Hard To Find @ MindSay

today i am going to find my way around!!

 

hopefully i'll find the beach.

the Mediterrenean Sea shouldn't be that hard to find, right?

right.

Have You Ever? Have ever loved somebody so much It makes you cry Have you ever needed something so hard You can't sleep at night Have ever tried to find the words But they don't come out right Have you ever, Have you ever Have you ever been in love Been in love so bad You'd do anything to make them understand Have you ever had someone steal your heart away You'd give anything to make them feel the same Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart But you don't know what to say And you don't know where to start Have ever loved somebody so much It makes you cry Have you ever needed something so hard You can't sleep at night Have ever tried to find the words But they don't come out right Have you ever, Have you ever Have you ever found the one You've dreamed of all your life You'd do anything to look into their eyes Have you finally found the one you've given your heart Only to find that one won't give their heart to you Have you ever closed your eyes and Dreamed that they were there And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby What do I gotta do to get your heart To make you understand how I need you next to me Gotta get you in my world 'Coz baby I can't sleep

Billy sees the wall holes
the gatorade pile goes
up to the ceiling
it's hard to see what he's feeling
when the screen screams yahoo
to fantasize a tie ball
game in the tradeoff
throw up another firewall

who am I?
just pie in the sky?

I gotta email apology
and open up the scar wound
and ask for introspection
from disco stu
into lyrical sanity
tangled up in the beisner blue

Freedom mails back vague
traces of a broken leg
wash me with a dirty rag
and watch the puppy tail wag
excited in the dog house
Freedom in a clean blouse
says I need a head douse
straight from the horse's mouth

who am I?
just another guy?

I gotta end my old life
practice with a blunt knife
the black girl asks me with strife
"is that woman your wife?"
and try to end your old life
when you take away my blunt knife
and give it back so you can go
and try and find some more night

think hard think soft
way to turn your brain off
just when I think you've had enough
you try to make me turn and cough
ride the bus get cussed
don't touch my knee
can't ya leave well finally
why can't ya do it quietly

who am I?
not my inner thigh!?!

but farm girl violence
it seeps through the armed world
there is no silence
she acts like she likes me
when she wants to fight me
escape to the highlands
and try to close my eyelids
just shut out this crazy kid

and hard rain slow pain
deep lax no pax income tax
no air high fare
don't try to really care
melt ice melt snow slush cone
can't scream can't moan
why all you people
just leave the snowman alone

who am I?
am I just living a lie?

I'm lost inside the guidemap
climb upon her wide lap
and try to take my nap
combination cry/slap
I guess I better leave
I won't dry tears on your sleeve
it's just I cannot take
all these fly traps in the mind crap

I sit here thinking of how to describe a situation so complex and confusing I don't even understand it myself.  I can not put into words accurately exactly the situation and the emotions that are involved, but here is my best shot.  My heart is unwilling to let go of something I had previously, to say what I had before would be impossible because it has been so long since I had it.  To be honest I wonder if what I had was real, or if it was just something I have exaggerated so immensely that the entirety of what I had has been distorted.  So I will just go with what I have played it up to be, which is something that we all seek but few of us ever really find.  So that being said the very fact that I was able to obtain this and then lose it is maddening.  I have sought it since then but I have been unable to find it, relying only on my memory of what it was in order to seek it out.  The very fact I did this is my flaw, for in this case trying to seek it only by memory is foolish considering that it changes depending on the circumstances that are present.  But I did not realize this until now.  I see potential all around me but I am unwilling and unable to risk my feelings again.  The only way to move on is to let go, but I find it hard to let go of something that was so precious to me.  The very fact that I lost it may put my reasoning into question, but I will simply say that the reason I lost it was purely innocent and a mistake of a boy.  I tell myself constantly that I can never again have what I lost with this person, that it is utterly impossible but yet I still can not let go.  Perhaps eventually I will be able to, but I can only see into the near future not the distant future.  My heart is so worn out at this point that I have no feelings anymore save one, and that is my feelings for her.  Although she is unaware of my true predicament she has always offered her support, and I gladly give my support to her.  I aspire to one day let go, but until then I remain shackled to my previous commitments and promises.

Let us rejoice and let us sing and dance and ring in the new
Hail Atlantis!
Way down below the ocean where I wanna be she may be,
Way down below the ocean where I wanna be she may be...

Here I sit upon a stool wondering about things for which I have no answers wondering all the while why it is that I wonder about such things that have no real importance to the fate of mankind and the tiny spinny sphere that we find ourselves riding upon through this particular bit of the universe...

Alas, I am but one person amongst the billions of individuals who populated this orb, how can I make a difference in the ultimate fate of humanity? How can my voice be heard over the mutterings of all who surround me? And if my voice can be heard, would anyone listen to what I have to say? Does any of this really matter or should I just concern myself with gratifying my senses?

I can type a billion words and place them somewhere so all the world can see, but will anyone take the time to learn from the message that is contained therein? Or for that matter, will anyone actually bother to even to stop by and take a look at this one lone voice screaming into the storm that threatens the very fabric of this lone spaceship in the vast wasteland of the universe?

There is much swirling about in the space between my ears that I find it hard to even begin telling the world what I find important at this moment in time. But then again, would anyone amongst the billion actually listen to what I have to say if I could actually think of what to place in the wasteland of my cyberexistence?

And still with every ray of sunlight that peeks through the storm clouds, I feel that there is hope for mankind and that all my words have not been written in vein...

Can you hear me now? Can you here me now, my children?

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans and a little ray of sunshine peeking through the darkest cloud...