Gloomy @ MindSay

This is what I would like to see .....

President Bush knocking at the door of a family to tell them their son/daughter, father/mother has been killed serving in Iraq.

I want to see him live every waking moment with these people from the time the news is delivered at their door till they put their loved one to rest.  I want him to feel what they feel.

Then I would like to see him board a plane, put on a uniform and walk in the shoes of those who live the life of war daily.  I want him to witness death.  I want him to live the fear.  I want him to want to come home.  I want him to feel what they feel.

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I am personally ill at the thought of sending more troops to Iraq.  I believe this has become a matter of ego at this point.  President Bush seems to be more worried about "success in Iraq" rather than the 3,000+ that have already given their lives to this cause.

Sending more troops IS NOT the answer.  Bringing them home is.

I've tried very hard not to get political in my posting.   But in this case I'm sick ..... literally sick.  No one could ever convince me ever that this is the right thing to do.  Ever.

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So much to say and to confused to say it. 



It's a stormy rainy gloomy day here.  It expresses my mood exactly.   I normally don't do this  but if you haven't,  please take the time to read  the post before this one.  Thanks.

Peace.  J.

What a wondeful day....bleh!

 

The sky is the utmost dreary grey and the wind is chilly...with a 100 percent chance that it's going to rain while I forget to grab my umbrella lol....yeah that wasn't pleasent...my hoodie and jeans were just a little wet...Oh and not to mention I did sleep right through my 9:30am class, and saddest of all I have a nice big quiz in there on thursdays about delightfull use of syntax and morphology and phonemes....which means I missed the review...bleh.

 

Crappy day....but I did manage to wash my 2 week old laundry....which means MORE CLOTHES FOR LUFTHERZ!!!! :D I was running rather low....

 

I did however have a rather nice time in German class. We started by receiving our German Idiom Test back...and I got a 100, perfekt! I got all 25 idioms correct, which makes me rather happy. We then went over our phonetic spellings of the huge paragraph he assigned last week, and to my amazement, I managed to get all the correct phonetic spellings....So overall I have to say that my German class totally perked up my rather gloomy day...:)

 

Tschuess!

I think this is some type of Amanita, I'm not too positive on that ID.  Any mycologists out there please feel free to chime in, if you know what it is.

 

 

 

 

    You can’t spell painted without pain.  There’s a reason for the title.  There’s a reason why stats aren’t accurate.  There’s a reason why suicide is common.  There’s a reason for the cliché’s.  There’s a reason for it all, or at least, for most of it.  Suicide is the national killer.  Cliché’s about suicide formed for those who need to cope with losing a loved one, or for attempting and failing themselves.  Not all who commit suicide want to.  And no one understands suicide better than those who’ve survived it.
    But I can’t vouch for everyone on my suicide.  I’ve never cut.  I’ve never lowered myself to drugs and alcohol.  I’ve never physically hurt another person.  I’ve never done half the things considered suicidal.  But I attempted, a few years ago.  I had my depression medicine with me while I was in the car at my mothers work.  I couldn’t tell you what was on my mind, nor could I tell you why I had done it, but I did.  I tried drugging myself.  Before I took enough to be sent to the hospital, I ran out.  I was disappointed then, but now I’m quite relieved.
    Ever since, I’ve thought more about life and what reasons there were to continue it.  If someone saw a movie about my life, they’d wonder why I haven’t succeeded at suicide.  Physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse, as well as emotional neglect is a lot to deal with for one person.  There are definitely times I’ve wondered why I haven’t succeeded either.  After all, I have major depression, social anxiety disorder, disability to trust anyone and a tendency to think ‘heinous’ acts.  And that’s the least of it.
    I have four reasons why I haven’t committed suicide: My mother, Joshua, life and myself.  I don’t have the ability to leave my mother.  She’s the only one who’s been there for me because I needed her, not just because she’s my mother.  I don’t have the ability to leave Joshua.  He’s become my future, my love.  This would be quite long if I extended into why he’s a reason I live.  But in short, if it weren’t for him giving me a friend and new hope, I wouldn’t be able to see any part of the path I should be taking.  I don’t have the ability to leave life.  It’s difficult, depressing, cliché and one of the worst things that seems to happen.  But it’s full of surprises and I don’t want to miss them.  I don’t have the ability to kill myself because there are things I want to do.  I have dreams that need to become reality.  I have wants that need to leave.  I have needs that have to be taken care of.  I have reasons to live.
    I want to kill myself, but I don’t want to die.  It may not make sense to you, but it does to others and myself who’ve been down a similar path.  Suicide is a hot topic.  But to understand it, you’d have to find someone willing to talk about his or her experience.   The biggest cliché I could tell you, ‘Don’t take those around you for granted.’  I’m not a fan of cliché’s, but that’s one cliché that speaks the truth.  You don’t truly know who the next person around you is that’s going to try such an act.  But don’t push God onto them either.  For the most part, someone who’s suicidal is more likely to not believe in a God.

Let the truth be known....

 

I need a new design layout.....

 

this one was just meant to be a quick fix until I found a new one but know it really is ugly...

 

I need to go picture shopping today or something because this has got to change...soon...

 

 

leave me one...:D