Giggles @ MindSay 
fun
I left too early this morning. I wanted to stay and wait for you to wake up, and then just go from there . . . begin the weekend very early. I got up in order to make it to two jobsites and then a meeting . . . something important, and it was . . .
Tired, not enough sleep, so many plans . . . so much work . . . and its for our future . . . If something happened to me, then you wouldn’t have to worry for anything. That was my promise on our first date after my birthday. You were in a good mood, kissed me back and you smiled a lot. Something was unsaid at that moment and we were “a couple”. You were mine and you had a boyfriend.
Remember where we were? I do exactly. You took a sip of wine, there was a sea breeze and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you . . . and you told me “it shows”, then laughed at me.
We started playing the lottery, trying to figure out our lucky numbers, with the money we could . . . and you asked me, “if you had three wishes . . . ?” Truly I had everything I wanted right there . . . 1st wish – you saying that you loved me, 2nd – a plan for a new business that I knew I could do for you, 3rd – seeing you blush when I asked . . .
My love, a lot has changed since then, and some things will never . . . not ever change . . . So here it is, finally, my three wishes . . .
1st I wish that I never want anything or anyone as much or more than I do you . . . not ambition, not wealth, not power or privilege. I’ve learned that there is only one thing money can’t buy that I cannot live without or get for myself, and that’s you. There is nothing, no amount of money, that would replace you or even a moment in time.
2nd I wish I had known you all of our lives. That I grew up loving you and protecting you and making you laugh. That I was there to prevent or stop what it was that hurt you so deeply that it continues to this day. You are the love of my heart, my soul mate and somehow, I would have been there for you.
3rd I wish you loved me just half as much as I love you.
G.
P.S. Just because I am not there every day, never ever means I love you a moment less . . . and never will.
Sunday I found myself following my traditional-routine-when-there-is-nothing-planned-for-that-day. Ahh. Such luxury.
I was wrapped in a jacket (experience has taught me the AC in this place is particularly fierce), curled up in a wooden booth, the friendly cashier having startled me out of my inner world to clean away my dish, when this song came on.
I happened to be in the middle of this book.
It made me giggle. [I would have actually laughed, but I respected the families/couples having their Sunday dinner around me. Besides, I get enough odd looks as it is].
Perhaps it is a sign?
But this will be my last traditional-routine-when-there-aren't-any-plans for awhile. My weekends are gradually being booked.
Which reminds me -- my newly married friend and her husband are having a house-warming party the weekend after next. I am unable to go, but I must ring her up and ask if there's another weekend that will work. I'm happy for my busy schedule. It means that I'll be able to enjoy just her instead of also having to be polite to the rest of the family (her sister-in-law and sister-in-law's husband are having their house-warming on the same weekend. They, in fact, are moving into the same neighborhood. Five houses down).
For the first time in my life (at least that I'm aware of), there are some people who dislike me for just being me. Even though I'm aware of the cattiness of women, it wasn't until the wedding that I truly understood how catty we can be -- when my friend's mother-in-law and sister-in-law were all sweetness'n'light to my face, yet I just knew they disliked me.
Why? Because my friend chose me instead of the sister to be Maid of Honor. A sister she'd only met once, I add, whereas we've been good friends for nigh-on a dozen years. Not to mention that we have a standing joke that if she leaves her new husband, we all know who she'll marry. Yeah, me. It's funny, especially when you know us (she's conservative Catholic, I'm peppy Protestant -- not to mention that we're both straight).
Then again, I was surprised people didn't assume I was a lesbian (maybe they did?), because apparently the one question a Maid of Honor is asked by random strangers at all wedding festivities (after the introductory "so how do you know the bride?"), is "so are you married/engaged/seeing someone" or various forms of "will you be next down the aisle?"
It went beyond annoying after the first dozen times, to highly amusing after the second dozen. Especially when the next question was typically, "so what do you do?" It wasn't until the other bridesmaid pointed out the inflection of the last word that it began to amuse. Especially since the other bridesmaid didn't get the first question, and scared off all others by the second (having recently graduated with a master's in international security).
Maybe that's why I've ended up chuckling my way through the aforementioned book, finding there, between the covers, a wonderful description of who I am and how I function.
Or not. Maybe I'm just weird.
I did give myself an extra twenty minutes of sleep this morning, plus two hearty cups of tea, in order that I will be alert enough to enjoy tonight's late-night margaritas and taquitos.
Yeah, baby. It's Thursday.
Oh. Yeah. I didn't actually get asked the title question, but we now have a running joke about it, especially since it seemed the mother-of-the-groom believed that every single person "past a certain age" (18, I'm thinking) might be called to the priesthood/nunnery. Except her daughter, of course -- she wants grandchildren. But yes, she did ask her son if wasn't sure he wasn't meant to be a priest -- after he told her he was engaged to my friend. And you wonder why we don't exactly get along?
Nursery rhymes have been around for many, many years. However they have not changed since they originated to keep pace with modern times. In an effort to update some of them to better represent the modern era I bring you the following. No names were changed to protect the innocent (or anyone else for that matter). 
Jack And Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack jumped Jill
They used no condom or pill
And now they have a daughter.
They might also want to get checked for STD's and AIDS just to be sure. 
Mary Had A Little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb
And lots of beef and pork
Everywhere that Mary went
She was holding a knife and fork
She ate so much, she grew so large
She suffered a terrible fate
When one day trying to leave her yard
She couldn't fit through the gate.
Fortunately for Mary she still has Pizza Hut delivery. 
Little Bo Peep
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
And didn't know where they went
Until one day an invitation arrived
Her neighbor Mary sent
It was for a party, a barbecue
A feast with food piled deep
Upon Mary's grill Bo soon found
Parts of her missing sheep.
Deluxe stainless gas grill - approx $300, Rack of lamb - five finger discount, Look on neighbors face when she discovers the wood you used to cook her animals you coaxed into your yard was from the fence used to keep them in her yard - Priceless . . . . 
I warned you about Mary earlier. Mary must have run out of Pizza Hut coupons.
Mary Mary (Quite Contrary)
Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With Marijuana plants as tall as a house
And Poppy's row after row.
I think Mary must have moved to Afghanistan. 
Jack Be Nimble
Jack thought he was nimble
Jack thought he was quick
In his attempt to jump the candle stick
He found he wasn't so nimble
And he wasn't that quick
For he set fire to his shorts
And scorched his wick. 
You thought I was going to put something else in that last line didn't you? You naughty little monkey's. 
That is about it for now. If that doesn't give you a chuckle or two, nothing will. 
* Note First Comment *
Well, it is Saturday and you know what that means . . . . You don't ? Strange, because I don't know either. :P Anyway in keeping with my proclamation for August to be Humor Month I thought I would pass on a few jokes in the hopes of putting a smile into someone's day. Even if it is only my own. :O If anyone out there cares to join in, please feel free to share some of your humorous thoughts, feelings or moments and turn this one man humor fest into a community Smile generator. :D
Humor and Jokes Part 1
Rooster and Owl
What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?
A cock that stays up all night!
-----
Viagra
For anyone who might be suffering from the side affects of Viagra such as the erection lasting more than 4 hours there is a new support number for you to call.
Instead of calling your doctor and wasting a good thing, you can now call the special support line at 1-800-get-laid.
They offer full support, (not that you need it in your current condition) and will help you through the 'hard' times ahead. Due to 'stiff' competition, a deal like this is 'hard' to 'beat'.
If you happen to suffer one of the other side affects like blindness, you can always feel your way around and maybe use that new 'tool' you have as a cane. Just be careful what you 'bump' into.
-----
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
-----
Man of the House
A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife. "See if they fit."
"They don't."
"Now you see who will wear the pants in this house." She thought a little while, and took off her panties and asked him to try them on.
"I can't get into these."
"And you won't, either, with that attitude."
-----
Stuttering Problem
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering."
"Ddddd octttor. Whhaaat cccan I dddo?"
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem. The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it. The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up.
Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches.
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says: "I dddoonnnbt ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble!"
More funny stuff on the way so be sure to stop by often during the month to see what chuckles I can come up with next. The next post will be something I created from the depths of my humorous twisted mind. At least it made me laugh when I was putting it together.
Until then, always remember . . . .
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