Ftm @ MindSay 
so i have been thinking lately, about my taste in music.
it's actually rather confusing, really.
i'm really into anything with a good dance beat, most music from the 80s...lots of 50s-60s oldies and also emo/punk pop and some hip-hop/r&b.
hell, i won't lie...i also like the 90s country.
but i have wondered if some people view my masculinity a little more skewed or not at all because i gravitate to music that is pretty much "traditionally" viewed as the taste of a homosexual man.
which is fine..i'm a gay transman.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT...are some viewing me as female because i like that stuff? and what is "manly" music anyway?
not that i care...it was just something i was thinking about.
for instance, i love ABBA!! and Madonna...i just downloaded a metric TON of it last week. i dunno. maybe i am a girly boy.
i don't care, though.
-kage jonas
So I needed somewhere to type a journal and a friend hooked me up. So here it is my shiney new journal. So I am going to begin to talk about things that seem to bother my mind. Like my name. My name is Jessica by law. I was given this name at birth because i was born with a vagina. Now as a little kid I dressed and acted like a girl for the most part. I was a tomboy but still acted like a girl. High school came and I began dressing and acting like a guy more and more. Mostly without even realizing what I was doing. I did have ppoints where I acted real girly but always went back to being this manly so called lesbian. Anyways so I just went on living life as a masculine female. But December of 2007 I was introduced to the world of drag. I would be a female dressed exactly like a male facial hair and everything. So with the help of a friend or two I tape down the tatas and went out as a guy. Oh was it fun and felt so comfortable being seen as a guy. I feel like I have more self confidence when I am viewed as a male. So since that I have been doing a lot of thinking and going out more often as a guy. Even once and a while performing as a drag king at area bars. I love the different life I have as a male. When I am dressed like a male my name is Jake and I love being called Jake. Most people know that and call me that full time instead of my real birth name, Jessica. The more and more I live my day to day life the more and more I see that I am currently living as the wrong sex. When i enter into a public bathroom I go into the one with the picture of a person in a dress for women. While in there i feel awkward and like I am not where I should be. When i am in the bathroom and I am getting ready to get in the shower and i glance over at the mirror and see a female body. I do not like what I see. I see the proper face but from the neck down I am all wrong. I know it. When I wear pants made for the female I feel awkward in my own clothes. There is a sense of having to walk different in them. Not sure what that is. For Christmas I asked for some new clothes but only clothes I pick out so that way I can buy mens clothes. I just want to start living my life how I want it to be, not how other want it to be. I was at Kmart the other day with my mom and i showed her some cologne i want. I point out this mens cologne and instead of saying okay she says "Why cant you smell like a girl?" I didnt exactly know what to say to this. Only a few of my friends know about me and my so called gender questioning. So therefore my mom has no clue. Anyways all I could reply with was that I dont want to smell like a damn flower. I instantly switch the conversation onto something else. A day or two ago my grandmother asked if I wanted to go buy a nice girly sweater for christmas and I just said I am going to wear a shirt and tye. How she took that comment is up to her. I drop such comments once and a while just to see what gets said by my family and or friends. I dont think if I ever decided to come out to them about wanting to be a male that it would be well accepted. I love my family to death but I just feel more and more distant as time goes on. I go to holidays dressed in mens clothes and walk and act like a guy b ut no one seems to get it. They still even crack gay jokes when I am around like its not obvious I date girls. Ever notice every holiday I bring a female and she gets introduced as my friend. Wierd huh? Anyways thats about it for today. I want to take a nap since I will be up late tonight at the bar.
it would appear that everyone i touch is trans.
let me first explain myself:
it seems like some of my friends who i am rather close to are suddenly trans.
now that it's been almost 2 years for me and i'm getting much more comfortable with not having the money to do anything about it (i wish i did, but what can you do?)...some of my friends are experimenting with transsexuality.
it's funny. i could be a jerk and say that they are "copying" me. or i could just say the truth: i'm some sort of role model.
it's flattering, but unnerving a little as well. i have had 3 close friends become drag kings (2 are my sons, one is my brother...i will explain that in another post)...and begin to experiment with gender and the idea of permanent transition.
it's a strange world. maybe it's the water? lol
-kage jonas
1. Homosexuality is completely unnatural.
(like microwave ovens, polyester and erectile dysfunction medication)
2. Homosexual marriage would ruin the sanctity of marriage.
(oh, you mean like the rising divorce rate and polygamy?)
3. Homosexuals would raise gay children.
(because straight parents raise only straight children)
4. Children cannot grow up well-adjusted without a parent of each gender present.
(single parenting is illegal as well)
5. Gay People only impose their sexuality on others.
(and advertising campaigns don't do the same thing?)
6. If Gay Marriage is legalized, it will morally corrupt my children!
(Have another beer and beat your wife some more, I'm sure that won't corrupt them at all)
7. Gay people can't form lasting relationships?
(I know gay couples who have been together longer than my parents...)
8. All gay people get AIDS
(that's just stupid.)
9. Heterosexual marriage has never changed
(women are still property, whites can't marry blacks and divorce is unheard of)
10. Gay marriage is a gateway drug. Soon, people will try to marry their pets.
(yes, because my kitten can sign a marriage license, not to mention having legal standing)
11. Civil unions are exactly the same as heterosexual marriage.
(they are a "separate but equal" clause. the government has been successful with them for ages! blacks and whites don't attend the same schools and cannot marry. it worked fine for them)
12. The Bible says....
(i believe that's the old testament...you know, the same one that says it's okay to have many wives...and that women are property)
-kage jonas
Alarmingly, when people meet me, if they know my gender-status (aka, that i'm a transsexual) they think that gives them some right to ask and/or say certain things. Well, I figured I would be helpful and answer some of those questions for you right here in my blog.
1. Don't be offended when I ask you this...
- Stop right there...it's obviously going to offend me.
2. What is your "real" name?
- Kage. idiot.
3. I know someone who is trans...so I totally get it.
- Yeah, so do I. That doesn't make you an expert, especially if you aren't. Now if you are lending me some support, sure. But don't pretend you know me specifically just because you know another transsexual.
4. How do you have sex?
- With my sex parts, moron.
5. Are you a boy or a girl?
- How flattering. Are you?
6. Do you date straight women or lesbians?
- Hm. what do you think?
7. I've seen "Boys Don't Cry"[or insert movie with a transsexual main character]), I understand what you're going through.
- No, you probably don't.
8. Do you like boys or girls?
- Yes.
9. Are you a top or a bottom?
- We will not be having sex. EVER.
10. Are you a tranny?
- idiot. and don't say "tranny"...it's rude to some of us. (not me, of course)
11. What do transsexuals eat?
- babies. crunchy, human babies.
12. What kind of surgery are you getting to become a man?
- a tonsilectomy. what do you think?
13. How does it feel to be a transsexual?
- fabulous.
14. Where are your boobs?
- I'm a boy. So don't ask this. it's rude.
15. You're going to Hell.
- See you there, shitbag.
16. You are a lesbian, stop pretending to be a man.
- Only after you stop pretending to be a decent human being. Nobody has the right to evaluate me like that...especially not you.
there's more soon, but this is all i could think of.
Showing 1 - 5. [ Next ]
