Gaming @ MindSay

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There's one easy way to tell if a session with Dianne was meaningful: I'll end up crying.
I try so fucking hard to stop myself, this time I was bending my fingers and squeezing my wrists - but as I said to her, if I start, I don't end up stopping.
I spoke to her a little bit about "5 to 15" - I recollected a few events. Those that I didn't think were majorly important, or that I don't think would have affected me that much in the future - but Dianne seemed to think they were useful information.
 
I got my first draft of the film studies coursework back today - Sarah said it's A-grade standard, but the fact I missed out a few chunks of information in places, it's only a C/B. So I'll be adding to it shortly - she's told me I ought to get an A overall for the coursework. I hope so. I want an A for film studies, seeing as how I managed to get one in media studies last year too.
 
I sat on the 2nd floor of the LRC in my break between the session with Dianne and my English lesson. I listened to Spieluhr on repeat for a while, until it started getting on my nerves - then swapped to Silverstein and Blind Guardian. I updated the blogs I'd left blank for Tuesday and Wednesday and had a mooch about on some randomers' blogs.
 
I've always hated English since I came to college - loved it before I came here, then it suddenly just got shit. I despise it even more now that Adam has been put into D block with me. He sits with Siobhan - he was sort of adjacent to me on the tables today, I was in a shit mood and he kept saying random shite to make me smile. I did smile at some of them, but I didn't feel smiley inside. I feel uncomfortable in that room as it is with all the arseholes in there, but it's gotten worse now Adam's there too. Sigh.
 
Hannah pissed me off too. I was simply asking Angela what it was we were supposed to be making notes on, and she goes: "We did the pragmatics yesterday... YOU KNOW, THE STUDY OF SOUND?"
I just gave her my psycho glare and growled: "I KNOW WHAT FUCKING PRAGMATICS ARE."
I'm surprised she didn't retaliate, she looked more surprised than offended at my response. Oh, I fucking hate her. She's always riles me because of her fucking ridiculous nasal-voice, but as soon as someone treats me like I lack intellect, they become hatred targets. Inconsiderate shit-sniffers!
 
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On the bus home, I was listening to Blind Guardian louder than I should have done - and this random old woman kept turning around and giving me weird looks. Fucking slag. You'd think sitting behind an aged person, they'd be too deaf to hear your music. I don't have it THAT loud!
It just sounds louder in small spaces, such as lifts... :)
 
I'm a proper arsehole in the bus station though - I was bounding off to catch up with the bus that was due to leave the bay - and there was this huddle of dirty chavs standing by the railings that just didn't want to move - so I just SHOULDERED one out of the way - the look she gave me was proper funny. I didn't even look at her, I just carried on, fueled by my full-blast Rammstein. :)
 
When I got in, I made myself some of those chicken & bacon motzarella wraps and ate them while I watched Spongebob Squarepants. Nickelodeon seriously couldn't time it better - it always seems to be on whenever I get in. I like watching cartoons after college, it re-fills my happy levels. My happy levels are usually always below centre, but they drop to negative figures when I'm at college. The shithole that it is.
Well, not the building or the tutors or even the lessons - it's the arseholes that are there.
 
I went upstairs, set up my Wii and I finished off Spyro: Enter The Dragonfly.
Good fucking riddance, that's one game I'm not re-playing in a hurry. Thankfully, it was only £3.50, so I didn't waste that much on it. It's not a TERRIBLE game, but compared to the other Spyro games, it just doesn't even compete. And they're on PS1 - this is a GC/PS2 game!
It's just the overall glitchiness that ruins it. All the disappearing floors, voice lags, control reversals, camera freezing and general jumping about makes it a chore. It's also WAY too easy. Having different breath attacks instead of power-up portals is NOT Spyro! The time limits on the power-ups is what makes it fun!
 
And the lack of the locate gems feature doesn't make it harder - it just makes it goddamn tedious. And WHY do you collect DRAGONFLIES? Not eggs, not baby dragons - ach.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's wank though - GameFAQs reviewers all only give it 2/10 and 3/10.
I've completed all of the PS1 Spyros at least twice each, because they have excellent replay value - but as per fucking usual, as soon as a mint PS1 series gets ported to PS2, it FAILS.
It happened with Crash, it happened with Parappa The Rapper - it was obviously going to happen to Spyro. :(
 
Tee hee, bad game rant is over. :D
 
 
So, with that pile of crap removed from my to-be-completed games wallet and put back into the box at the bottom of the stack, not to be played again in a hurry - I replaced it with Resident Evil.
Now is the time for me to complete the scenario with Chris. Seeing as how Chris is supposed to be hard mode, I'm very surprised at how easy it is. I'm not sure if it's got to do with the fact I already know my way around due to completing it with Jill - but when I played her scenario, I must have died a good 10 times. I'm at the guardhouse currently and I've not died once. The snake didn't even hurt me, and Chris only gets a shitty shotgun, Forest's bazooka just doesn't seem to be present.
 
I still shit myself when Lisa Trevor came in the outside hut - even though I knew she was coming - she scares the shit out of me. She's what makes the Resi 1 re-make so much scarier. That and all the graphical touch-ups, crimson heads, insane puzzles, extra rooms and the general darker overtone and detailed environments.
 
I should stop talking about games, otherwise I'll just end up turning my blog into a games review. :)

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This is horrible.
I've had a perfectly reasonable day - yet I've had a moment of destructive lapse and now I feel like slitting my wrists as per usual.
 
Fair enough, I've felt pretty shitty recently. I'm unsure why. The slightest little thing has been making me depressed and suicidal for hours, days even weeks on end. I felt reasonable yesterday and I've felt reasonable for practically all of today - it was just from 9PM onwards. I don't even know what triggered me. I can't even see this trigger. Normally I can recognise them.
 
About today, anyway...
Shelly said she was coming earlier so we could express our love for each other colourfully, as we do. But she came well later than she'd said, so we only got to have a little quickie. It was alright, I suppose. I'd have liked longer, but if that's all I could have had, I wouldn't have been THAT bothered - because along with my shitty mood recently, I've also had a massive loss in sex drive. It sucks. I neither want it or want to give it. I make myself give it, because I don't want to upset Shelly. I don't enjoy it as much as I normally would, but I don't despise it either, so... :(
 
Ash came at about quarter past 12 and we kicked off our day with some Nintendo 64 action.
I don't know what it is with Ash, but if she knows I have new games, she doesn't like me to leave them until I've finished other ones. She likes me to try out all my new games as soon as she's there, or as soon as I can.
 
Thus, she requested that I play Turok: Rage Wars.
My first disappointment came when I realised I couldn't actually save my progress because I don't have a controller pak. But I disregarded this and carried on to the single-player mode.
Now this is where my entire failure at first-person-shooter games became apparent. I can't aim to save my life. I'd miss the first few shots before I actually got to kill the bastard dinosaurs.
 
I also didn't like the controls. The control stick was for AIMING. The C BUTTONS were for MOVING.
I was just like WTF.... The C buttons are usually fairly useless on most N64 games. They're just for camera control or special moves.
 
I suppose if I was a lover of shooting games, this would be a pretty good game. But the fact I despise the entire genre has indeed put a negative slant on my opinion. At least I can recognise this. I can make valid points when I express reasons why I do and don't like games. (I'm not a stubborn biased little cow like Shelly is - although this opinion is about to be proven wrong towards the end of this blog. :P)

This irony of my terrible aim then became apparent when I tried to squirt my magic ink at Ash's shirt. I aimed about 4 inches too high and instead of getting her chest - I got her in the face. Totally missed my target... Her face was pretty hilarious, but then I felt really guilty about it. I still do. :(
 
Not giving up on the N64 though - I played through the first hour or so of Conker's Bad Fur Day. I had to make sure I included the boss fight with The Great Mighty Poo and the cutscene with the prune juice and the cows.
Ash and Shelly are a right pair of miserable gits - when Adam and I played CBFD together, we were in absolute fits, but they didn't find it half as amusing as we did. :(

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The next few hours were taken up by sharing round my jar of fruit rock and playing through the band career on Guitar Hero: Metallica.
Dixie played lead, Shelly played bass and Ash played drums. We were a reasonable set and we bagged a fair few 4 and 5 star rankings. Shelly and I continued on for a few songs afterwards when Ash got bored.
I want to finish off the band career - namely so I can mark it down as BEATEN on my Backloggery. :P

I made us turkey drummers and waffles for tea.
When dad was upstairs on the PC, I must've started to get the sugar rush effect from the fruit rock. I went into this weird mood.

I was sort of describing a hot sex fantasy to Shelly over the table. I knew I was half-serious - the look on her face was fucking hilarious and Ash was absolutley pissing herself. I can remember most of it, lmao. Let us document it here so I can look back and get aroused over it. :P

"We could go into the kitchen together... You wearing your chef whites and your hat... And you can make me a cake. You can sit me on the worktop while I watch you mix up the batter for me... Then you'd let me lick the bowl... You'd ask me if I wanted extra chocolate chips and I'd be all like (sexual voice) 'OH YES CHEF...' And perhaps I'd beat you on the bum with a fish slice..."

- And it sort of carried on like that for about 10 minutes. I'm fucking epic at making up things on the spot. I didn't even stumble or falter - it just kept on coming for quite a while before I ran out of ideas. :)

Shelly was like: "YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS AREN'T YOU?"
And I'm like: "...I MIGHT BE!"

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Dad letting me have a pint of fruit cider did absolutley nothing to calm this hyper mood down either.
I was doing a weird combination of laughs - ones I'd never even heard before. Ash kept giving me the look then pissing herself at me.

The two of us got Shelly to play Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker.
We both thought she wouldn't even try it - but she got up the the pirate ship hold. Fair enough she's a bit dozy and we had to lead her about first - but she even proved how quick she understands games. When she got to the Outset Forest, I said "right then, you know what to do, you can do this bit by yourself" - and she was purposely running round in circles, but she knew EXACTLY the way you had to go.
Fucking slag. :P

Ash went home at around ten to nine - and Shelly got her wicked way with me.
I still felt reluctant at first, as I have done for weeks, but we finally got somewhere.
I didn't do her for very long, so I told her not to do me for long either - but within 10 minutes, she'd got me to do that which I hadn't been able to do for so long. It felt fucking amazing - but then I cried.

And from crying, lead to sort of bawling.
It was the usual crying I do after climax, but then it sort of turned into upset crying - and I wasn't even sure why I got upset. Shelly and I didn't get much time to sort it afterwards either, because dad took her home at 10. I dried my eyes and went with her in the car home - but when I got back, I cut myself.
If only I knew WHY I'd gotten so upset... Perhaps I could have sorted it myself and stopped myself from hurting myself, but...

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I expected today to be better than it was.
We had a good start, a REALLY shit middle then the rest perked up a little, but didn't return to how good the day had started.

Shelly proper wouldn't let me sleep. I hadn't had enough due to her proper pushing me out of bed - so I certainly didn't fucking appreciate being woken up at 7 in the fucking morning.
She woke me up like every fucking hour following this, so I was still half-asleep on the airbed when Ash arrived at 12. It was funny watching her climb over the airbed. Then they both pulled the duvet off me because they're knobs. :P

We started the day with Guitar Hero and snacks.
Ian was round, so he was in and out and I was up and down - we were talking about our usual stuff - games. He surveyed the PS2 games I've collected so far. Oddly enough, he approved of them - and even said that Herdy Gerdy is supposed to be a pretty good game. I'd never even heard of it, I just bought it because it was a) cheap and b) a platformer/adventure game.

Then of course, Shelly has to ruin stuff by ranting at me.
Mainly me, but she unneedly included Ash and made her cry.
Shelly was facing me, and I kept miming "Ash is fucking crying because of you" until she ended up turning around to comfort her.

She even kept bringing it up when we were eating, despite the amount of times I'd told her "NOT NOW."
And as she always fucking comes in the kicthen and hassles me when I'm preparing stuff or cleaning up - I was pissed at her enough, so I certainly didn't need her then.

Dad could see I was pissed off and he asked if I was alright, but I made out it was mainly because Shelly was proper in my fucking face - those exact words.
So he went in there and told her. Ha ha ha.

I hated Ash leaving knowing she was still a bit upset. I gave her a big hug, hoping she'd cheer herself up. She knows just as well as I do how much of a knob Shelly can be sometimes.
I only really despise her when she makes Ash cry. Seeing Ash cry makes me want to cry too, so...
Saying that, I don't suppose me doing the slit-wrists hand motions towards her when Shelly was out of the room helped matters.

If Shelly hadn't stayed longer, I would have done.
But even then, she made me upset.

She tried making me feel better, but it ended up making me feel worse.
And despite the fact I didn't want to, and she knew I didn't want to - I felt fucking obliged to do things to her. I didn't do anything but rub her - but when she said "Is that all?" after 10 minutes - she'd done me for less - she made me feel worthless and like a failure so I just cried. With no hesitation or anything.

I didn't do it to deliberatley make her feel shit, but I hope it did.
She consoled me a little bit before she left, but today was just a prime example of how she can ruin a day that I expected to be decent.

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I thought with me picking up an AS - I wouldn't have any proper massive gaps. I have one day where I have a late start, one with an early finish and one with a double lunch break. But Friday leaves me with one lesson, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SODDING DAY. And that lesson is the AS I picked up.

Which currently, at the start of the course, is a bit of a pointless effort.
Film studies is exactly like media studies - therefore, I already know all of the terminology - which is what Sarah is going over currently. On top of that - today we were talking about filming and camera techniques - a lot of which I'd already covered in PHOTOGRAPHY!

There wasn't much point in me going in, but it was pretty funny when Sarah asked the group what the master shot of a sequence she showed us was.
To which I responded: "It was that AERIAL LONG SHOT of the crowd." then I smiled to myself because nobody else knew what that meant exactly. :P

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When I got home, I got myself a drink and I sat down to finish off Banjo-Kazooie.
Seriously, never listen to guides when it comes to boss fights. They over-complicate them. They make them far too technical and far too WORDY.

I went at it without any help from the guide and killed her on my first attempt.
This time I'd gotten used to staying out of the way of the fireballs - so I wasn't plummeting to my death by falling off the side of the tower either.

The ending had a pissy moment in it:

Banjo: "Wow, it's a nice big ice key!"
Kazooie: "I know where I'd like to stick that..."
Banjo: "KAZOOIE!!!"

Then the game had to wind me up by having a promotional insert about the sequel Banjo-Tooie.
It's on Ebay for like £30... Sigh... Do I love it enough to get it... I loved that one... I liked the GBA one... Gahhhh...
And without a box it's £20... Do I honestly want to pay £10 for a BOX?
It's an N64 cartridge, 9 of my 10 games are unboxed.

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Shelly came at half six. She was staying here tonight.
We spent a lot of time playing Guitar Hero and messing about on YouTube and Facebook.

There was a slight moment of hilarity when mam came in with the yellow foot pump to blow up the airbed.
With the noise it was making, Shelly and I were pissing ourselves - mam went "MURR, IT'S NOT FUNNY!" - as she was pissing herself also. :)

We ate Smarties cookies, crisps, Oreos and various other crap while I played Conker's Bad Fur Day.
It's really pissing me off now. The first 3/4 of the game was epic, but now I'm at the final chapter, the shitty warzone based crap with a fucking shotgun as a weapon - it's turned from a hilarious platformer adventure into a shitty military-style 3rd-person shooter. There's proper no need.

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Shelly and I slept in my bed - I gave her pleasure for an hour solid. :)
I was quite pleased with myself, but I wouldn't let her touch me. I didn't feel up to it.
I also couldn't sleep with her ALL night, I kept waking up every hour or so. When she's asleep, she proper SPREADS OUT. That wasn't a problem in the double bed at nana's, but I just couldn't do it in a single bed.

So I went on the airbed instead. I nicked one of the duvets and cuddled up with it all night because it smelt like her. :)