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I don't want to see him with someone else...
Listening to Yanni.

Hoping things have stayed the same. That he hasn't changed feelings.

It's so confusing. My timing is awful.

I hope, but I guess I just have to wait.

And if he decides he doesn't want me, well then I guess that's just my luck as usual...

I'm still afraid he's a "happy people"...I don't think so, but maybe...

He's so interesting. He's curious, like me. Silly, determined, polite, friendly, funny, kind, caring...

I can't wait to see  him again, and give him a hug (and maybe a kiss)!

I want HIM to give ME a kiss...

I want to know what he wants, and why.

He wanted me before, and it just wasn't enough time for me to get over my last boyfriend.

And now... well, he says he doesn't want to see me with anyone else, and so many things...

Msn is so hard to tell. Maybe he's being cold and wants me to tone it down, or maybe whenever we talk at 2 in the morning he's always tired. Which he usually is. He goes to bed at normal times like a normal person XD

He's so amazing. It's amazing. That he hasn't left yet. That even everything I've told him, hasn't scared him away. Oh Tito...

I don't want to get excited because I might be disappointed. But it's hard. I don't have much else to think about. My friends are usually busy with their girlfriends and boyfriends, and work. And I still don't have a job and it's really too late, now. Fuckin' staples and my luck and everything with the computer and resume. Bah.

Well... I should get to bed.

I think I've been pretty okay lately, but it's hard to say. Maybe I'm just blocking it out. Maybe I'm numb.

I definately feel pretty numb. Things just haven't been affecting me, really. Bad or good, it just feels the same.

I feel happy when talking to Tito, though.

When I think about Jayden, I just feel nothing. Maybe I've trained myself, or surpressed it now.

I saw pictures of Tito with some other girls, and even though the photos are pretty innocent (well I guess I don't know for sure, but they're just hugging/arm around the shoulder), and it made me so jealous...

I want to hug him! I want his arm around me... I don't want to see him with another girl...

Alright I've rambled enough.

*insert stream of curses* Gaaaaaah!
Will somebody PLEASE explain why people who absolutely hated you in high school decide they want to add you as a friend on Facebook?

Do they just fucking forget they hated you in high school? Do they forget how they were pretty much bane to your existence for four bloody years?  Geez US!

Yes, I still dislike you and YES, I'M JUST THAT PETTY! Sometimes I don't feel like being the bigger person so there!

Traditional Girls?? What's That?
Yeah it's getting hectic here. So this is going to be very short. I'm hanging in there, stressing about school. A special girl has appeared into life, I mentioned this before. 3 years since I last saw her. Signed up for next semesters classes, just need the money for it. Sigh =_=

Now here's the question. What exactly is a Traditional Girl? Her brother says that, slightly know, but in this day and age that could change. So Definition please!

Making Me Assume
I am going private. Now now, it's only for like one entry. Throughout my whole entire time of ever writing out of 664 entries here and 773 on my old site. So being 1437 entries, the next entry will be private because it's a lot more serious analyzing of a situation.

Moving on this week has bee alright so far. Math class has been pretty good got of getting stuck right now, or I'm really taking an assessment right now which I hate. Because it's going over stuff I haven't gone over since January and it will knock me back I just hope not a lot I was doing well but this is probably going to punch me in a face a few times and laugh freaking life @_@.

On the good side there's been a lot of female attention on me from here to school to just being plain driving on the road. ^_^ so that's made MOST of this week and part of last week too he he. something happen and I do not mind it at all but it's a bit awkward. Are you serious!?! See another person I haven't talked to in about 3 to 4 years what is going on this week!?!? hm anyways pass that now she disappeared she must be having trouble but that was totally unexpected in the middle of the night. Yeah seriously I got a call today from an old friend Angela. We were actually in the same area for once, we talk like every six months. She said she passed by my neighborhood and decided to give me a call. We ended up meeting together. She always look good, but now was on a whole new level. Just... Just someone put me out of my misery seriously, she's way too hot now jeez!!!

We catch up and surprisingly not surprised on what she told me next. She was working two jobs. I remember her first one and then she told me she worked at a place called Pink Pony.... Pink Pony where have I heard that name before. I really couldn't remember, the guys talk about it every blue moon something about Atlanta.. I end up figuring it out and I'm like Angela Pink Pony is a very umm how should I put this FAMOUS strip club downtown what are you DOING there!?!? She ends up telling me she's a shooter girl, also says another friend of ours Alicia was dancing for a while but stop to be  a shooters girl. e I'm just like well I'm glad I don't drink because you girls would probably end up taking ALL my money @_@. Note to self call her about school, she avoided telling me anything on that, she's going to get it!!!!

Then I get a message online on facebook from an extremely old acquaintance of mine. She use to live in my neighborhood when we were little. End up finding me but I haven't talked to her so long though. Of course I leave her a silly message  and I could not possibly forget about her and her goofy mom lol. She looked great too seem to be traveling all over, I could tell she was in Brazil at one point. Still lives pretty close to the old house it seems. She's pretty good looking now, she was fine back then but of course with years passing by she turned out well to. The funny thing about all of this, I was trying not to care but it just seems like I'm a magnet and get attracted to all of this. Oh is life. I got a lot of catching up to do. That's one reason why I seriously haven't been looking for anyone. I love girls I really do. Yet I feel so behind I know I'm a great guy but I need something that drives me. I'll check on some of the girls and they're doing this or doing that. I'm so impressed and depressed at the same time I'm still trying to find something that will get me going and make me survive life and be able to get notice. I think it's more because I'm at an age where people are getting it together getting married finishing school or at least doing something full time.

Another subject I gave blood two days ago. As you may not noticed yet by the profile picture you see the arm wrapped up a bit. It's been a while since I given blood like since 2003 but I did and it was pretty cool. I made sure I didn't work but at all that day, wish I could have but I wasn't going to take chances. I'm crazy since I run at noon in all black and outside in the heat. Anytime I'm at school after my classes I end up watching anime now. I watched an anime called Slam Dunk of course it's about basketball, but it's pretty much set in the early 90's since the anime came out around that time. I can watch practically any anime as long as it has a good storyline and character development.

Slam Dunk pretty much is early 90's Chicago Bulls. They have the red and black going on. The only thing I hate about it was that they built it all the way up and they end he series about them going to the finals. The manga (comic book of sorts) Continues to follow them all the way to the Nationals than All-Japan. So I'm reading that now. Also watching Initial D. Some ma know and some may not. It's about street racing and drifting. This  Series came out in the mid 90's in Japan. The manga started in 94. It was done with regular animation except races. The cars are all CG, and probably one of the first anime's to do so. I maybe wrong because Japan is so far ahead of us. The CG I actually am not fond of at all. When you do pencil to paper, all the details are there and you see how much effort it is put into this stuff. The last Initial D series they came out is called 4th Stage, which is done in 2004 10 years later. The animation is so much better on the characters, and they still use CG but they use cel shading technology now for it. So it blends in incredibly well. The story is pretty cool like the main character is totally boring but he does say interesting things.  Also that he didn't like racing at all at first and stuff. I'm really watching this since I am writing ideas for a racing story plot so need some inspiration.

Alright that's it for the night/morning. Gosh it's 4AM already sheesh @_@ Hit me up!

It Starts So Early
I've been trying to figure out why I was so disgusted with the Chinese Olympic Committee for the so-called opening ceremony scandal in which the little girl who performed the "Hymn to the Motherland" was lip syncing because they felt the girl who actually sang the song wasn't cute enough. 

I mean, it's not like we don't do things like this here in the States, but I think it really disgusted me because they were just kids.   I've  often commented on how we as women are judged by our looks a whole lot more than men.  This is why an overwhelming majority of eating disorders are found in women and the majority of plastic surgery procedures are done on women.  This scandal just brought home the fact that  being judged by our looks starts early.


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