God @ MindSay

So,

My life has been turned upside down.

I got caught sneaking out.
I should have seen it coming.

Right now, my parents don't trust me,
trip to Europe is questionable, a car when
I'm 16 is doubtful, I cannot go out of the house,

not even to church. Internet is banned (except
for right now, obviously), my hot water was

turned off for awhile ... I got that back, thankfully.
No phone calls, no socialization, no civilization,
no dating until I'm 102 years old.
The list goes on...

What hurts me the most is the fact that my parents
don't trust me anymore.

I look into my fathers eyes, and where I once

saw things like Trust, love, & support - I now see

shame and dissappointment.

And this time, it's all my fault.


I want to update sometime soon, but
I don't know when it will be.
I want to let you all know a little bit more
than what this entry says. This is just the basics.
I want to let you know what I feel, and how I'm doing...
because that's what I need to talk about.

However, I need to get off right now.

I hope to be on again soon.

-Karolyn-

Underoath + As cities burn + Since by man + Poison the well =
concert on my 16th birthday!!

I am very excited about this. What a way to bring in
sweet sixteen! This is what I need.

The only thing is, it's not until May.

 

While I am on the subject of concerts, I must say that
I am very distraught because Showbread's black unicorn tour has
no dates posted for anywhere near me, so far.

I guess there will be more tours, but I just love me some showbread.
He is legend, too!? ... So sad.

I really want to see The honorary Title play a show sometime,
but I guess I'll have to wait for that, too.

I must confess that I have ripped off F.F.T.L. by
downloading some of their yet to be released CD.
I also burnt it onto a disc.

I know I'll buy it when it comes out though.
Oh, Heroine.

_____________________
______________________
______________________

He still doesn't get it. I am starting to get a little
upset. Last night he was trying to hold my hand and
touch my legs, and finally I just said "DON'T TOUCH ME".
He's not my boyfriend.

Natalie... I have no updates on Natalie.
Please keep praying for her.

It's kind of annoying sometimes because
Roxanne and I are like the same person.
Well, it's weird because we are both VERY alike,
and yet VERY different at the same time.
Well ... we think the same way on alot of subjects.
Normally stupid subjects, but subjects nonetheless.
Like, the weekend before last I went shopping and bought
a cheap denim mini skirt and got footless tights and flats
to wear them with, and then I was talking to her on the
phone and she told me that she was planning on getting
the same thing (without the flats ... she doesn't wear those),
before I even mentioned it. Funny stuff.

I don't know if I've told you guys yet, but I have a new best
guy friend. His name is Albert, he's hispanic, and we get along
very well. But not like ... romantically well. No way Jose.

Anyway, he reminds me of Pedro from napoleon Dynamite.
Actually he doesn't. I just like saying that he does.

The people in my town are so idiotic. I'm just so over
most of them. I have no desire to know most of them. EVER.
So, my supposed old friend, Jonathan (the druggie one... remember?)
hates me now, and no one knows why. Some
people think it's because I'm "changing" this one guy,
and so now Jonathan keeps getting online and
saying things like

"F*ck off B*tch"

and other things along that line, and then he
just gets off. He is so dramatic, and it's actually
quite funny to watch him be this way - but i'm still
confused as to why he is so pissed at me.

I need new clothes.
Badly.
now.

Well, i'm going to end this crappy entry.
I do like writing random ones though.

Always have, always will.

Fill me in on what's going on with you.
-karolyn-

EDIT: This guy "Albert" ends up being my first real relationship. He is the one I will write about for the next.. 2 years. -1/30/2012

Oh. Your. GOD!!! "Mad" isn't the word. I didn't get angry, I think the closest I could come to what I felt in words is "dumbfounded" as in, I can't believe the dumb I just founded. According to this 18 year old black, obviously Christian (most likely Baptist) young man, the ancient Egyptians were evil because they worshiped the sun. We were in a 3-person conversation about religion. The chimpanzee (nothing to do with race, I'm black too mind you, he really does remind me of one) was talking about Adam and eve, Jesus, and all that other happy horse crap. I asked him, "What about the people that came before them? What about the ancient civilizations, like the ancient Egyptians?" He said, "They were evil. They worshiped the sun, and the rain, and whatnot." The other one, I'll call Young Grasshopper, answered saying, "They just didn't know." [they were not evil, they just didn't know about Jesus] He also believes in reincarnation. He's on his way. But the chimpanzee will stay where he stays, I can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice, and feel it in my eternal soul (that may very well have been here since the time of the evil Satan-worshiping Ancient Egyptians). I know people do it all the time, but seriously, how can you say someone is evil because they don't believe what you believe? Doesn't that spit right in the face of the notion of all these religions being peaceful, accepting, loving, and universalist? 

How interesting it has been to read my past blogs for the last hour or so.  I think that the most interesting thing is that my views of life/death have changed little even through all the life I've lived these past 6 years.  It's almost as if everything I believe in has only been affirmed by things I've seen, emotions I've felt, and choices I have made.  Don't get me wrong, I have changed as an individual and have gotten soft in my age.  Time has a way of making water out of an ice cube and it has done so with my head and heart. 

I have dearly missed blogging and feeling an odd level of connection with complete strangers.  On the other hand, I have attended many alcohol laden parties which kindly took the place of my blogging.  Also, I have become an avid mass transit user and for some reason people generally want to share their story with me.  It's pretty amazing.   

With that said, I will be blogging some of the things I've learned these past few years from the amazing people I have met.  Without the awesome experiences I have had, meeting the people I have met, I feel that I wouldn't be as enlightened as I am today.  Before I start up blogging again, I just wanted this latest blog to be a shout out to everyone who has made this journey a very amazing one for me.  And the cities I have lived in with all their charm, mystery and magic. 

This if for each of them as they all hold a very special piece of my heart.  And also for each of you, for we are all one.  

For Linda....  I am going "all the way".