Growing Up @ MindSay 
school
Had it easy? Not really...
I was told today, by someone probably about sixty years my senior, that people from my generation have no respect for their elders because we had it too easy growing up. This came out of the blue, and all I had done was say hello to this person. While I agree that my generation and the ones following me have had it easier due to advances in medicine, technology, and what have you... I don't think many of us had it as easy as some would like to believe.
I grew up with a single mother, living paycheck to paycheck. I lived in a trailer house, wore clothes from Walmart and thrift stores, and learned very early on to be happy with what I had because some people didn't even have a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. I know what it is like to go without... there were times when our cupboards were so bare, we had to go to the food shelf in order to feed ourselves. There were some days when I watched my mother go without eating so that I could have dinner, even if it was just a peanut butter sandwich. I was not the only kid I knew who grew up this way, and I know I will not be the last.
When it came to high school and those advanced math classes where they told you to buy the $200 graphing calculators, I never had one. Occasionally, I would be able to borrow one from a classmate, but the majority of the time, I did all my work longhand to get my answers. And for someone born in the computer age, my house was very behind when it came to technology. I did not own a computer until I was almost 18 years old, which was given to me as a gift, and even then, I did not have the internet. Nor did I have a printer. If I had school work to do, I had to write it out by hand at home, then take it to school to type it up because many of my classes required typed reports. We never had cable tv, only got a DVD player when a friend of mine decided to give me one as a Christmas present, and had to save up for six months so that my mom could buy me a Super Nintendo for my birthday. No, none of these things are necessary, but when I was a kid and everyone else had them, I knew things were different in my house.
There were not many kids around where I grew up, and the ones that were there were little jerks. I didn't have many friends, especially that lived close by. For a few years, I had a friend that lived across the street, but when she moved away with her family, I was on my own again. I learned to entertain myself. I wrote stories, went for walks with my dog, learned to sew from my grandmother, and spent time playing dice with my mom and grandparents. All in all, I realize that I had a good childhood. I had a family that loved me and told me so every chance they got, I had grandparents who would make sure I had a new winter coat and boots every year because they knew my mom couldn't afford it, and I had a mother who would have sacrificed anything she could to make sure that I grew up happy and healthy. In that aspect, things were not hard. Those things made all the hardships easier. I knew we were basically poor, I knew that sometimes we wouldn't have much of anything to eat, and I knew that I had to make due with what I had because we couldn't always afford new school clothes because we had to pay the bills so we could keep our home, our lights on, and our heat running. I started babysitting when I was very young so that I could help bring money into the house.
I realize that there are many people in my generation that seem to have no respect whatsoever for anyone around them, and believe me, I dislike them as much as you do. But the next time you think someone had it so easy growing up, maybe you should pause and think again. I may not have had to get up at 6a.m. to milk cows or walk 7 miles to school in three feet of snow, uphill both ways (My great grandmother used to love telling me those sorts of things about her own childhood), but not everyone had it as easy as you think they did. Maybe that person you're giving that line to grew up like I did.
I grew up with a single mother, living paycheck to paycheck. I lived in a trailer house, wore clothes from Walmart and thrift stores, and learned very early on to be happy with what I had because some people didn't even have a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. I know what it is like to go without... there were times when our cupboards were so bare, we had to go to the food shelf in order to feed ourselves. There were some days when I watched my mother go without eating so that I could have dinner, even if it was just a peanut butter sandwich. I was not the only kid I knew who grew up this way, and I know I will not be the last.
When it came to high school and those advanced math classes where they told you to buy the $200 graphing calculators, I never had one. Occasionally, I would be able to borrow one from a classmate, but the majority of the time, I did all my work longhand to get my answers. And for someone born in the computer age, my house was very behind when it came to technology. I did not own a computer until I was almost 18 years old, which was given to me as a gift, and even then, I did not have the internet. Nor did I have a printer. If I had school work to do, I had to write it out by hand at home, then take it to school to type it up because many of my classes required typed reports. We never had cable tv, only got a DVD player when a friend of mine decided to give me one as a Christmas present, and had to save up for six months so that my mom could buy me a Super Nintendo for my birthday. No, none of these things are necessary, but when I was a kid and everyone else had them, I knew things were different in my house.
There were not many kids around where I grew up, and the ones that were there were little jerks. I didn't have many friends, especially that lived close by. For a few years, I had a friend that lived across the street, but when she moved away with her family, I was on my own again. I learned to entertain myself. I wrote stories, went for walks with my dog, learned to sew from my grandmother, and spent time playing dice with my mom and grandparents. All in all, I realize that I had a good childhood. I had a family that loved me and told me so every chance they got, I had grandparents who would make sure I had a new winter coat and boots every year because they knew my mom couldn't afford it, and I had a mother who would have sacrificed anything she could to make sure that I grew up happy and healthy. In that aspect, things were not hard. Those things made all the hardships easier. I knew we were basically poor, I knew that sometimes we wouldn't have much of anything to eat, and I knew that I had to make due with what I had because we couldn't always afford new school clothes because we had to pay the bills so we could keep our home, our lights on, and our heat running. I started babysitting when I was very young so that I could help bring money into the house.
I realize that there are many people in my generation that seem to have no respect whatsoever for anyone around them, and believe me, I dislike them as much as you do. But the next time you think someone had it so easy growing up, maybe you should pause and think again. I may not have had to get up at 6a.m. to milk cows or walk 7 miles to school in three feet of snow, uphill both ways (My great grandmother used to love telling me those sorts of things about her own childhood), but not everyone had it as easy as you think they did. Maybe that person you're giving that line to grew up like I did.
Andi: Mean Girls are Often Insecure Girls
When I tell people that I grew up like a Cosby Kid, I wasn't lying -- at least not in the socio-economic sense. Unfortunately, my parents weren't as mentally stable and as emotionally fit as Heathcliff and Claire Huxtable. Let's just say we put the FUN in dysFUNctional in my family.
Anyway, there was a side to black yuppie life that was not shown on the Cosby Show and that was the not so positive side of bougie black society. It was not unusual for the children of privileged blacks to be introduced to the world of black cotillions and debutante balls including myself. Most of our parents are members of social sororities and fraternities. This was the case for me and three other girls who lived in my neighborhood.
Hofflyn, Holly and I lived on opposite ends of the street and Andi lived two or three streets behind us. We all went to the same middle school -- Hofflyn was a grade ahead of Holly, Andi and me. To say the four of us were friends would be like saying a nest of vipers was cozy. I dare say there was more back biting and cold bloodedness between the four of us than the afore mentioned nest of vipers. However, we belonged to the same clique because our parents were black folks with money, therefore we were constantly moving in the same circles.
Hofflyn and Holly were not bad as long as Andi wasn't in the picture. When Andi was in the mix, Hofflyn would disappear and Holly would become down right bitchy. Andi was (in her and her mother's mind) the the very essence of what a young black debutante should be, right down to her ash brown hair and caramel colored skin. Boy were she and her mother proud of Andi's "lightness", after all it was the 80's and skintone discrimination amongst blacks was still very much a way of life. Once as we were walking to the neighborhood pool she was literally dousing herself with sunscreen. I mean she was going overboard. I asked her why she was using half a bottle of sunscreen even before we got to the pool and she replied, "Because the sun is out and I don't want to get dark!" Nope -- she wasn't worried about getting sunburned, she was worried about turning a shade darker!
Andi was tall and well built. She'd been in dance classes since she was three years old and she also played the cello. She would often make comparisons about how much harder the cello was than the less sophisticated clarinet. This, she'd often say was the reason why it was easier for me to be first chair clarinet than it was for her to be first chair cello. I would just roll my eyes. My self-esteem wasn't great, but I knew I was constantly first chair clarinet simply because I was damn good, not because the clarinet was easy -- believe me, it isn't!
Sometime in the middle of our seventh grade year, a new boy came to our school who went by the name of Scooby. Scooby was very cute and like most new guys was even cuter because he was new. Imagine my surprise when Scooby started liking me! In my mind I was not that great looking. I was chubby and I had enormous teeth. I had teeth that would put Mr. Ed to shame. Not only that, I was in the band for crying out loud. The only thing that would make me even geekier would be me having to wear dental head gear. It was bad enough I had to wear a retainer at night.
One day Scooby's friend came up to me while Holly, Andi and I were having lunch and said, "Hey, my boy Scooby say he like you." I thought it was some kind of a joke. Holly and Andi looked like they wanted to spit nails. When I asked his friend why Scooby couldn't tell me himself, he replied "He's going to talk to you after fifth period." Sure enough, Scooby approached me at my locker and told me he thought I was really cute. As a matter of fact, he was the guy who gave me one of the most backhanded compliments I've ever gotten in my life which was, "Girl, you are really cute to be dark." I should have known he was a dweeb then, but I digress.
During the whole time Scooby and I were dating (a whole entire month), Andi and Holly became overly interested in our relationship. Holly seemed more interested in what we did, but Andi seemed more interested in Scooby. I knew that she was trying to move in on him, but the funny thing was Scooby just didn't seem interested. Finally one day Holly confessed to me that Andi actually said, "I don't get what he sees in her! She's fat and she isn't that cute!"
Like Andi, both Holly and I were in the dance program except Holly was in beginner dance and I was in the intermediate class. Of course Andi was in the advanced class. Every year we'd have an end of the year dance recital. Our eighth grade year, the teacher chose me and another girl to choreograph a jazz routine to Cameo's "Word Up". I was stoked and the other girl and I worked very hard putting moves together and teaching it to the class. We even designed our costumes. Since break dancing was all the rage, we decided on red tie-dye tees and different variations of black pants or shirts. (Remember it was the 80's!). The night of the recital came and the intermediate dance routine was a hit! We even got a standing ovation! When the recital was over we got lots of compliments and kudos. Even Holly was congratulatory. The next day Andi said, "Ugh, my mom said that your class's dance was just ghetto and low class!" I told her, "Well your mom must've thought that about the entire audience because we got a standing O!" then I walked off mad as hell! Later that day when school let out, Holly and I were waiting for my mother to pick us up, so we started to do dance moves and eventually I showed her some of the choreography from the intermediate class's dance. At one point I went into a double pirouette and stopped. Holly exclaimed, "Wow Micki! You are so freaking pretty, it makes me sick! You like have the most perfect nose!"
Anyway, there was a side to black yuppie life that was not shown on the Cosby Show and that was the not so positive side of bougie black society. It was not unusual for the children of privileged blacks to be introduced to the world of black cotillions and debutante balls including myself. Most of our parents are members of social sororities and fraternities. This was the case for me and three other girls who lived in my neighborhood.
Hofflyn, Holly and I lived on opposite ends of the street and Andi lived two or three streets behind us. We all went to the same middle school -- Hofflyn was a grade ahead of Holly, Andi and me. To say the four of us were friends would be like saying a nest of vipers was cozy. I dare say there was more back biting and cold bloodedness between the four of us than the afore mentioned nest of vipers. However, we belonged to the same clique because our parents were black folks with money, therefore we were constantly moving in the same circles.
Hofflyn and Holly were not bad as long as Andi wasn't in the picture. When Andi was in the mix, Hofflyn would disappear and Holly would become down right bitchy. Andi was (in her and her mother's mind) the the very essence of what a young black debutante should be, right down to her ash brown hair and caramel colored skin. Boy were she and her mother proud of Andi's "lightness", after all it was the 80's and skintone discrimination amongst blacks was still very much a way of life. Once as we were walking to the neighborhood pool she was literally dousing herself with sunscreen. I mean she was going overboard. I asked her why she was using half a bottle of sunscreen even before we got to the pool and she replied, "Because the sun is out and I don't want to get dark!" Nope -- she wasn't worried about getting sunburned, she was worried about turning a shade darker!
Andi was tall and well built. She'd been in dance classes since she was three years old and she also played the cello. She would often make comparisons about how much harder the cello was than the less sophisticated clarinet. This, she'd often say was the reason why it was easier for me to be first chair clarinet than it was for her to be first chair cello. I would just roll my eyes. My self-esteem wasn't great, but I knew I was constantly first chair clarinet simply because I was damn good, not because the clarinet was easy -- believe me, it isn't!
Sometime in the middle of our seventh grade year, a new boy came to our school who went by the name of Scooby. Scooby was very cute and like most new guys was even cuter because he was new. Imagine my surprise when Scooby started liking me! In my mind I was not that great looking. I was chubby and I had enormous teeth. I had teeth that would put Mr. Ed to shame. Not only that, I was in the band for crying out loud. The only thing that would make me even geekier would be me having to wear dental head gear. It was bad enough I had to wear a retainer at night.
One day Scooby's friend came up to me while Holly, Andi and I were having lunch and said, "Hey, my boy Scooby say he like you." I thought it was some kind of a joke. Holly and Andi looked like they wanted to spit nails. When I asked his friend why Scooby couldn't tell me himself, he replied "He's going to talk to you after fifth period." Sure enough, Scooby approached me at my locker and told me he thought I was really cute. As a matter of fact, he was the guy who gave me one of the most backhanded compliments I've ever gotten in my life which was, "Girl, you are really cute to be dark." I should have known he was a dweeb then, but I digress.
During the whole time Scooby and I were dating (a whole entire month), Andi and Holly became overly interested in our relationship. Holly seemed more interested in what we did, but Andi seemed more interested in Scooby. I knew that she was trying to move in on him, but the funny thing was Scooby just didn't seem interested. Finally one day Holly confessed to me that Andi actually said, "I don't get what he sees in her! She's fat and she isn't that cute!"
*******
Like Andi, both Holly and I were in the dance program except Holly was in beginner dance and I was in the intermediate class. Of course Andi was in the advanced class. Every year we'd have an end of the year dance recital. Our eighth grade year, the teacher chose me and another girl to choreograph a jazz routine to Cameo's "Word Up". I was stoked and the other girl and I worked very hard putting moves together and teaching it to the class. We even designed our costumes. Since break dancing was all the rage, we decided on red tie-dye tees and different variations of black pants or shirts. (Remember it was the 80's!). The night of the recital came and the intermediate dance routine was a hit! We even got a standing ovation! When the recital was over we got lots of compliments and kudos. Even Holly was congratulatory. The next day Andi said, "Ugh, my mom said that your class's dance was just ghetto and low class!" I told her, "Well your mom must've thought that about the entire audience because we got a standing O!" then I walked off mad as hell! Later that day when school let out, Holly and I were waiting for my mother to pick us up, so we started to do dance moves and eventually I showed her some of the choreography from the intermediate class's dance. At one point I went into a double pirouette and stopped. Holly exclaimed, "Wow Micki! You are so freaking pretty, it makes me sick! You like have the most perfect nose!"
"Huh?" I asked. I was shocked. "What? Who me? I'm not really pretty. I mean, I'm okay, but I know I'm fat and stuff." "I think Andi is pretty. She has a nice nose."I should have been flattered by this and I was, but not as much as I was shocked by it. It really was hard for me to see that Andi was jealous of me! I never saw myself as someone who would invoke jealousy from another person, especially someone like Andi. I was just a chubby girl with big teeth right? The lesson I learned from Andi was that often when someone is continuously adversarial toward you, the problem isn't you, it's them. In my mind, there was no reason for her to be jealous of me, but she saw plenty of reasons. I also realized that by her being jealous of me, I had the power to make her feel even more insecure. She was lucky that the school year was nearly over and we were moving on to different high schools. I used that knowledge to my advantage every time she got on my nerves. After finding out she was jealous of me, whenever she would say something mean, I would casually mention something I knew would make her feel mediocre like the fact that I made the All City Band / Orchestra and would be performing at Herman Park that summer. Hey, I never said I was an angel!
"Oh please!" said Holly. "You are way prettier than Andi and she knows it. That's why she's always saying mean things about you. Besides, I think she has a long witch nose!"
"Really?"
"Totally! Andi is the kind of person who thinks she's better than everyone, but it pisses her off that she isn't better than you. You make better grades than her, people like you and you are way cuter than she is. She's just a jealous bitch!"
older
Yeah, yeah. it's really cliche to take a break from something like this for a while and talk about how old you feel and how time is moving so fast and i wish things would slow down. Except for the first part, that's not what you're going to get here.
I'm 22 in about two months. Jesus, that freaks the hell out of me. I was barely starting to get comfortable with being 21. It's like things are just starting to make sense. You can do mostly what you want and the life you see and imagine is coming together into this weird little pre-adulthood. I like drinking, I've developed a taste for beer. I like dating and I've begun to cultivate what will eventually be my idea of a life-mate. I've got more school and more little embossed papers under my arm than I did a few years ago. I've got a nice little job, a nice little social group, a nice little bar i hang out at and things feel like they will be just fine.
For some reason, time doesn't seem to be working right. Being twenty-one has lasted ages and ages. This status-quo feels like it has been for years. I can't imagine life being different except for, in the back of my mind, the voice that reminds me of how it was before. The things i accept as patterns and givens have only really rooted down in my life in the last year. That sense of TV time has given me a weird sense of invuneralbility, that this is how things have always been and they will stay this way forever. I'm indifferent to this. I like things they way they are, it's great. If they changed, I'm fine with that because I know it'll be fun either way. Life has a nice habit of working out, at least in small ways.
-krista
I'm 22 in about two months. Jesus, that freaks the hell out of me. I was barely starting to get comfortable with being 21. It's like things are just starting to make sense. You can do mostly what you want and the life you see and imagine is coming together into this weird little pre-adulthood. I like drinking, I've developed a taste for beer. I like dating and I've begun to cultivate what will eventually be my idea of a life-mate. I've got more school and more little embossed papers under my arm than I did a few years ago. I've got a nice little job, a nice little social group, a nice little bar i hang out at and things feel like they will be just fine.
For some reason, time doesn't seem to be working right. Being twenty-one has lasted ages and ages. This status-quo feels like it has been for years. I can't imagine life being different except for, in the back of my mind, the voice that reminds me of how it was before. The things i accept as patterns and givens have only really rooted down in my life in the last year. That sense of TV time has given me a weird sense of invuneralbility, that this is how things have always been and they will stay this way forever. I'm indifferent to this. I like things they way they are, it's great. If they changed, I'm fine with that because I know it'll be fun either way. Life has a nice habit of working out, at least in small ways.
-krista
I feel like a bad sister.
I was talking to my little brother lastnight he had just had another hockey game (he's like playing year round for whatever group he can since like age 7.. obsession) he was telling me how he'd scored a hat trick n such glorious moments of the game, and how he may be going onto regionals depending on how this sunday's game goes. I felt a twinge of guilt, I cant even remember the last game I've been to... I used to go to ALL OF THEM, make dorky shirts with his number on them and everything.. now we barely even talk about the games. Officially I am making a more sincere effort to attend more games agian, I've been putting my social life infront of my family and I don't really like how that makes me feel. True my friends are my family, but I owe it to my natural family to accept n interact with them as such family.
I was taken back by how much he reminds me of my big brother, their build, mannerisms, tendancies to trim their facial hair in weird ways, he'd just shaved a lightning bolt into his beard before i saw him hahaha so dorky. It's crazy how big he is... how hes a real person now with friends and his own social network with drama and bliss... my little baby brother is all grown up and I feel like I havent been a good sibbling... were all really spaced out its like my mom had two seperate litters of kids.. and him being the yougnest the closest hes got is me, and im hardly around.. in my defense i cart him and his friends around when i can and help him sneak out of the house to go to a friends or buy toilet paper for such nightime activities..
I dunno... something to consider i guess.. something to work on. My older sister had done a facebook thing, 25 things u dont know about me, and my mom printed it and highlighted number 9. I wish i had a better relationship with my sibblings. that was like another stab. I feel responsible for my sibblings not feeling like we've got a connection, but as one of the middle children it's not my fault both my sibblings were out of the house before I really had memories or was 'cool' ... so how do we piece together a relationship now that were all scattered all over the state and have our 'complex busy lives' ... why do I feel the need to bear the burden of these statements n feelings, relationships are two way streets... maybe I'll go e mail her n see how her day was.
When I grow up, I wanna be...
I was just thinking today of back when I was younger all the things I always wanted to be and it made me kind of laugh.
I remember being really small, maybe eight-ish? And had watched Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome and had decided I was gonna change my name to Max Traxx ('cause it sounded so awesome back then, heheh) and be a renegade.
Later I decided after I discovered Super Mario Bros. that I was going to make games with Nintendo when I grew up when I was about 10. I actually stuck with that until I was about 16 when I discovered genetics. I knew then that wanted to get a degree in microbiology and/or genetics, and knew that I'd be able to be the first scientist to achieve immortality with the aide of a well manufactured retro virus and knowledge of the right amino acids after they mapped the human genome... god, what I a geek I was (or am, :P)!
After high school, having the great parents I had I tried my hand as an author and started writing a book. Got pretty far too, about 318 pages before I had accidentally deleted it one night. Reformatted my computer because it was on the fritz, unfortunately I was a little buzzed and totally forgot about the book. Had the beginning of it on a disc but had stopped saving it regularly after about 100 pages... don't know why.
Then I packed up what I could and gave the rest away, driving out to California to make a new start. After working for only a while, I decided I was going to join the military and live a life of adventure. Yeah... only lasted about nine months.
All these dreams and all I've got to show for it are two effing cats! :P
That and the love of my life... but thats it!
I remember being really small, maybe eight-ish? And had watched Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome and had decided I was gonna change my name to Max Traxx ('cause it sounded so awesome back then, heheh) and be a renegade.
Later I decided after I discovered Super Mario Bros. that I was going to make games with Nintendo when I grew up when I was about 10. I actually stuck with that until I was about 16 when I discovered genetics. I knew then that wanted to get a degree in microbiology and/or genetics, and knew that I'd be able to be the first scientist to achieve immortality with the aide of a well manufactured retro virus and knowledge of the right amino acids after they mapped the human genome... god, what I a geek I was (or am, :P)!
After high school, having the great parents I had I tried my hand as an author and started writing a book. Got pretty far too, about 318 pages before I had accidentally deleted it one night. Reformatted my computer because it was on the fritz, unfortunately I was a little buzzed and totally forgot about the book. Had the beginning of it on a disc but had stopped saving it regularly after about 100 pages... don't know why.
Then I packed up what I could and gave the rest away, driving out to California to make a new start. After working for only a while, I decided I was going to join the military and live a life of adventure. Yeah... only lasted about nine months.
All these dreams and all I've got to show for it are two effing cats! :P
That and the love of my life... but thats it!
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