Happy Place @ MindSay

I woke up this morning got dressed and brushed my hair and teeth. I decited to curl my hair this morning for some reason. While curling my hair I started thinking about a question I was asked the night before. If Jesus himself came to you and told you you could have one wish before you leave this place what would you wish for?  I decited finally what I would wish for. I would wish to go back to the happiest day of my life. Just to have that feeling before I go. But I thought about it and I cant seem to figure out when that was. Well im sure he would figure it out for me since he knows already.

 

But I wanna know what your wish would be and/or when your happiest moment was.  So start stabbing me in the back.

I keep trying to find the energy to blog. Blogging used to be a way for me to vent my anger and frustration to get it out in the open. Now I barely do it. I mean it can't be because I am completely happy. Life has never been very happy for me. Even though I am recently married and bought a place to live in the past year. Things have changed a lot for me. I used to never leave the house, however, I still hardly leave. There are new things I learn everyday to deal with being a non-medicated bi-polar disorder having person in a medicated world. It is still difficult to me to acceot the fact that medication just might help my situation. There was a period in my life that I was on a few different anti-depressants, but that was before I found out I was bipolar. So those medications did nothing for me. I am just torn on what to do, do I keep up my struggle day to day to be happy? Or do I medicated myself and see if that works. I am afraid of medication, one because of the sexual side effects a lot of them have. Plus I don't want to waste a year of my life trying to find out the right mix for me. If anybody has any insight on what I should do, I would appreciate it. Although I fear I blog so little that not many wil read this. :)

You cant say you weren't warned.

 

This may sound corny but I just watch 2 hours of "So You Think You Can Dance". At the end was a young man who has just been 60 days sober and he said what is keeping him sober is dancing, its his safe place; his happy place.

How many people can say they have that safe place; that happy place anymore? Not to keep you sober, not to keep you from doing stupid things, but just to keep you happy and content.

 

I honestly, if asked, could not answer what my safe place is, or what my happy place is.

15 years ago I would have said it was dancing. I was in jazz, ballet, highland, always going, always getting involved.

10 years ago I would have said it was music. I spent my final year of high school only doing music. At 6am I was at band practice. First, third and fifth period were music classes, and teaching a music class. After school until 6pm was band practise. I gave up my dream of being a musician. I gave up a college education in music. I kick myself in the ass every day, and have done so since I was 18. I wonder from time to time, where I would be and who I would be, had I followed my dreams.

For years all I did was eat, breathe and sleep music and dancing. It was part of me. It defined me, who I was, everything about me.

 

Obviously over the years I have lost both of those things. While they remain in me, mostly as memories and as part of my past, I know I wont gain them back in the same way I had them. I know I could if I tried, practised and turned my life back to them and only them, but thats not possible. Things are so different now. I have a career, I have a love, I have a life. Ahhhh to be younger again and not be at the same stage in life as I am now.

 

Parents always say things about teenagers being "know it alls" and not realizing how lucky they have things, not having major responsibilities, etc. I honestly dont believe I ever fit into the "not knowing" category. While I will be the first to admit I was, and still am, very much a smart ass and know it all, I really dont think I ever took for granted anything I had going for myself when it came to talent or skill or intelligence. I used everything I have been given to the fullest I could.

 

So now, what is my safe place? Where is my happy place?

 

I have let my career completely rule me. I dont have the same time for hobbies anymore. I dont have time for me.

 

I am happiest when I am with Adam, I am happiest when I am with a good friend. I am happiest when I am helping others. It's not the same.

 

I need to take some time for ME and find that place again. Not necessarily through dance or music (because god knows I dont have the body for dance anymore, although I do have the gut to blow my trumpet), but through something I am good at, enjoy doing, and feel content doing. Not work related. I need to learn to separate work from life.

 

As much as work is my life, my clients are my life, I need to separate it. Leave it at work, or know when to leave it on the shelf for a few hours at a time. Its hard!

 

What is your safe place?

What is your happy place?

Inspire me!

Happy (belated) Valentine's Day! ^^  I got pretzels from my parents, mwahahah.  They were covered in white chocolate, YUM.  You see, all chocolate and/or yogurt covered pretzels hold a special place in my heart. (Needless to say, they're all gone now.) I didn't get any flowers for anyone this year, but I probably will next year.  I should've sent an anonomous one to myself, then I could walk around and be all like, "Hey, I got a rose from anonomous....mwahahah....who could it be?" I did get a rose though, from my friend Laura/Fable! Yay, thank youuu!! (even though she'll probably never read this, but oh well) 

   Gosh, our final project in acting class is quite....dark? ^^; With a title like "Crimes of the Heart", you just know it has to be dramatic.  I'm playing Meg, which is interesting because she's the exact opposite of me.  We have the scene, they're just in the kitchen (I believe the entire play takes place in their kitchen) talking... Granddaddy got a stroke and probably won't live, and Billy-something got stuck by lightning and died. (Billy is a horse.)  It's so sad. ;_;  And then there's that whole thing with me and Doc... Lol, my character is so self-centered. "I mean, can I sacrifice their happiness for mine? Yes! Oh yes! Yes, I can!" I love that line. ^^;

   Wow, I'm wasting time, I have too much homework to write an entry of this extent...AHHH....

   The cast list didn't come out today.  I was so excited, too! Well, I guess we'll just have to wait until tommorrow...0__0 *very disappointed*

new! DILLIGAD- do i look like i give a damn
good for im-ing, eh?

awdytmt- and why did you tell me this?

kewl


Happy Hearts, everybody!

i sent a valentine thingy-ma-jig to the guy  i like !Yay!

i got second place in the school spelling bee (i got out on soluble [notice i can spell it] and was beat by a supergenius fifth grader that speaks four languages)

i like spelling

BESTESTEST SPELUR EVUR!

psycho hippie