Good Life @ MindSay 
life is good
I know, I know it has been forever since you heard from yours truly and for that I am sorry. I will say that I have missed blogging a little. I really miss reading everyone's thoughts and such the most. I have been in-cog-Negro (yes I still think that is funny Myclette ) because I have been working some crazy lovely hours at the Bookstore as the Merchandise Manager and let me tell you the book signings alone are enough to make you rip out your hair. The authors range from extremely nice and independent (they come equipped and ready to sell their books rather than just sitting there waiting for people to spontaneously become interested in their take on the great American novel) to the lousy ones who are so dull that people pass by their table and nod off unexpectedly or they are so abrupt that folks literally block their faces in anticipation of a slap.
Anyway, since my readership has dwindled due to my own absentia I suppose I am more free to just write without constraint.
It was not my intention to take such a long hiatus but life outside of these cyber-walls beckoned and I had no choice but to answer the call.
My dream of living the writing life is being realized and I have been spending countless hours of my life submerged in that reality.
The good news is that with all of the work and research and sweat that comes with that life I still know unequivocally and without a doubt that it is the life I want.
Better news is that the shell I wore for so long has dissolved under the solvent of my new existence.
Contentment is a hard word for me to use in connection with my life sometimes. Not only because it seems so elusive sometimes (what with me feeling as though I never have enough of what I want) but because it signals the apex or phoenix of good things, good times and good people to come. So no I wont say that I am content in the sense that I have all that I want or need. I will say that swimming through my own psyche and acknowledging who I am has brought me a measure of spiritual and emotional contentment. For that I have to be eternally grateful to the world around me that has allowed me to slow down and find myself in the great big show that is ME.
I know this may seem like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo to some but to others it will be a mirror of their own thoughts and emotions.
So here I am, a published writer (short stories in small magazines right now but keep your eyes peeled for the Sovereign Chronicles), a good person with big heart and honest nature; a flawed individual, unafraid to admit the wrongs I have done and the people I have hurt. In turn I have forgiven a number of people who have hurt me. I can honestly say that I have let it all go.
Dont get me wrong I committed some acts of revenge in the beginning and oh how those acts will affect those people! I am not proud of my behavior and I wont even say that I wish I had not done it. I will say that I wish I had been a better person then and better equipped to deal with what had been dealt to me, but at the time I most assuredly wasn't. So I took a break and looked completely at who I used to be and who I had become and here I am.
But ultimately I didn't compromise my morals, I stayed true to those I committed myself to and most importantly I did not Settle for what I thought was the best I could do--thinking back now I cant even remotely believe that I was going to stop where I was now that I am here...whew! Talk about dodging bullets!
Anyway I am going to be back to writing my healthy living nonsense over here at The House of Environgirl and giving my 2 cents on the ways of the world and for anyone who stumbles over here I would like to say that you are welcome and if you say howdy I will most certainly say howdy back!
Be safe be true and honor your commitments, Karma will let you know what they are!
Goddess Bless
how the show "scrubs" makes me cry sometimes...in short, passover isn't happening at reanna's n she said she'd call me if they did something else, but she doubted it...
see, that was one of the things i liked about hanging out w/ cyn n albert, even before we got together, even before i knew cyn liked me: we always hung out, even if there was "nothing going on" persay. we could still just kick it n watch a movie or drink or get high or sometimes do none of the above n just hang out. apparently that doesn't work for reanna, probably because she doesn't like driving me home at night, even tho cyn n albert never had a problem w/ that, n i don't like crashing there. i've said it on here before, i just feel uncomfortable with sleeping in another person's home n cyn n albert seemed to understand that. before we got together i crashed over there a total of three times out of all of the times i hung out there: 1 night i slept on the couch, 1 night i slept in their bed w/ cyn n albert slept in the spare room on his cot (that's the first time i saw cyn's boobs!), 1 night that i slept in bed with both of them after me n albert had been up until 4am watching movies n drinking n he'd told me about how they'd wanted a gf n how it was cyn's idea n all of that n he'd spent the night cuddling with cyn n then that morning she got up to get ready n then he cuddled up next to me...n then i struggled with either grinding against his genitals the way i love doing to boys or going n throwing up cuz i'd had a little too much rum n coke that night, (it was actually the thought of drinking more soda that made me sick, not the rum), n thanx to our convo that night i chose the former...i spent most of the night talking about boundries just to get hot n bothered dry humping a married man
anyway...watching "scrubs," or at least certain episodes, have always made me cry n i kno i've mentioned that on here before. but damn, life experience...some of these episodes hit closer to home that ever, n i've only been watching the first season cuz that's the only one i have on DVD...but hearin this song is what finally did it:
"Softly now,
You owe it to the world
And everyone knows that you're my favourite girl
But there's some things in life that are not meant to be
I'm not meant for you and your not meant for me
Here's to our problems
And here's to our fights
Here's to our achings
And here's to you having a good life
From me
Good life
Softer now,
You owe it to yourself
And don't think that you will be left on the shelf
Cause there's someone for you and there's someone for me
Like me you'll meet them eventually
Here's to your lover
And here's to my wife
Here's to your children and here's to you having a good life
From me
Good life
Baby baby baby baby
Baby baby Baby Baby Baby Baby
Louder now,
You've lost all your pain
You're married with children and happy again
And now I'm regretting the move that I made
Fatal mistakes are so easily made
Enough of my problems they only cause fights
Forget that I rang you
And promise you'll have such a
Beautifully happy and painlessly romantic
Good life
From me
Good life"
Francis Dunnery- "Good Life"
maybe its also because the last time i drank this much bailey's was when cyn took me to the rave in eureka during the first weekend of november...maybe its because i'd also listened to cascada's "piece of heaven" earlier, n damn has that song taken on a whole new meaning since albert was forced to break up with me...n its weird, cuz there's maybe two or three lines in this whole song that make me remotely think of albert. really, this song makes me think of nam more than anything else...n yet, it still hurts, still rings so true from my perspective.
on another note, my job is going good, from here to the end of november, all my checks are MINE!!! i have no payments. I don't want to become an adult yet, i am sooooo not ready for those freaken payments. I'll have my man do that for me :)
i'm so freaken happy on the inside, and only i know why!!! yay!!! a sense of warmth has overcome me since about last week, and it feels too good to be true...i told the ex, and he's happy too!!! yay us!!! we're awesome, i wonder if we'll ever look back and say "what the fuck were we thinking???" but for now all is good, i just wish it could be like this more often. o well that's what life is for, to live and learn and repeat.
i love my babe!!! he's awesome...it's just sad that he's so far away...but some day, i'll have him by my side!!!
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that layed him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains...
Strange these days are and so they shall be until I find myself a regular type schedule. In these day being that I do not have be as mobile as I was in the past, I do believe that my PDA will get a much-deserved rest and I shall once again return to doing my mobile computing upon my laptop. This could possible have some plus sides to it for all materials I have and need for all of my Web design projects are contained therein and having to use the old-timey ThinkPad 600 will force me to look at them once again...
And so another chapter in this thing I call life has begun. Where the road will lead me I do not know though it will lead me somewhere that I could not have predicted just one week ago...
'Tis quite a good thing to have folks that you would least expect step up and offer assistance if it is require. "You know, George, you had a wonderful life." That seems to be popping up within my cranium at the moment. And it is true. It is so easy to cast a negative shadow upon the world as we see it, but the shadow often conceals all the good that is in this existence...
My last official act at my former primary job was to return my keys, turn in my security badge, and clean out my locker. This was accomplished on the daylight shift. And it is amazing to me that so many folks hugged me or shook my hand, many of whom I had not seen in 5 or 6 years though we worked in the same building of 130 or so employees. Was a good thing indeed to know that those at the plebe level such as myself respected me for how I handled the situation. The end was nigh and I did not self-destruct the way in which many have given similar circumstances. I did not take my feelings out upon those who surround me. I did not try to take others with me. I accepted the fact that things would change, I stated politely my feelings on all concerns, and that was that...
There is absolutely no reason to fight a war that one cannot win. There is no reason to martyr oneself for a cause that in the long term is meaningless. There is no reason to loss one's dignity when admitting defeat...
And for a brief period in my life, I have the freedom to sit and enjoy the world that surrounds me. I can take the time ponder the deeper things in this life. I have been granted an unscheduled vacation when I need it must to recharge my internal batteries and regain the life I once had before I have to step back into the ring of the working class hero...
This is the Word of the AntiCrust...
Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...
You are good to me,
And I delight myself in You,
You are wonderful, my Lord,
My Hope, My Joy, my life.
You are good to me,
You guide me tenderly,
You are Faithful and True,
And everyday Your mercy's new.
You are good to me,
Your grace to me abounds,
There is none like You,
In You abundant life is found.
You are good to me,
Your promises are always true,
What You've spoken You perform,
In Your perfect time.
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