i don't know why i don't just go home.. i think it's finally gotten to the point where they won't care if i go.. atleast that's what it sounded like last night..
lately, whenever i've asked to call him, i get the same thing: mom rolls her eyes and says "do what ever you want to do, arianne" and i feel guilty.. well, last night was no different.. only i heard what they said about me after i left the room.. i stood at the top of the stairs and listened to them and felt like tearing my hair out..
but this is what i wanted, right? i wanted it to get to the point where they'd be okay if i left.. i've pushed and pushed and pushed them away and they've tried to hold on, but i think it's getting to be too much for them.. they're giving up, my family is giving up on me.. it's hard to swallow, but isn't this what i wanted?
this was supposed to make it easier to leave, supposed to ease the pain, but now it's only causing more..
my family won't care if i leave tomorrow and now january 24 is only 56 days away..
god, am i really going to do this?
