Guild @ MindSay

I heard that there was some hysteria after the battle between my friend Gradawer and Rakzuel, The Warlock. Norier told me that Velice "died" in the middle of a Guild meeting. I will have to "kidnap" her one of these days, and apply her some cosmic energy. It will work out.

 

On a funny note: Norier told me about the meeting, and that the main idea behind it was to give some strength to the Guild internal relations. "We have to be more united", said Rakzuel, The Warlock. Then, Norier whispered him: "So that means you are going to stop ignoring me?"

 

He got no answer.

 

It seems the guild "Masters of The Universe" already exists. I will stay with my comrades. It is good, for Gardawer seems to grow more violent every day and I am afraid my comrades will not accept this.

 

Georg Trakl and Jorge Teillier have been my wardens in the dead of night. Their poetry brings me clear darkness on one hand, and in the other, the nostalgic echoes of the dreamer thoughts about the forest. Excellent writings. I wish my writings were as good as them.

 

*

You know, some times Love can be a strange thing. Dedicating your self to true intentions can be an ever-sweet wine... but dedicating your self to a lyer is another thing.

Joey is a great young man, kindhearted and generious. However his bad habbit of lying to me is what hurts. It shows that he can't trust me. It shows that he dodn't understand me. It shows he is not willing to be with me.

Of corse, online relationshoips are shakey, I would know that more then anyone.. but im not sure what to do anymore. Joey is my only true friend now... my last one in the world, but him constently lying to me, and me continuing to unthread his lies till he eventuily break him down for him to even tell me a small percent of the truth is... undesireable.

Every day im loosing more and more trust in him, and yet i still work for him as his loyal first-mate in the guild. How is it that i am so forgiving, for the man to lie to my face evry day... and yet i would still knot my spine for him is beyond me... i suppose denial.. becouse after he leave... im all alone again... not in love mind you, im marrid... i can easily find someone, i have a line... but thensome, he is the only one who seen me as a whole... and not in parts...

Latly... Joey has been sending messages to other women... and i'd know cos i went up and read them myself... and asked about them... but that hasnt bothered me as much as what he is doing now... flat out ignoring me... hurting me...

I cant even explane it... but it is eatting me up on the inside... all those hours i have proved myself to be loyal, trustworthy... then some, he still has the heart to lie to me like im a sickly dog about to die...

I put all my energy into the guild... and yet im going on ignored to everyonebut a few members who are undereath me... who later on admitted to only like me only becouse i am second in command...

...all i wanted in life was a friend... im almost 21... and iv been hurting all my life... by negelect, abuse, rape... and all i wanted was  a single friend to talk to about it... then came joey... who at first i beleaved was as loyal and as truthworthy... and as kindhearted as i was... until an accident managed to open up and tell meo ut all the lies he gave me... it still hurts thinking about how he lied about his age, his lifestyle, who he was period... but i stuck with him as a true friend... forgiving him for evrtything he did.... and i think he is using it to his advantage...

Just a few weeks ago, he vanished one day... one of my messengers told me to check his account, and i did... inside there was messages with him talking to one of his school mates... in an overly compherting matter... then i crossed a message on how he  went up and said he had a promis ring for her.

How does that effect me? He loves me... after everything, a month later, he admitted to love me. He admitted to wanting to spnd his life with me, becouse of who i was... loyal, truthworthy, kindhearted, generious, forgiving, beautiful... so he says i am beautiful... but then i suddenly look at his messages, and im skimmed out.

I call his phone, and he says he couldnt talk cos he was on a bus... he didnt say where, but my messenger told me he was going to use the exuse he was heading to st.louis. However, i was on the phone with him for a good 2 min, and my rogue skills say more. He was in a happy tone, he wasnt alone. At one point he laughed when the phone got muffled... i heard a womans giggle... but i could also hear the wurring of a motar... so indeed he was on the road, but i highly doubt that he was alone on a bus, let alone the fact that if someone indeed was moving on a bus--they wouldnt be talking to any of the other passengers unless they were doing to same thing or someone kicked the back of thier seat. Later that night he called me... i was sitting there waiting by the phone hoping for the best, biting my toung about the discovery of the woman until later on in the conversation after hearing one story of what happened.... but it changed after i brought it upto him.

Perhaps it will be better if i show the info....
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Posted:     Thu Sep 28, 2006 3:40 pm
Subject:     Please Read

Well, looks like the jig is up. Game has ended before it began, and I'm down and out before the fight started.

I wish you would have told me earlier about what you had written in the letter, but it seems it has arrived too late. The time to talk has far passed now, and I dunno if I can even trust you as a friend anymore.

I'll kindly stay out of your life, and will stop hanging with you to prevent further trouble, but if you wish to talk to me, I'll be in the Library early tomorrow morning. After that, it will be too late, and you'll have to try again at Nutrition, then if you miss that, then you can talk to me after school at the stairs like you used to do.

I wish you, Riki, and whomever you find the best of luck...

Sincerely,
Joel

P.S. So much for surprising you with the promise ring I was going to give you.
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Posted:     Thu Sep 28, 2006 8:58 pm
Subject:     Re: Joel, I'm sorry

woman: I've been thinking of what I've said an im sorry, i really am
I want you to be mine, and only mine
please dont tell me its too late!!!!!

Joey: ... Well, Might have wanted to tell me that earlier too... Now I'ma need to raise money for getting another ring, or a rope and shovel to get the other back I threw into the riverbed... >_<

woman: ring or no ring, i want you to be mine forever
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...i read this every day... i hurt till joey talks to me... and i hope that one day... he will learn to trust me... and i hope that one day he will learn who the true good person is.... the other woman who he is talking to uses men like cleanex... says they are strong, soft,a nd disposeable.... i can't see anyone befriending a person like that... let alone even fall into thier web when here i went and risked my life twice for him and his guild... i went and worked with him for hours just to advance the guild... and im the one who gets to take his place as captain if anything ever happens to him...

...but knowing that he dosnt trust me...

ok, sorry about that last post. physics was just so frustrating that i felt i had to spread the hate to the rest of the world to keep from blowing up. also, for some reason, i am unable to control my temper these days.

anyways, today was better, even though on wednesdays physics lab starts at 8am and lecture ends at 3:30pm. i'm understanding more (though my math has really gone down the drain since high school). and there were actually some really funny parts of class where everyone was laughing.

when i got home i started working on making a few banners and such for this website i'm doing on the neopets website (i know, i know). but it was lots o' fun! i made some pretty cool stuff, well, what i thought was cool since all of my banners in the past consisted of ones i made on flaming text (which is a pretty cool site anyway). so this time, i searched google (or rather, i "googled," since that has become essentially a new english word) for some banner-generating sites. a good one i found was mandarin design, which has a bunch of links to some really awesome free sites. here are a couple of ones that i sort of "made" that link to the website they were for:






i like them a lot better than my old one, which is the first banner on that site (the one with the flames). i have no members in my "guild" yet, but i don't really care, since i'm really just using it to practice anyway. i don't think i'm very good at that table stuff though.

here's a couple ones i made with my name on typo generator. the process is kinda interesting, but it took a while on my computer to generate the images. it may also be that i have a slow internet connection.

im bored so i decided to make a guild on neopets.com its about anime & manga. so if ur a member u can join if u want. nothing else bye!

I sadly play neopets only for making my guild, its a videogame guild but first you have to be a member of neopets, heres a referral program: http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=zorraizz and heres a link to my guild: http://www.neopets.com/guilds/guild.phtml?id=623987