Fuck Rape @ MindSay

This is so surreal. Not only that, but of the people quoted, the bit about what I said was the longest. holy shit.

I actually don't like that picture so much because it's just a collage of a bunch of pictures of different parts of the Quad during the rally. I'm in one of them, and if you remember where I was in the other one it shouldn't be too hard to find me. This whole thing has been so crazy, and now that i've read it, i'm not that afraid anymore.

The highlighted part is what I said, although oddly enough two people were quoted after me who spoke before me, and reading over what they said and thinking about it now after everything...i wasn't shaking and in tears this time. I was remembering that and remembering how I was, and I don't want to be like that anymore. Anyway, I don't know how many of you can read that, so here's what the highlighted part in that picture says:

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"The crowd listened as HSU freshman Jennifer Ruiz gave details of her encounter with her high school boyfriend, who she said was given six months probation after repeatedly raping her. Her main concern was the Counseling Center, [that's actually not true, but I can live with it] which she said turned her away when she sought help last September.

Ruiz said they turned her away for being 'too sick,' because they don't deal with long-term psychological problems. However, throughout the walkout, organizers announced that the Counseling Center was offering services for those who needed help.

'Why did it take for another person to get fucked up for the rest of their lives to realize that maybe they shouldn't be turning people away?' she asked the crowd in tears. [I actually wasn't crying, but i was pretty close.]

'You want to know how to make change? Start with legislation and bureaucracy like the one over there,' she said, pointing at the Health Center.

The Counseling Center wasn't able to comment by deadline."

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Luckily, it turns out that the Lumberjack does have a website, so here are the links to both that article and that section in gray that you see off to the right in that top picture incase you want to read that and the whole article. It won't let me just copy and past them. It's crazy, I remember how Willa saying that we should talk about our experiences filled me with such fear and I started crying, and then not even an hour later that's just what I did.

Article that I'm quoted in

Gray thing on the right

I really recomend that you read both. I don't know how many people actually read the Lumberjack, but I don't think that many I know do. Anyway, I have some things I need to accomplish today. Thanx for being there. <3

• Write WS article analysis for Thursday 
• Work on English portfolio
• Order more birth control (Before you say anything, it's for my period.)
• Call/set up appointment with Jennifer Sanford at Psyc. Services
• Go to NORML meeting Wednesday
• Go to Psyc. appointmnet on Thursday the 13th @ 1:00pm
• Go to job interview Thursday the 13th @ 2:40pm
• Do interview with that guy on Thursday the 13th @ 3:30pm
• Go to Meeting in Multi-Cultural Center Thursday the 13th @ 5:00pm
• Go to Criminal Justice Workshop Friday the 14th @ 1:00pm
• Find book for History ASAP
• Meet Jennifer Sanford on Monday at 11:00am
• DO LISTENING LOGS!!! DO FRIDAY!!!
• Take midterm Friday morning @ 9:00am

I wasn't sure whether to post these or not, but I remembered that a lot of the people who read my blog now didn't read it a year ago when a lot of this information was coming about, so I decided to anyway to help shed more light what I've been through. Don't forget that I also have a couple PTSD links to help you try to understand, too. Her e-mail is a reply to the one I posted in "My Big Step Vol. 3" and then I replied to that. Also, her text reference in here is because my text accidentally came out as black on a black background because of my blog. :P but yeah, I hope this helps you guys understand a little.

That reporter WAS from the Lumberjack! I guess there was another one there from the Eureka Times Standard that didn't say anything to me. Anyway, the Lumberjack reporter called me today and asked me some questions to clarify some things that I said so she could quote me in the newspaper. Its kind of scarey because I don't want to get in trouble for any of the Counseling Center/Psyc. Services stuff, but at the same time, the people who weren't there have a right to know, especially because there were people there saying that Psyc. Services would now take them. I did ask her to, though, and she said she would put it in there, clearly state that I do not have a problem with the people who work at Psyc. Services, just their policy. Cynthia and Laura and another woman today who is actually a director at Psyc. Services are all very helpful and they are nice to talk to, but the policy needs to change, especially because the anger and the rejection that the other two women who have told me about how they were turned away as well nearly if not completely matched mine, and that's more than just a simple miscomunication. There is one awesome thing, though- She's mentioning that St. Lawrence Academy didn't do a damn thing about it, so score one for me against that god aweful school. It's times like this I wish that Nam still talked to me, because even though its just a college newspaper, I still managed to tell a media outlet of one of the horrible injustices at that school. The only thing that's kind of scarey is what if someone reads that who knows me that wasn't there? It's just something I'm going to have to be ready for. I have this silly fear that if J finds out he's not going to want to have sex with me anymore. I'm not sure why. I just think that maybe he'd think it would be awkward. I hate my fucked up brain.

Anyway, she's not putting in any personal details in the paper, and it goes out Wednesday. She said she's going to call me back if she needs any further clarification. This is so crazy- Me, of all the fucking people in the world, have now been quoted in two local newspapers, moved people to tears with my story, and have had god knows how many people come up to me afterwards and share theirs. I think it was in my previous entry that I talked about a woman who approached me TODAY, THIS MORNING!!! And at the meeting yesterday, two of the women there not only thanked me for speaking and all that, but they're the ones who told me that I had been quoted in the Eureka Times Standard. They thought it was funny that I got quoted "for swearing." :P It's funny because one of them is the bitch LGA that wrote me and 10 other people up for drinking in November when she had no probable cause for even knocking on Erin's door. This is still amazing, though. I really do feel like a different person in so many ways. It almost seems like everything does happen for a reason. I guess the biggest shock is that this is ME we're talking about, little fucked up ME. How...crazy. :O!

Another interesting thing to bring up- Two years ago on the 5th was the last time that I was raped and it was the day that he dumped me. Yes, I said that right, he dumped me, but it was because I wouldn't kiss him. God he was so angry. Anyway, two years ago as of the 13th was the last time that I was "sexually assaulted." (Long story short, he started grabing me and wouldn't let go though I kept telling him to. I managed to fight him off, then he tried to tell me that he did it in his sleep. Horse-fucking-shit.) I'd post links to both the 5th of April last year and to when that chik wrote us up in November, but for some reason the "Older" button on my calander isn't working. :( Hopefully it'll start working later and then I can post it. With that I guess i'm going to get ready and wait until 7:00pm because there is another meeting I'll prabably go to for a little bit. Sorry for all the long entries lately everyone, but I just figure that those who really care will read it all, and those who don't...oh well i guess. I have faith that someday all of the entries I've written here will come in handy and well help somebody.:)

I was wrong, that reporter wasn't from the Lumberjack- She was from the Eureka Times Standard, and SHE QUOTED ME!!!! OMG!!!! and yes- That is a picture of about half of the crowd I spoke in front of. By the way, if this is too hard for you to read, I posted the link to this article at the very end of the entry. holy shit...

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HSU students rally in wake of sexual assault

ARCATA -- Students brainstormed the idea just 16 hours earlier, but hundreds attended a rally at Humboldt State University to share their outrage and sadness over a campus rape this week. Campus police said a 19-year-old student reported a sexual assault by a stranger at knifepoint on Tuesday night. Thursday afternoon, students gathered on the university quad with signs on plain brown cardboard bearing messages like “Men Against Violence Against Women,” “Rape Affects All of Us,” and “In Solidarity with Survivors of Violence.” Students led the group in chants like, “However we dress/Wherever we go/Yes means yes/No means no!” The event was intended to get people talking and thinking about the issue of rape in general, not just this particular case, said student Willa Damon, one of the event organizers. She said more open dialogue is needed. ”Rape happens on this campus and in this community, and people don't know that it happens,” she said. An open-microphone rally was followed by a self-defense class and a men's discussion group. At the open mic, one woman said her own rape experience convinced her that laws need to be changed. She said she was raped and abused over a period of three years, but her rapist was sentenced to just six months' probation. She said it's still difficult to talk about. ”This goes on all the time without it being reported because, let me tell you, it is f hard,” she said. (HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS ME!!!!!) Another woman said she was drugged and raped seven years ago. ”I waited a month to tell any of my friends because I thought it was my fault,” she said. Another speaker noted that stranger assaults are less common than rapes by acquaintances. ”Recognize it's not just the guy who comes up with the knife,” she said. “It's the guys who we go out with, who we know.” She said she's attended events of this type since 1980 and is disappointed that little has changed since then. But another woman said that events years ago were attended by almost all women. On Thursday, several dozen men gathered by the clock tower, standing in silent solidarity. ”I am so, so touched to see the number of men who are here,” she said. One man said half the women he's dated have been victims of previous sexual assault. Professor Eric Rofes said his class Wednesday night started to just go about business as usual after briefly mentioning the rape, before a student said they needed to talk about what had happened. ”I was grateful for the woman who interrupted the silence,” he said. Organizer Damon, in a brief interview after the event, said students in Rofes' class on activism and community organizing discussed the rape, then hastily sent out e-mails and made up fliers Wednesday evening. She said she hopes it will lead to ongoing activism against violence. Damon said the group collected e-mail addresses of 240 people who've said they want to continue these efforts. Next week, Take Back the Night events are scheduled at both HSU and College of the Redwoods. Events throughout the week culminate with a rally and march the night of April 14, starting at 6 p.m. on the HSU Quad. The full schedule is at http://www.humboldt.edu/~hsuwomen.

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http://www.times-standard.com/fastsearchresults/ci_3683967

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UPDATE: I was curious about something, so I clicked on the image to make it bigger and I was right-

I KNOW that that's me and Emily. That's exactly where we were sitting and I can especially recognize what she's wearing. This picture was taken towards the beginning, so the maximum number of people who attended at one time hadn't even happened yet, and like I said above, this is only like half of the area I spoke in front of.