Fuck You @ MindSay

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.
I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to.

As if this happening wasn't enough I got to go
and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucked.
Ignore the sun, the cover's over my head.
I wrote a message on my pillow that says, "Jesse, stay asleep in bed."
So don't apologize. I hope you choke and die.
Search your cell for something with which to hang yourself.
They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven
but they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to
And everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again.)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)

So, is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.

And is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.
So let's end this call, and end this conversation.
and is that what you call a getaway?
well tell me what you got away with.
cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say best friends means friends forever

So, is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)
And everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)

I can’t help it. It makes me really angry that the same people who email me to ask if I’m ‘ok’ are the same people who didn’t mind berating me, cheating on me, financially ruining me, called CPS and filing a fake report on me and everything else- AND THEY WANT TO ASK IF I’M OKAY???

 

I don’t think so. This is just another attempt to keep any toe or finger in the door. And don’t give me that shit about being ‘genuinely concerned’. The only thing these people have ever been genuinely concerned with is getting what they can out of people to make themselves feel better and causing problems. I could have used some ‘genuine concern’ when someone jumped into a business deal they shouldn’t have and wiped out the board for everyone. I could have used some ‘genuine concern’ when I was being cheated on. I could have used some ‘genuine concern’ when I was left to care for every damn obligation that everyone around me seemed all too happy to start up but then dump in my lap when things stopped being ‘fun’.  

 

Narcissists don’t show genuine concern.

 

If I’m strong enough to dump all your shit on, then don’t fucking ask me if ‘I’m okay’ because of some stupid fucking weather. I see right through your charade. If you don’t mind shooting someone you ‘love’ in the face with a bazooka, you don’t get to ask them if they’re ‘okay’ about anything. That’s like the abusive fuck who beats the shit out of his wife and then shows up at the hospital with some shitty ass daisies and asks, ‘So- how ya feelin’?’ What do you care asshole? Don't show me concern now!

 

And what are you going to do if I’m not okay? What are you going to do? Point and laugh?

 

Get the fuck out of here.

i'm not okay.

Well here it is. Another shitty end to another shitty year that was preceded by another 30 some odd years of pure dog shit. If New Years was a physical entity I'd wish it full blown AIDS! Here's to 30 some odd years of failure, depression, anger, boredom, and loneliness.To the forces of nature that forced me into this world I'd like to say, GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH AN ABORTION VAC YOU FUCK! I'd also like to thank my dad for being too stupid to wear a rubber or pull out. I should have been a stain on a sheet or crammed up in the reservoir tip of a rubber. Thanks you fucking idiot. Good going. You were too retarded to handle your own life so have a kid. Yeah, that worked out fucking great. Douche bag! I hope you get violently raped in the mouth with a meat clever you fucking retard!


Anyone know where I can get a 131st trimester aborting preformed on myself?

The anger has found it's place and settled down (oh, but it's still very much there), and now the sorrow is setting in.
How do I keep on in this? How do I trust again?
I hate this whole situation.

It's strange, because when it was just overwhelming anger & resentment, I felt this inspiration and drive to overcome and say "fuck you" and go on to do something better, find something more. But now that's been kind of suffocated by lamentation for what once was, or seemed to be...
I want the anger to come back, so I can move on.
Maybe I need to feel this for a while though.
Such a mix of emotions... grr.

Again still, maybe I'll talk about specifics later...
-Liv-