Hate @ MindSay 
love
And to make things worse, when I finally take the leap for help, it's only going to make things worse. Because then everyone will learn the truth, and the truth hurts. It's going to stab a wound so deep into most people who know me it's pretty much going to be the single most traumatizing event of my life, that is if I even survive it. Just thinking about it now is enough to make me sick again...
I need to be vaccinated from myself.
Well, I get to go home today, after this training seminar that is, 6 more hours of boring-ness and then a four hour drive and I'll be back home, I can hardly wait.
So yeah, anyway, life is sometimes very complicated. Life is random and just doesn't always make sence, or follow a set path. Guess we have to just take what we get and deal with it.
I love someone, and hate that same person. I want to sceam but at the same time I want to cry. Love and hate are not opposites, in my opinion. They are actually the same thing. The opposite to either love or hate is indifference, I think because if you love or hate someone, it shows some level of caring. Indifference means you don't care anymore.
Anyway, time heals all, been here, done that, and I will do it again, and survive.
Usually, when I go on trips I always bring my camera, but I forgot to this time. The drive here was beautiful, I am not kidding, it was the perfect day for a trip, sunny but not too hot. Wish I had brough my camera.
This morning to, I watched the sun rise, I am in Toronto, Canada at the moment(this is not where I live though), and watching the sun break on the horizon was truly breathtaking. There is some low cloud cover and it just was as beautiful as any sunset I have ever seen, and with Toronto as its backdrop, man, I wish I had my camera!
Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
(Well what else is new...?)
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Yesterday was a bank holiday Monday, so I spent the day at Adam's house.
We played a few songs on Guitar Hero III co-op, and got him a couple of groupie points.
Then he burnt me Parappa The Rapper, and I tried it out, did the first few levels, and got the "U Rappin' Cool!" rank on level 1.
When I got home though, I kept failing level 1.
Which was annoying...
Almost as annoying as the fact that memory card slot 1 is broken on my chipped Playstation, so I'll never be able to save PTR, because it will only save to slot 1.
Anyway though.
We sat around drinking Cherry Coke, eating Oreos and sweets - milk bottles and cherry cola bottles - then crisps and salted peanuts.
Adam then suggested he get out the old PS1 and we play Resident Evil 3.
Of course, he played it, I watched and offered my hints. :)
It was great fun actually.
The weird thing was though, every time I seemed to speak - something would happen.
And this happened like five times - every time I started talking, either zombies would jump out of cars, dogs would jump out of windows, or Nemesis would burst out of a door.
Today's been shit though.
It's weird though - I don't think I've done ANY schoolwork today.
- OMFG THERE'S A SPIDER ON THE WALL BEHIND MY MONITOR...
...But yes.
Umm...
Lesson 1 - IT, exam prep, I'm not doing the exam again, I had nothing to do, I went on FPC.com.
Lesson 2 - English, revision, I didn't do a lot, just listened and read.
Lesson 3 - Science, Cowley just talked us through our coursework.
Lesson 4 - Maths, Wilson wasn't even there, we were down in humanities 2, and Miraan, Amanda and I just played hangman for like the whole hour.
Lesson 5 - Media studies, down the CLC, Sam and I just sat there playing hangman on the PC, because we can't really do an awful lot on our project.
Though, I felt depressed all day.
Just listening to a certain set of people who used to be friends with me until they met each other - talking and laughing down the aisle next to me.
So I cut myself a little bit.
At dinnertime, I did my left, and I did my right after school.
Which was a bad time to do it, because as Mrs Mac was talking to me, she took me by the right wrist - as she often does when she talks to people - but she pressed her fingers right into the fresh cuts, and it KANED.
So I just stood there wincing, trying to keep silence, despite how much it hurt.
Tomorrow I have to go and see those people, and I'm not looking forward.
At least mother isn't coming.
Sigh...
Well, I am still like 4 hours from home so that teh suck0rz but I am feeling better now.
Anyway, for when people actually might start reading my blog, I am a single while male. Been threw a few realationships, and I guess the saying what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger applies. I don't really think of myself as a 'normal' guy, I think I am much more sensitive and open and honest than the average joe. I am not afraid of commitment or of the 'l' word (love).
I think I am pretty passionate about myself and my beliefs, and I like to think I am very multi-dimensional and very deep. Yeah, I have not feeling well metally as of late, just so much negativity in the world it seems, dragging me down.
I use to write stories, and man, people I showed them to loved them, said I should write a book and I wanted to one day, but then just seems I woke up one day and all my inspiration was gone. Its been over 5 years since I have been able to come up with anything. About the same time, I was totally in love with this girl who I knew loved me as well, but there were complications that we both knew meant we could never be together. We both knew and understood but didn't make saying goodbye forever any`easier.
And that was it for my stories then to. I guess I will be able to write again someday, I think I need to meet the right girl to make me feel that love and passion for life I once felt.
Anyway, peace out.
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