway. Yes, she asked him. He said he'd think about it.........I still think he's going to say no--yet everyone else thinks he's going to say yes.
I don't think he realizes how many times I've said I'd give up everything just to be a part of his life for a day...an hour...a minute...a few seconds. I would love to be the one that makes him happy...the girl that when he sees my name on his cell phone when I call, he gets nervous but happy...the one who can cause one ounce of special happiness in his life. Meh.........I miss him. I want to go down there. I want to be his girl....not just his friend.
Tonight....Perkins run at midnight. Maybe call Alan.
<?3 Nicole
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