Guys Are Jerks @ MindSay

Wednesday nights, I'm helping with our church's kids' program. Last night, after the kids were gone, a few of us girls were hanging out, having a chat.

There are three of us who are in this particular age-bracket/life situation who help at Awana. There are a number of other women, but they're moms.

Anyway, the discussion got to be about guys at some point. Specifically, the three of us are Christian women, and the concept of dating guys who aren't Christians, dating guys who are, dating in general, you get the idea.

Kelly's in an interesting place. We know that, on paper, the ideal situation is that you don't date someone who doesn't share your faith. But, as far as her own life experiences go, she's dated a number of guys who were self-proclaimed Christians, and they were jerks. She's found that, for some reason, the guys that treat her best are the ones who grow up in a home with strong values, possibly one Christian parent, and don't know where they are with God.

I can't apply this one on my own. Kelly's okay with the concept of dating just to date, and it seems to work for her. I haven't found (and maybe I don't want to) the ability to date without wanting it to progress to something greater. I regard said state as the goal of relationships, and when it's become clear that this relationship isn't going to make it there, then I end that relationship. Or it just falls apart on its own.

The three of us seem to be pretty solidly agreed that we're not interested in marrying anyone who hasn't surrendered to Christ. Not saying that it doesn't work - anyone can cite a couple they know that has made it work - but saying that it's not what we want.

But what do we want? Because Kelly's definitely not the first girl I've talked to who's become disgusted with the way Christian guys treat her, and started dating other guys, finding them to be a lot more caring and considerate. A number of us honestly want to be married (a lot of us are, "Someday's," wanting to wait 'til after college or something similar), but when we know better than to marry nonbelievers, and there's so many clods who call themselves Christians, what options do we have?

Brings me to Rachel's approach. Rachel's taking a serious leave from dating. She doesn't see the point of dating anyone who doesn't follow Christ (as she puts it, "You know it's going to end, you're just setting yourself up for getting your heart broken."), but she has yet to encounter a Christian that she feels God's guiding her towards. She also believes that when you have a character that's earnestly seeking God and serving him, he'll shape you into someone amazing, and have someone amazing in mind for you.

One of the few that I have solidly memorized:
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
-Proverbs 31:30

Rachel is one of the few women my age that I look up to. She's strong in her character, strong in her faith, works with kids, serves God, opens her home and her arms to anyone who needs them, but she's real. She can tell you when she's tired, when it's been a rough day - she doesn't try to be perfect, she acknowledges that she's human.

Where do I stand?

Between the last breakup and all the ambiguity that started happening with a friend, I was asked out by five guys. Three of them I put serious consideration into, weighing each matter individually. On a case-by-case basis, I don't regret the way any of them turned out - after I declined, later events revealed that we really weren't right for each other. This is good, except that it WAS a case-by-case basis. There was no universal rule I could learn from this (except maybe to seriously weigh every relationship opportunity) to apply to future endeavors.

I think all I can do, if a guy has told me that he's a Christian, is ask him whether that means he's given his life over to Christ. It's not a guarantee against the kinds of abuse that go on in relationships, but if he's approaching his relationships in a manner trying to please God, and if he can see me through God's eyes...it's a start.