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Morality
Last night I went out and bought a bottle of wine to gift my mentor today. I walked out of the store excited that I hadn't been carded (this entry is being written by a girl who this past summer, at age 26, I was carded at two movies and asked by the person cutting my hair what grade I was in at the local high school IDONOTLOOK16BTW), glad I had finally gotten something for Linda, and ready to go home and enjoy dinner.
It was not until I got home and getting ready to toss the receipt that I realized the kid ringing me up had charged me for the bottle of wine, but not the gift bag it was resting in.
Well, as fate would have it, I needed to go back to the grocery store tonight after the gym. I felt kind of guilty, however, so I went over to the rack and grabbed another bag before I went to get on line. As luck would have it, the line I picked to stand in was being manned by a semi-friend of mine, Matt. I always enjoy seeing Matt when I'm there, and since I had this weird request, I was glad it was someone who already knew I was on the weird side.
Emily: When I came last night, I wasn't charged for my bag like this.
Matt: Oh. Then that makes it free
Emily: No it doesn't. Can you please ring this one up with my order and the hold onto it and put it back on the shelf?
Matt: It really doesn't matter. But I guess the company I work for would appreciate that.
Now...I know. It's a giant corporation. This one-dollar bag isn't going to register anywhere for them. But the second I realized I'd been given it without paying for it, I felt really guilty, even if not at fault, and wanted to rectify it. But the way Matt (and 'Dylan', the kid they had bagging) were acting, you'd think I was alone in not feeling like it was okay. AM I alone? I don't think the price of the item is the issue even if it is small; the fact is, I saw it on a shelf for a nominal amount, and the expectation was that I would pay that amount to make the item my property. Would you have gone back to give them what was due?
It was not until I got home and getting ready to toss the receipt that I realized the kid ringing me up had charged me for the bottle of wine, but not the gift bag it was resting in.
Well, as fate would have it, I needed to go back to the grocery store tonight after the gym. I felt kind of guilty, however, so I went over to the rack and grabbed another bag before I went to get on line. As luck would have it, the line I picked to stand in was being manned by a semi-friend of mine, Matt. I always enjoy seeing Matt when I'm there, and since I had this weird request, I was glad it was someone who already knew I was on the weird side.
Emily: When I came last night, I wasn't charged for my bag like this.
Matt: Oh. Then that makes it free
Emily: No it doesn't. Can you please ring this one up with my order and the hold onto it and put it back on the shelf?
Matt: It really doesn't matter. But I guess the company I work for would appreciate that.
Now...I know. It's a giant corporation. This one-dollar bag isn't going to register anywhere for them. But the second I realized I'd been given it without paying for it, I felt really guilty, even if not at fault, and wanted to rectify it. But the way Matt (and 'Dylan', the kid they had bagging) were acting, you'd think I was alone in not feeling like it was okay. AM I alone? I don't think the price of the item is the issue even if it is small; the fact is, I saw it on a shelf for a nominal amount, and the expectation was that I would pay that amount to make the item my property. Would you have gone back to give them what was due?
Christmas Morning
So last Christmas was officially the last I will be able to satisfy my entire Christmas shopping list. I spent almost a whole month's salary on gifts for everyone. And I mean every one. At that time, yes I was going to school in Yellowknife, but I didn't have to pay for room and board, nor rent because I was living with family. This year, I'm going to have to focus on the littlest ones. Trenyce and Keely are the only ones that are getting a gift from me guaranteed. In order to keep my parents happy, you have to keep the kids happy. That's a fact. And I just love their little faces on Christmas morning. And especially hearing "THANK YOU SISTER!" And then you're all like "Holy shit can this be any more rewarding?" And your dad's all like "Nope."
Sometimes I wish I was a kid again. Wouldn't that be fun? If for one day, on December 25, of each year, we all woke up in the morning as children? After all the hectic decorating and cooking and buying presents, we were all able to wake up and feel the way we all felt as kids? To be too excited to sleep in, that we wake up at 6 am? To see that Santa really did eat the cookies and drink the milk? To run around the house, playing with brand new toys and laughing? Imagine all the elders, counting down the days until they could be young and play again. Imagine all the adults who are so stressed by the holidays that they forget to enjoy it, and worse, forget the meaning of Christmas. To spend an entire Christmas day as a kid..that would be something.
Stardate 1:27:2010
Mission Blog, Stardate 1:27:2010,
Last night I had a dream I was at my Granny's house. There was this baby there, that was supposedly in our family. It was premature but the size of a two year old. I was feeding it but it kept on talking and I got really pissed, so I grabbed its jaw to shut it up. I guess I grabbed it a little too hard and it ripped the jaw right off the baby's face. It stretched, with the skin still on, across the room and back onto the baby.
"Why did you do that?" the baby's voice was deep and demonic. I just stood in horror and woke up...
I took a shower and put my hair in pigtails and did my make-up, a little less than usual. I put on my little lion shirt and my normal jeans and slippers, of course. I stayed up really late last night drawing an art homework, a black and white rose with a red ribbon twisting around it. I grabbed it and headed out the door for the bus.
At school, in Chemistry, we are practicing writing formulas, for example CO2, or names, example is Carbon Dioxide. We have around 100 problems to do on this one practice worksheet, ugh... I'm doing good in that class though.
In Honors English, yesterday we filled out matchmaker things for Valentine's Day, we continued on with our Shakespeare play and started Act II, it is long, boring, and hurts my head. Our entry task was, "Why do people who are 'in love' act so weird around and not around each other?" We had a 30 minute discussion on the topic and read more of the play.
In art I started my Breadth, I was now caught up with the other two advanced. I'm experimenting with a new method of keeping certain areas white by using rubber cement. It took all of 3rd period to cover my areas I didn't want green. Alas, I do not have a lunch today either so I'm going to go to the math room once the bell rings. The beginning art students are just learning water coloring, it's funny to see how much they... need to grow is a nice way to put it. *ring*
Lunch time I actually ended up sitting at the lunch table to see if I could mooch some food off of some of my friends. I ended up getting apple slices and lemon cookies, hooray for me. Once I was finished eating I went to the math room. I asked *Mr. Bob rock was I was going to be missing Thursday and Friday, because I'm going to be gone this weekend again. He said just worksheets and we had a quiz today... great...
Math started and *Carmine was here today... YES! I was going to sit by him when *Joan came in and seriously looked like she was going to cry. I asked what was wrong and she didn't tell me, I then asked if she needed a hug, she said yes. Is it something to do with her boyfriend? I asked her and she said no. I then asked her if she would write it down so she wouldn't have to say it out loud, so she did. As she was writing, I tried to pay attention to the material that was going to be on our quiz. It ended being that her brother says he hates her, her mom says she talks to the cat more that her own daughter, and her "BFF" is a total female dog. I then wrote that she is one of my best friends and that I'm always there for her, she smiled. She is one of my best friends, but in the past 2 years we have drifted apart and it's sad... He actually likes Twilight, he's reading the first one right now and actually thinks its a pretty good book. Finally a guy who likes Twilight...
In Pottery, out project this week is a bowl which mine is huge and I will do some serious cereal eating out of it, I glazed my "cat's ball" the inside is citrus splash, the outside is kiwi, and the rose handle is cranberry. I hope it turns out well. My bowl also had cracks in the bottom so I had to get wet clay out of the bucket and seal the cracks, I didn't want to be eating cereal and have the milk leak out.
At the end of the day, the bell had rung, I went to go get my water color and the plate but I couldn't because one of the other advanced needed the watercolor plate I was using... so now I'm behind in Art again...
The bus ride home was okay, it was super packed though but me and *Joon just talked the whole time and it was cool. Once I got home I had to go pee really bad, and then I got a text from *Joon saying that she got her Prismacolor Markers, they are like the best kind of markers who can get, cartoonists' use them in comic books. As I entered the kitchen I saw my mother had baked chocolate chip cookies today, so I had one with a glass of cold milk...
P.S. Sorry I didn't have a post on 1:26:2010 I was too busy, I went over to *Joon's and played Sims3.
Stardate 1:23:2010
Mission Blog, Stardate 1:23:2010,
I swear I woke up before anyone else in the whole dorm, I woke up at least six times that night and then the sixth time I stayed awake, lying in my bed until someone finally got up and went into the bathroom. The "beds" we slept on were very stiff, but hey, it's better than the floor. Anyways, I got dressed and headed to the meeting room for breakfast, because we had to be there by 8 am. Breakfast was eggs, hash browns, and toast (with milk or water). I thought it was okay, better than school food anyways (if you can call it food).
After breakfast we had a... brief worship and then played some games. Ugh, even though I'm feeling happier, I'm not much of a game person, it came with maturing. The first "game" we played was an eating contest. There were, I think, six brown paper bags, each with a gross mystery food in it. The first youth group to finish all the bags won. It was kind of like a tag-eating contest. The first people went up, and our person got a whole tub of frosting. It took forever for him to finish it but he did it. Then the second person went up and had to drink a mystery drink. It was red, and chunky, that's all I know. Then the third person went up and had to eat pig's feet... eew! The fourth person had to eat a whole thing of Spam... I almost puked in my seat. The fifth person had to just drink/eat a little thing of Kool-Aid powder. Lastly, the sixth person had to eat anchovies. Our youth group ended up wining, only because earlier in the year we had the Turkey Rally.
Anyways, after that we played a balloon popping game. One of our people almost won, but got second. Then we played this game where EVERYONE sat in a giant circle and you closed your eyes. When the leaders told you to open them you had to look at someone, and if that person was looking back at you, you had to scream and fall over dead... and you lost. I actually won that game!
After games we had lunch, sloppy Joe's. Who was Joe? and why was he sloppy? And then we were given 5.5 hours to do whatever we wanted until dinner time. Well, I wanted to talk to Peter just one-on-one, so I sought out to find him. I eventually found him and talked to him about my whole depression thing and hair pulling. He then asked if he could pray for me, I said yes of course. He asked me to close my eyes... and go to greener pastures. I've been here before... It was where I first, actually met, Jesus. There he was, sitting by the tree where I first met him... Welcome back my beloved... I'm back... I will always love you, no matter what... I started to cry, I was finally broken of my deadly depression, even though I was never in it in the first place, I only chose to think I was. When Peter and I were finished we said our good-byes (for then) and went to continue our day.
Dinner came, but I was feeling sick from holding in myself for the past weekend (I hadn't gone to the bathroom). I drank water and ate two rolls to absorb the gas. Then we had 1.5 hours until pre-service prayer, and I couldn't wait until then.
7:00 p.m. finally came around and myself and some of my other, newly found friends went to pre-service prayer. It seemed super short because the next thing I know it's time for worship. We sang and danced and jumped and clapped and totally gave ourselves over to Jesus, it was awesome. Somewhere in between everything, one of my friends introduced me to her old sunday school teacher, he was tall and bald with a mustache. He was asking me a lot of questions, that I guess, he already knew the answer to. He then asked if he could pray for me in another room, so I followed. He started asking me more and more questions, pounding me to the point where even I didn't know the answer anymore. He then asked the pastor from my church and my mom's friend to come pray also. Then laid hands on me, and then I relaxed... I started speaking in tongues and my eyelids fluttered, I was being filled with the Holy Spirit. Then I was falling, they caught me of course and laid me down on the floor. They prayed over me and I swear the dude thought I was possessed. I awoke when he asked my mom's friend if my family were witches, and I said no but there are wicka in my school. He knew God told him something about witches, and then prayed that a huge guardian angel be given to me... and it was over. I then went to my Dad and hugged him crying, asking him to forgive me for not forgiving him. I felt like my whole slate had been washed clean, and it had by Jesus.
After the service, one of my friend ran up to me and this whole new, weird feeling went through me. I slowly pushed away, "What did you do to me you... beautiful girl?"
"Ha! I knew it would work!" She looked pleased with herself.
I felt as if I had just snorted sharpie up my nose... "I... can't open my eyes!" My eyes were totally squinty and I couldn't hardly open them. I realized then that I was high of the Holy Spirit... Holy Stoned.
The rest of the night was awesome and I was finally happy...
Christmas Spirit
I haven't been very bloggy lately. Sometimes, it simply gets to be too much. There was so much I wanted to blog about over the holidays that it seemed overwhelming and I ended up ignoring it completely. I am not planning on going back and recapping everything, it'll just have to exist in my heart and memories and those of the people with whom I spent my time. However, in a joyous time, there is one moment that truly stood out above the rest and I want to take a minute to capture it here.
Several weeks ago, I blogged about my friend Mindy and her mother's illness. (Trish is still recovering but is much better now). I mentioned how I drove to St. Cloud and picked up her two boys. Clay and Lewie are my little buddies and I spent part of Christmas Eve with them and their family. On that drive back, several weeks ago, Lewie slept and Clay and I talked. One of the things we talked about was Christmas and the gifts he wanted. Since his very first Christmas, each year I have given him a snow globe, something special, all for him. He LOVES his snowglobes and gets excited each year to take them out and look at them. I know that. This year, he told me he didn't want one and he wanted me to get him a cool toy instead. He's five.
I listened to his plea and then explained to him WHY it is that I buy him a snowglobe. I told him that it is because he is my very special friend and we've been friends since he was minutes old. Other than his parents I was the first person to meet him after he was born. I was there for his first smile, I read him his first book and have celebrated all the important moments of his life with him. He told me he knew all this. (Again, he's five). I said that when his first Christmas came around I wanted to get him something special that would always represent that first Christmas for him, even though he wasn't yet old enough to remember it. That way, when he became an adult, he would have that snow globe and know that he's had that his entire life and it would be special to him. Also, I wanted it to remind him of me, so he'd know that I have loved him his whole life long.
He was very quiet after I explained all that and then said, "can you get me a snowglobe AND a toy?"
Obviously, that made me laugh, but I then explained to him that while I bought him plenty of toys in his life, at Christmas, I like to give gifts that are meaningful and toys aren't. By the next Christmas he'll have found a new toy to love and forgotten who even gave him that (fill in the blank) toy. While toys are fun for a while, especially for little boys, they really don't make memories the way other special gifts do.
This year, I gave him a video montage of pictures of him from his first five years of life. I also bought him a snowglobe (that collection is growing....) and gave him a box of scotch tape, because it was one of the things he asked for. In five year old joy, he tore into his presents and pulled out the three gifts....none of which was a toy. I could see it in his face (so could his parents) that he was disappointed. I know it might be tough now, but I truly believe that someday he'll be glad that I am giving him memories, rather than toys.
I suspect that the hardest part is that his little brother, 2 1/2 , still gets toys from me. But that too, will end, once Lew is big enough to understand the special relationship we have.
So, as our Christmas Eve progressed, the boys got to open presents from Santa and their Grandma and their parents. As I suspected, Clay got plenty of toys. After everything was unwrapped and many things already played with, Tom (the daddy) went downstairs to set up the new racetrack the boys got. The boys went with him and were getting set to play. I had to get going and started my goodbyes.
I headed down to the basement and saw the boys zooming cars around the track. Tom was helping Lewie learn to do it and Clay was running his car by himself. I was sitting behind the boys and chatting with them for a moment and talking about how cool the new race cars were. Clay then told me what some of his favorite presents were, number one being a Chinese flute his Grandma brought him back from her trip to China. After regaling me with his favorites, he paused for a moment and turned around and faced me. He smiled at me and said "thank you for your presents, too. I really like them, especially my snow globe."
Whew. I am actually getting teary as I type this. When he said that to me, I was shocked. I immediately glanced at Tom and he appeared surprised as well. I was so sure that Clay was disappointed in my gifts and figured on years before he appreciated them. No one told Clay that he should say that. I was truly touched. I don't know if he remembered my story about the snow globe and that is why he singled it out or if he just really liked it, but he made a point of expressing his appreciation for it, and for me.
That single moment, those simple words from a five-year-old boy, were the best Christmas present I received.
It reminded me why giving gifts is far better than receiving them; why we should have faith in those around us; that without realizing it, we often touch the lives around us; and that more often than not, it is the simple things that mean the most.
It told me that at five years old, Clay has figured out what many people take a life time to realize, if they ever do. That, in life, the people we love are far more important than any silly toy.
I hope that your holiday was a wondrous and magic-filled as mine. And to those of you who gave me more material gifts, rest assured, I loved them as well and appreciate that you took the time to think of me and share gifts with me in this wonderful season.
Happy Holidays.
Several weeks ago, I blogged about my friend Mindy and her mother's illness. (Trish is still recovering but is much better now). I mentioned how I drove to St. Cloud and picked up her two boys. Clay and Lewie are my little buddies and I spent part of Christmas Eve with them and their family. On that drive back, several weeks ago, Lewie slept and Clay and I talked. One of the things we talked about was Christmas and the gifts he wanted. Since his very first Christmas, each year I have given him a snow globe, something special, all for him. He LOVES his snowglobes and gets excited each year to take them out and look at them. I know that. This year, he told me he didn't want one and he wanted me to get him a cool toy instead. He's five.
I listened to his plea and then explained to him WHY it is that I buy him a snowglobe. I told him that it is because he is my very special friend and we've been friends since he was minutes old. Other than his parents I was the first person to meet him after he was born. I was there for his first smile, I read him his first book and have celebrated all the important moments of his life with him. He told me he knew all this. (Again, he's five). I said that when his first Christmas came around I wanted to get him something special that would always represent that first Christmas for him, even though he wasn't yet old enough to remember it. That way, when he became an adult, he would have that snow globe and know that he's had that his entire life and it would be special to him. Also, I wanted it to remind him of me, so he'd know that I have loved him his whole life long.
He was very quiet after I explained all that and then said, "can you get me a snowglobe AND a toy?"
Obviously, that made me laugh, but I then explained to him that while I bought him plenty of toys in his life, at Christmas, I like to give gifts that are meaningful and toys aren't. By the next Christmas he'll have found a new toy to love and forgotten who even gave him that (fill in the blank) toy. While toys are fun for a while, especially for little boys, they really don't make memories the way other special gifts do.
This year, I gave him a video montage of pictures of him from his first five years of life. I also bought him a snowglobe (that collection is growing....) and gave him a box of scotch tape, because it was one of the things he asked for. In five year old joy, he tore into his presents and pulled out the three gifts....none of which was a toy. I could see it in his face (so could his parents) that he was disappointed. I know it might be tough now, but I truly believe that someday he'll be glad that I am giving him memories, rather than toys.
I suspect that the hardest part is that his little brother, 2 1/2 , still gets toys from me. But that too, will end, once Lew is big enough to understand the special relationship we have.
So, as our Christmas Eve progressed, the boys got to open presents from Santa and their Grandma and their parents. As I suspected, Clay got plenty of toys. After everything was unwrapped and many things already played with, Tom (the daddy) went downstairs to set up the new racetrack the boys got. The boys went with him and were getting set to play. I had to get going and started my goodbyes.
I headed down to the basement and saw the boys zooming cars around the track. Tom was helping Lewie learn to do it and Clay was running his car by himself. I was sitting behind the boys and chatting with them for a moment and talking about how cool the new race cars were. Clay then told me what some of his favorite presents were, number one being a Chinese flute his Grandma brought him back from her trip to China. After regaling me with his favorites, he paused for a moment and turned around and faced me. He smiled at me and said "thank you for your presents, too. I really like them, especially my snow globe."
Whew. I am actually getting teary as I type this. When he said that to me, I was shocked. I immediately glanced at Tom and he appeared surprised as well. I was so sure that Clay was disappointed in my gifts and figured on years before he appreciated them. No one told Clay that he should say that. I was truly touched. I don't know if he remembered my story about the snow globe and that is why he singled it out or if he just really liked it, but he made a point of expressing his appreciation for it, and for me.
That single moment, those simple words from a five-year-old boy, were the best Christmas present I received.
It reminded me why giving gifts is far better than receiving them; why we should have faith in those around us; that without realizing it, we often touch the lives around us; and that more often than not, it is the simple things that mean the most.
It told me that at five years old, Clay has figured out what many people take a life time to realize, if they ever do. That, in life, the people we love are far more important than any silly toy.
I hope that your holiday was a wondrous and magic-filled as mine. And to those of you who gave me more material gifts, rest assured, I loved them as well and appreciate that you took the time to think of me and share gifts with me in this wonderful season.
Happy Holidays.
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