Fuck This Place @ MindSay

Yes it is I. I am currently working again. I work at the Airport in Anchorage, Alaska. If you travel down hur look for me. Ill be at the Era Ticket Counter. I work monday-friday can u believe that. 3pm - 1am

I have seen 6 new movies this week. They were waist deep, superman returns, rv, click, lake house, and omen. Yes they were all good movies by the way. I am so tired and I still havent found a place to live. I am currently looking for a place for rent or to buy. I have 2 friends coming from North Dakota and Bethel to move with me. Well I am really bored now so I just wanted to finally say I am moving the Fuck out...........thank God.................ENJOY YOUR 4TH OF JULY EVERY1

i found out that my brother deleted the sims2 from this computer. i was, and still am pissed. i had things on here that i wanted to transfer over to the game on my lap top. i might have reacted harshly, but he still could have had the decency to ask. this isn't the first time he's done some bullshit like this either. i'm not doing this for christmas.

So I'm find after drinking last night, but now I'm back here in Santa Clara and already I feel like crying and running away. I've already gotten so bored that i started binge eating, my parents were watching a "Law and Order" of some sort about a rapist with no consideration to me, my cat wants nothing to do with me, and when I walk in my room i still see a shit load of the things my ex gave me. I want to talk to Nam, I want to talk to Nam and pretend it's a year ago and he still loves me and still wants something to do with me and is looking forward to seeing me, not like now. Now he doesn't give a fuck and couldn't care less. I guess it's just more Sims2 playing for me. i have no reason to be online and I have no reason to be doing anything else. This sux.

Now i'm thinking about it. the case, him, everything. thinking about my nightmares. thinking about all that. I went to middle eastern dance and as hard as i tried, I couldn't get the memories out of my head. I knew i couldn't go to english, so i'm not. I locked myself out, but luckily Emily was here to let me back in and now i'm typing this. I just want to call Nam. I want to call him and hear his voice. more so I want him to hold me in his arms while I cry into his chest. I want to feel his body against mine and his fingers running through my hair as he whispers in my ear, "it's ok, it will be ok. I love you." The thing is, I can't have that. Nam doesn't even want to see me over the break, and if i have to go to court over the break, he won't be there for me. I can't even call him cuz if he hears how upset I am or I start crying, he's probably gonna be so irritated that I called in the first place that he's not even going to try to calm me down or just tell me jokes and make me laught like he used to. I don't have a boyfriend now to say that he loves me and the world is an ok place. It's because no one loves me and the world isn't an ok place. I just have a bunch of guys who want to fuck me now who couldn't care less about my mental state as long as i was willing to be their little slut. This is the life that fucker left me with. Whoring my pride to men so that I know sex is ok while being alone and abandoned by the person who said he loved me. Well, I know Nam loved me. He just didn't love me as much as he said. Maybe it's not that he didn't love me enough. I'm just too crazy. That fucker needs to suffer for all this! I need my revenge! Won't some one help me get it?! :(

makin my cd has been hard but readin this book has really giving me alot of ideas like b4 i was just gonna write raps about anything but now i realized i should write about what has happened in my life for the 1st album then write about other stuff for the 2nd one. anyway how the motherfuck is it goin fo y'all? was anyone able to answer question yet i just wannna know cuz it semms every time i try i fail oh and by the way nicole lyn i am try to open up more with my girl and i'm trying not to be as parinoid but it is very difficult.well in other new's one of my friend's  said his mom said maybe to me livin there and that's cool cuz he is one of my best friend's that i have know since 7th grade. so hopfully his moms sez yes cuz that would be great me and my girl got into another fight yesterday man i swear girls sometimes can be so difficult but oh well it was just stupid stuf like the clithes she tried on and her trying to find a bra that she like and thne how arby's didn't give her her honey mustard sauce and of course me finding a place to stay. cuz she can't understand y her mom keep saying no cuz she said they have alot of space which they do but u wanna know her mom's reason for her saying no to me staying there is because.... i'm her boyfriend OMFG WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT LADY  the whole reason was because i was her b/f but what the fuck this isn't a b/f g/f issue it's a educational issue and she can't get that past her fuckin head and she said she felt munipulated and used WHAT THE FUCK  i felt used 2 cuz she treated me like family and like one of her son's and i thought i could go to her for something if i needed it but no fuck the fuck outta  here with that bullshit u need a place a stay hehe fuck u i'm not letting u stay here so no i'm might drop out that was one of the possibilities or trransfer but hopefully my friend's mom sez yes cuz even if  i transfer i would probably be held back and become a super senior then when that might happen i would have a car and license then i would just transfer bsck to cooper but i'm like WHAT THE FUCK!!! anyway let's change the subject shall we my friend aj sadi he was gonna commit suicide if he doesn't make eagle for scout's cuz he promised his grandpa b4 he died and how am i supposed to take that what the fuck am i suppossed to think huh? WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSSSED TO DO ABOUT  IT i mean this guy is like my fuckin brother treat him wiht respect like he was my bro and look up to him in away so what the fuck ... i tried to talk him oputta it so did my girl but he is so stubborn so that added more stress and i said that if he does kill himself then i wouldn't go to his funeral and i would probably piss on his grave and i don't know what t odo anymore i mean i know this is life and shit happens but what the fuck i'm trying to get out of depression not slip back into  it but how am i supposed to get better with this shit going on well i think that is it for now ok bye     - big j