Hallucination @ MindSay 
wow... i'm hearing things that don't exist.
fucking sleeping pills.
Don't make me sleepy,
but make me have a headache and hallucinate [auditory]
fuck... if i see any hallucinations i'm going to cry.
because i know they won't be happy little bunnies.
Swimming in vitreous humor and winking
and
blinking
and
sighing
glyding…
I'm feeling positively squamous.
::flaps fins and flys away::
I have altered mental states that I can see like windows, doorways that I have keys to. Jingle jangle the keys and scare myself, scare my self scare me. Click click patty whack. This old man, not so old, he doesn't want to roll the bones. Doorways into something dark and deep and warm and eternal. Doorways into black milk and wet ruins and in strange aeons even death can die.
...I can't sleep.
If I sleep, it'll be there.
Doorways, thresholds, hallways, that's it, hallways in my mind and doors. Doors I toss things through that I don't want. Lock one door, walk to another. Wood underneath my
feet creaking cracking splinters (step over the crack) jingle jangle the keys. Jingle jangle mingle mangle. Mangle gangle, ganglia. Ganglia. Hanging threads of wet and cold and suffocating and warm black milk. Ruins. Wet. Ruins. Green. Verdant dreams.
In Rh'leyh... dreams.
Nightmares and dreamscapes, love. Nightmares and dreamscapes.
Face is opening up, lines dripping
drawing clawing open and light comes forth and luminosity shines, because inside is
Grow your bat wings. Grow woe woe is me. Leave me, here, left and nothing left. Nothing right either. Right or left, right or wrong. Just what's left and that's wet and black and green and the air is so thick and the air is so wet and the smell is so old and the air is
I'm here.
I don't want to channel this and I can feel it right there, poised, poison seeping, permanent poison, permanent?
Dunno.
Perhaps permanent poison. Precious pretty persona, perky psyche poisoned permanently, perhaps.
I can't tell you how strange it is not to feel webs connecting my fingers.
Nyartholetep.
Ptelohtrayn.
Cthulhu uhluhtC
hello, yes, me again. im crazy. this is the second time ive posted here and already got like 5 comments on my first blog. do you think its possible to be born naturally depressed? i think i was. im sure it doesnt help i was born on the gemini/cancer cusp either. my emotions right now are just fucking amazingly going insane. its like PMSing xs10. i cant keep my mind on one thing or person at a time...no its not ADD. i cant decide which person to be with...maybe im just dumb. sometimes, im so tired i begin to hallucinate, or so much energy i feel like beating the shit out of someone. maybe i just need to get out. not out of my house, but out of this state or country...i want to join the peace corps. i think that might make me normal again. i was never normal to begin with, so nm on that one. but if i stay here, i might as well commit suicide. this place(ft. wayne IN) sucks. horribly. i need so badly to leave this place. i dont even care where i go, just not here. preferably id like to be on a deserted island. alone. naked. and a bottle of rum. (rum only sounds god because obviously on MY island there will be coconuts and pineapple. i dont think vodka goes with those two. hmmm, i want to meet new ppl. tired of the same old bullshit with the same old ppl, who just dont understand a thing about life. not saying im an intellectual who knows all, but some ppl just are more crazy than me. ok. off to work for now. i can vent there.
"Hallucinations, as Robert Graves and Siegfried Sassoon recalled in their memoirs of World War I trench warfare, are common in war. If you lie in a dark hole, listening to the sound of your own breathing, dead objects may rise and live, bald rocks may be transformed into men's pates, pinnacled stones may become witch's fingers. One of the commonest delusions is to see in the distance a buddy you know is dead, one you actually saw die, now very much alive. He is smiling at you. You run over and, of course, he isn't there. Then there are appearances of phantom Japanese* soldiers. I knew a major who dropped his pants in the bush on Guadalcanal and squatted to defecate. A shot rang out. Another Marine had spotted a Japanese* sniper in a coconut tree overhead. The dead sniper dropped thirty feet and plopped right in front of the major. Starting right then he developed an extraordinary case of constipation. Every time he tried to empty his bowels he saw Japs above him. Three weeks later he was flown to Noumea for surgery, but meanwhile his value in combat had been wiped. Similarly, a man in our 81-millimeter mortar platoon awoke in his foxhole one night and saw himself ringed by Japs with fixed bayonets. He grabbed his carbine, tried to turn off the safety, and hit the magazine instead. The magazine fell out. He had a weapon but no ammunition in it. He grabbed the barrel by the stacking swivel, turning the butt into a club, and swatted away in all directions, crying for help. He was lucky he wasn't killed by the other Marines around him. They wrestled him to the ground and convinced him he was out of danger, but to the end of his life, three weeks later, he stubbornly insisted that those Japs had been real. And, of course, to him they were."
*"Nip" in the original text.