Great Friend @ MindSay

I wrote a poem that kinda took me a while to do. Some lines are hard to say, don't make alot of sense, and don't flow so it's not 100% finished. Let me know what you think.



Though at this time my journey's young
I've stumbled 'cross the desert strong
which weakens me and makes me fall
victim to this dreadful sorrow.

I would not known it to be mean
were it not for the forest green
that I had traversed just before
the land turned to an awful scorn.

To some it turns when money's short
or perhaps when divorce and court
encroaches on a family
and never 'gain a dad to see.

To others yet it may not come
except until a mother's son
becomes among the fallen ones
and departs with the sound of guns.

To me it came from a friend dear
who towards me had been so sincere
and made me feel great belonging
I 'for then ne'er felt like singing

But then came the great tide of change
those good feelings could not remain
when my friend so good, so dear
turned off that kindness and the cheer.


Then the forest turned to ocean
of vast dirt, sand, and emotion
overwhelming sadness has stood
and now a longing for the woods.

Which longing now I still have kept
For a friend for whom I have wept
The sadness and the mis'ry brought
has mostly been to me in thoughts

I know it is not my friend's fault
when oblivious to this assault
and perhaps I can live to be
free from all of this misery.

Someday I'm sure my friend will know
of all the things that brought sorrow
and know at least why I was sad
and perhaps then it won't be bad.

Until then though I mustn't dwell
on sorrow so I say 'Oh, Well'
the longing for my friend's still there
and now live with suppressed despair

The desert's strong and so it's true
that some may not at all get through
but on the horizon I see
a brand new set of luscious trees.

And sure it's true that I've not seen
not ten percent of this journey
I ponder now back in those woods
the happy place where I once stood.

And so I look at memories
and never forget those green trees
nor I forget the gentle breeze
that came from lack of great unease.

My friend so dear so kind so great
who I once considered my best mate
no matter what the current state proves
has changed my life and thats the truth.

Well, WOW! HAven't blogged in such a long time! WOW!

Well me and David are NOT goping out anymore. it's been like 2 months single now. YEah I'm STILL crying over it. CAll me pathetic.. GEESH! Well, Lets get to the point of why I'm bloggin again...

 

K so. I have this 'friend'. He is a toalt jerk and he even will admit to it.

He treats me like shit and I tell my other friends and they tell me he doesn't mean it and he loves me. HAHA! Funniest thinkg I've heard in my life.

 

So I don't know if I hate him or if I can just deal with him.

Wow, If he sees this his ego will be thorugh THE ROOF!

That'll be great. One more thing to tease Jen about. Gosh, If he found this blog I would probably kill myself.

I know I just try to take what he says and all, but I do get angry and hit him up a bit. (Like it hurts, I can hurt a fly.) But still, he angers me so much and frankly, I don't wanna be his friend anymore. That would be virtually impossible. He's everywhere and if I wasn't freinds with him. I'd lose like all of my freinds cause he always hangs out with them. Except my few friends who don't hang out with him because they all hate him. Now I understand why! He teases me constantly and yeah I'm not pretty, and I'm over weight but still. Don't rub it in my face. He has no problem with my sister. Just me. And I have no fucking idea why. Not the slightest clue.

 

A friend of mine wrote a suicide letter. Nice way to change the topic. She told me she almost killed herself the other night. She is the only person who actually understands me and doesn't tlak about me behind my back. Well, she does. BUT In a good way. Her friends are always telling me about all the nice thingks she says about me and It's extremely flattering but, If she would have killed herself. My life would have gone down the drain. FOR GOOD. Like I've dealt with A LOT of crap in my life in the past few years but that, would be the most devastationg thing. I wouldn't even be able to go to her funeral because she doesn't live anywhere near me. She is truely my best friend. Sorry to you people reading this but that;s the truth and sometimes the truth sucks don't it?

 

Like my sister. UHG! Where should I start on her? Seriously. i love her to bits but I really don't think she's too keen with me.

 

Anyways, I HAD a very big crush on a friend of mine. It was the first real crush since I broke up with David. (haha BIG MISTAKE!) And my 'friend' goes and tells her boyfriend (David's best friend) and like that is SO SHADY! I finally try ot get over David and she goes and fucking tells him. So now we are only aquaintances. I think.

 

But seriously. Life is kind of treating me like crap right now. I'm not trying to drag attention to myself because, trust me, that's the last thing I want right now.  I just don't have a lot of people I can really trust. Cause when I explain what's wrong they say 'Wow, i don't know what to say...BUT (Oh, here's the kicker) I'm here for you to help you with everything!' Well, If you don't know what to say HOW THE HELL CAN YOU HELP ME!? If anyone knows how that works please tell me!

 

So me and David's mom are really great friends and we try to talk and see eachother but It's uber hard. Because I'm usually busy. But I love her to bits and pieces.

 

But I have to finish straightening my hair, and get off to bed. I'll try to message again soon.

 

Sincerely,

Me.

Today i had the day off, which was great, and what makes it better i have tomorrow off.
I spoke to a really good friend who i am meeting up with in New York when i go there, but what really hurts is i know that i have a a friend who is very close to my heart is going to be a couple of hours away when i am in LA, and i have not  seen in 7 years. Does not have the time to come down to visit me, and has the thought that it would be creepy if i was to go up to see him.  I know that a family member is not well, and that he is studing, but could he not visit me just for one day. I guess i shouldnt let him be the highlight of my trip.
I have not heard from my friend for a couple of months, when i told them that i was coming over and it would be great to catch up.
I know that i thought i might have feelings for them, but i wont really know until i see them. I guess that could scare him. What ever their problem it is not my problem to own.
The question i ask myself, am i upset that i dont have their friendship that i dont i had, did i ever have their friendship?
who knows

Monday November 13th

about 1230pm

I grabbed my bookbag, set it on a chair, oh yea i was gonna get some lotion.

Unzipped the front part of my bookbag and stuck my hand in. My friend says Missy whats the look for? I say in reply theres something wet and cold in my bookbag. i take my hand out and the wet and cold mass is something white on my fingers on my left hand. I look at it and my friend says ewww............. I smell it and say oh i think its my lotion. So I get ready to put it on me when another friend B walks over and says what are you guys doing? Friend A says Missy is gonna be rubbing a mysterious white substance thats cold and wet onto her body. I say w00t yea it makes my skin feel soft and smooth and its great!!!!

and so the story gets told around that I like white cold and wet mysterious substances rubbed all over my body when really it was just my lotion that exploded.

Hey! Sorry I haven't written anything for a while. But on December 2nd, my friend from camp came to my house to go to one of my school dances. When the dance was about half over, Jeff asked me out. We were dancing all night. I didn't want the day to end. But it did. *tear* Well he is a great guy, so yea. He is my little skater, and my little skittle king, which makes me his little skittle queen.