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Is that wierd?
So I told him he smelt good on his own without any product smells and scents. And he goes to have a shower and doesn't bring his shampoo or anything, and I ask him why, and he says, well you said you like it better without.

Does that seem wierd to you? I mean I know he's silly, but I didn't think he'd actually go to the shower and not use his shampoo and stuff, just because I said he smells good scent-free.

This was a long time ago, but it's been in my head a few times, along with some other things but I can't think of them right now. I can't find any information on any disorder it might be, maybe he's just silly.

He went back to using it after, but I still find it wierd he'd do that, just because I said that!

Thoughts?
 
 
   
 

"I care about you and want to make you happy"
So restless. I love you. I have to wait. I'm so afraid. I didn't think I could let someone in again. You snuck in, you sneaky thing. And I might lose you like I lost him. I couldn't take it. I know you care about me but something is scaring or worrying you, holding you back. It might be what I did. It might just be you. I'll wait. You're worth it. You stuck with me all this time, even last year when I was often horrible. And I guess it's my turn. You're the one I want. No one else.

Your definition of love: I care about you and want to make you happy.
 
 
 

   
A Good Friend, at L(e)ast
For anyone who's been following me all these years, you know I have never changed my blog design.

Well, I decided to. I feel like I'm no longer in a cave. Which might mean darkness, restriction, the past.

Or at least I'm trying not to be.

I've been even surprising myself in my courage to be more social, and fight my anxiety. It's definately been difficult. Sometimes I'm still afraid to come out of my room, but I've been forcing myself to more and more.

And I have this wonderful friend, Tito, who treats me so good and makes me very happy.

He's finally explained everything! He says that he was trying to fight liking me, because I was in love with someone else. And it made him angry, so he got annoyed with me more and more about little things.

He apologized for keeping me in the dark, and hurting me, saying the mean things he did. And I apologized for having confused and hurt him. We both agree that we're both at fault.

He says he's not ready for a relationship yet, considering how things have turned out and his communication, but I don't know if I am either, so I think that's good.

I told him that I don't know if I want a relationship either, but I know that I really like him and would be sad and jealous if he was with anyone else. He said the same about me :3

So things are finally good again with him, and that is such a relief. <3

I don't know if I love him. I don't know if I love anyone. I don't know if I want to love anyone right now, or again. I don't know if I can. I just don't know.

But I do have hope that things will get better soon. I don't need to figure it all out right now. I'll just try to have fun.

Though, I don't know what fun I'll have with my friends who are all busy with their other halves. Since I've gotten back from university, my friends havent even talked to me. :/

One friend did, and invited me to a party but I was sick. And he hasnt called since, even though he said he would.

And another friend said he'd take me out for a drink to celebrate my birthday which was a bit ago, but he never called.

I can hope to make new friends, I guess.

I've made some acquaintances at university, besides Tito. I had made some friends, and they decided to start ignoring me. And some friends I made just don't have time for me any more, and seem to be trying to faze me out.

Sigh.

Making friends seems to be easy, but keeping them is completely different...

I'm so glad Tito has stayed. He's so mature. And really, he had more reason than any of them to stop being my friend. He probably thought I was leading him on, which is just cruel. But he was understanding...

Oh Tito, I'm so glad I have you <3
 
 
   
 

Just can't seem to bother
I had hoped it would be something really good...


...but I guess I'll settle for "not horrible like usual".

I find myself not caring anymore.

About anything.
 
 
 

   
Dream
Hello, dream day? Today was you. Even with Claudia out; the new sub was…Del….Bosely. She was nice, but she talked very loud. I gave her the usual ‘they might be crazy today’ speech, but they were ridiculous. Ridiculously calm! Wow. I taught them to play Palace, and that lasted until 9:30; half an hour longer than warm up is supposed to, but when everyone’s having fun and behaving, you shorten your reading period. A had a quick freak when it came time to have to read/sheet, but he calmed down. He’s actually really good at finding the nouns in a sentence; tomorrow we start verbs.

Cash-in also went well. A’s can was WAY off, but I sorted it all out. I gave him the warning that if he whined ONCE about signing off, computer was off the menu the rest of the day. He whined but when I reminded him he stopped IMMEDIATELY; and then 2nd cash-in’s end, we didn’t even have to go over. I said, ‘sign off’ and I turned around a minute later and he was logging off. Doesn’t seem like a big deal but with this kid…let’s put it this way, I wrote home about it. In his communication log today, along with how well he did reading AND math, it says, ‘A signed off the computer when he was asked’. If we don’t celebrate the victories, even the teensy baby steps that if a gen. Ed kid did I wouldn’t even blink, I think I’d go insane. It was so small, but it’s such an issue for him, I was as proud as could be.

To be honest, all 3 were so good ALL day. They cashed-in for a movie this afternoon, which means AGAIN, no Social Studies. It was probably a good afternoon because there wasn’t any academic stress, but it was also important that to get a movie, they ALL had to agree to spend money on it, and then they all agreed on what to watch. That’s social skills, people! Actually, E did not like what happened with the vote; he wanted to watch something else, and he was out-voted. Instead of having a cow, he went into break room to hang out by himself for a while. He even said he’d pay for the movie even though he wasn’t watching; he came out about half an hour in and half-watched, but that was some SUPER maturity on his part.

Jerry’s group proved to be too much. We were pretending we had toxic waste to move out of a circle. It was very similar to the cups and rubberbands game we played a few weeks ago, where 2 or more people had to pull their strings tight to tighten the rubberband to pick the cup up. Eventually, they were willing to follow my train of thought that we needed to all work together, but we never got around to really trying my hypothesis out. They also started to get very mad at A, cursing and some threats. Apparently, it’s Jerry. Which is weird, because they LOVE him, but the group or the cooperation, or it being the end of the day… not a good half hour for us. Tomorrow’s the pizza party, though, and I have high hopes for it.  D especially.  I mean, this is several weeks in a row that he's lost it during that last half hour on Wednesdays.  We thought it was because we invited the 6th graders in that one time, but they haven't been back since, but he still loses it.  I wonder why that is.  I also wonder if he'll be in tomorrow; he was complaining at recess that he felt dizzy, but refused a trip to the nurse.  He slept briefly during silent reading, and Parker said that when he touched his forehead, it was warm.  Again, wouldn't go to the nurse (I told mom about it).  Who knows. 
 
 
   
 

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