Frustrated @ MindSay 
angry
[Blog #236] --- Depressed --- [Tuesday] - Lapsed...
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I was standing at the bus stop by Eston Baths this morning waiting for the college bus - a 22 came by and Adam got off it. I thought it was a bit strange, considering he'd probably paid a full fare to Middlesbrough but decided to get off early. Either way - he sat with me on the bus into college. Shakira was on the radio and Adam was singing along with it - fairly amusing. :)
I was hoping Sarah wouldn't be in college today - but she fucking was. Gah.
I took 25 video stills as the precautionary measure, incase the video goes tits-up. Sarah came to hassle me - she twisted my arm and made me show her some of the raw clips. She asked to see the ones I liked - but I told her I didn't like any of them - so she re-worded it to 'the best ones'. Sigh.
She set me the task of doing a bit of the editing - and it's only thanks to Rammstein that I managed it. I had Pussy, Reise Reise and Spieluhr playing on Lisa to motivate me a little.
And Sarah's a cheeky cow - when I asked her to guess how many seconds I'd done - she said five. In effect, I've done 30 - but they're like a work-in-progress, I'll probably end up deleting it anyway...
I played Pokémon Diamond in my breaks - I got the 6th gym badge and released the three legendaries from the lakes. I've saved it at Snowpoint City - I fucking hate sinking in the snow.
3 Inches Of Blood fit oddly well with Pokémon battles... :/
I was so restless in my session with Dianne.
I had the cushion from the chair on my lap and I was playing with the zip.
I've lapsed into that mood where I sit there and do fuck all - and I kept yawning. We'd previously discussed this - but we made the link that when I'm embarrassed during a discussion, I'll yawn a lot. But we weren't really discussing anything that would make me feel that way.
I naturally told her about the recent events - mainly about the problem with the film sequence editing - but unlike most times, I didn't have anything major on my mind. I just feel generally shitty and pointless and I want to hurt myself all the time.
In English, I officially wasted 90 minutes of my life.
Angela gave us an old exam paper and told us to write an answer. My hand seized up, my mind flashed and paralysed itself and I just gave up before I'd even written the title.
I spent most of the time drawing little cartoon dudes on my folder. I think I might have created a new cartoon doodle dude to accompany my old creation, Angry Man.
I'll post a picture of him when I can be arsed scanning it - he starts off being a smiley face - then I give him an open mouth, slanted in a grimace, drooling on his chin. I give him floppy blonde hair with a fringe, side layers and long locks at the back - big round ears and a V-necked shirt. I need to think of a name for him.
I also need to fucking write something before the English exam - if I can't write a sentence when it comes to coursework/exam - I'm throwing away 80+ UCAS points.
Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog #236
Lapsed...
Lapsed...
I was standing at the bus stop by Eston Baths this morning waiting for the college bus - a 22 came by and Adam got off it. I thought it was a bit strange, considering he'd probably paid a full fare to Middlesbrough but decided to get off early. Either way - he sat with me on the bus into college. Shakira was on the radio and Adam was singing along with it - fairly amusing. :)
I was hoping Sarah wouldn't be in college today - but she fucking was. Gah.
I took 25 video stills as the precautionary measure, incase the video goes tits-up. Sarah came to hassle me - she twisted my arm and made me show her some of the raw clips. She asked to see the ones I liked - but I told her I didn't like any of them - so she re-worded it to 'the best ones'. Sigh.
She set me the task of doing a bit of the editing - and it's only thanks to Rammstein that I managed it. I had Pussy, Reise Reise and Spieluhr playing on Lisa to motivate me a little.
And Sarah's a cheeky cow - when I asked her to guess how many seconds I'd done - she said five. In effect, I've done 30 - but they're like a work-in-progress, I'll probably end up deleting it anyway...
I played Pokémon Diamond in my breaks - I got the 6th gym badge and released the three legendaries from the lakes. I've saved it at Snowpoint City - I fucking hate sinking in the snow.
3 Inches Of Blood fit oddly well with Pokémon battles... :/
I was so restless in my session with Dianne.
I had the cushion from the chair on my lap and I was playing with the zip.
I've lapsed into that mood where I sit there and do fuck all - and I kept yawning. We'd previously discussed this - but we made the link that when I'm embarrassed during a discussion, I'll yawn a lot. But we weren't really discussing anything that would make me feel that way.
I naturally told her about the recent events - mainly about the problem with the film sequence editing - but unlike most times, I didn't have anything major on my mind. I just feel generally shitty and pointless and I want to hurt myself all the time.
In English, I officially wasted 90 minutes of my life.
Angela gave us an old exam paper and told us to write an answer. My hand seized up, my mind flashed and paralysed itself and I just gave up before I'd even written the title.
I spent most of the time drawing little cartoon dudes on my folder. I think I might have created a new cartoon doodle dude to accompany my old creation, Angry Man.
I'll post a picture of him when I can be arsed scanning it - he starts off being a smiley face - then I give him an open mouth, slanted in a grimace, drooling on his chin. I give him floppy blonde hair with a fringe, side layers and long locks at the back - big round ears and a V-necked shirt. I need to think of a name for him.
I also need to fucking write something before the English exam - if I can't write a sentence when it comes to coursework/exam - I'm throwing away 80+ UCAS points.
Annoyed
Dear New Found Glory,
Why are you so against me getting to actually see you in concert? I am a very nice girl, and I shower pretty regularly (that's once a day in girl world). I even do silly things like donate blood, give money to charity, and teach kids with severe special needs; a lot of people think things like I just listed are examples of good karma.
And yet... and yet, I still have not seen you in concert since I was about a freshman or sophomore in high school (age 15 max...I'm now 24). I wasn't even a fan of yours back then; I knew a few songs, but I saw you guys play because you were opening for other bands (hell, I spent most of one of the shows just wishing Ian would put a friggin' shirt on!) I actually wanted to see. I've only really been listening to your music since about October of 2007. I think I've made up for lost time in the fan department, because I've let you guys creep up into my top 5 these last 2 years, but I still haven't gotten to see you play your music.
There was that botched show last September, where I had to leave at 10 to make the last train home at 12:30 (I FUCKING HATE NEW JERSEY STILL, BTW), and when I was still standing there at 10:15, my friend pissed at me because she swore we'd miss the train (we didn't), you still hadn't taken the stage. Not even one damn note. I got to see ISHC, and you picked great opening acts, but...too numerous.
And you KICKED ASS at the Bamboozle, where you played Green Day proud, but of course, I couldn't go on Saturday when you were playing yourselves.
And now, you're going on tour with Dashboard, DASHBOARD, another act I've been waiting to see since I was 14...and every damn show that in theory I could get to... I can't get to. Why aren't any of the shows that I could conceivably drive to (or hell, I'd fly to Chicago or someplace else I wanna go anyway) on Saturday nights? Or even shows more local to me on Friday nights? I realize I'm probably gonna have to go alone because I don't know anyone here. Fine. I'll be that girl.
....but give me a chance to fucking GO.
Incredibly Frustrated,
Emily
Why are you so against me getting to actually see you in concert? I am a very nice girl, and I shower pretty regularly (that's once a day in girl world). I even do silly things like donate blood, give money to charity, and teach kids with severe special needs; a lot of people think things like I just listed are examples of good karma.
And yet... and yet, I still have not seen you in concert since I was about a freshman or sophomore in high school (age 15 max...I'm now 24). I wasn't even a fan of yours back then; I knew a few songs, but I saw you guys play because you were opening for other bands (hell, I spent most of one of the shows just wishing Ian would put a friggin' shirt on!) I actually wanted to see. I've only really been listening to your music since about October of 2007. I think I've made up for lost time in the fan department, because I've let you guys creep up into my top 5 these last 2 years, but I still haven't gotten to see you play your music.
There was that botched show last September, where I had to leave at 10 to make the last train home at 12:30 (I FUCKING HATE NEW JERSEY STILL, BTW), and when I was still standing there at 10:15, my friend pissed at me because she swore we'd miss the train (we didn't), you still hadn't taken the stage. Not even one damn note. I got to see ISHC, and you picked great opening acts, but...too numerous.
And you KICKED ASS at the Bamboozle, where you played Green Day proud, but of course, I couldn't go on Saturday when you were playing yourselves.
And now, you're going on tour with Dashboard, DASHBOARD, another act I've been waiting to see since I was 14...and every damn show that in theory I could get to... I can't get to. Why aren't any of the shows that I could conceivably drive to (or hell, I'd fly to Chicago or someplace else I wanna go anyway) on Saturday nights? Or even shows more local to me on Friday nights? I realize I'm probably gonna have to go alone because I don't know anyone here. Fine. I'll be that girl.
....but give me a chance to fucking GO.
Incredibly Frustrated,
Emily
Is It Moving Day Yet?
So, it is Wednesday. How do I wish I could say it was Saturday but I can't. Yes, I know, it is getting closer but not close enough. I am tired of boxes and nothing but clutter. I just want my house to be my house and be nice and neat. I have packed all that can be packed for now which is a two-bedroom house worth of stuff. I did it all by myself too. I know, stop whinning. I don't mean to but I am so over it already but unfortunately it is all just beginning. Anyone want to help?
Humanities paper from hell + other stuff
Quite honestly I'm not very surprised.
On another note, I finally get to spend time working on the collab. :3 Raven has already started, and it has been my turn for a while now, but I've just been so busy and stressed that I couldn't get myself to work on it.
But Raven seriously needs some help, though. He really rushed it the first time he wrote his section, it sounded more like a summary than anything else. So I told him to flesh it out, and he explained that he was trying to cut down on unnecessary babble and just get on with the story. I told him that there was a fine line between too much information and not enough, and that he crosssed the line a little bit, and he agreed to work on it.
The problem is, now he's adding unnecessary details. He definitely needed more detail, but not the kind he's adding. :/ It's just BORING. I told him to include what his character sees and experiences, but he's not good at that, apparently.
The only reason I'm really bugging him about it is that I know that there are some of us who use a lot of detail when writing (myself included). We have to be able to shape this into a cohesive style, something we missed out on last time, which caused it to suffer.
Taylor and I have our work cut out for us as betas. ^^;;; We have a lot of new people who are pretty young, and we have no idea on their writing skill. I expect to be rearranging sentences so that it flows better a lot; I've already run into that with Raven. Taylor and I have decided that she would go through it first, fixing minor things like spelling and grammar, and anything awkward that she decides is bad enough to merit changing. Since I have more guts to tear things apart, I'll go through it and fix the flow and try and mesh the style into something more singular.
It will still be their writing, I'm not going to completely tear it apart or anything, I'm just going to FIX it, like I would as anyone else's beta.
So yeah. :3
I came up with a oneshot idea a couple of days back. But I had a little tiny plot hole, so I had been brainstorming ways to fix it. Fortunately, Sunday night as I was going to sleep I figured it out completely. Satisfied, I went to sleep.
I really wish I had thought to WRITE IT DOWN, because I had completely forgotten what I had planned by Monday afternoon, when I finally had time to work on it. :/
That night I sat down and tried to rack my brain for the information, but it didn't come. I managed to piece together another way to fix it, although not as good as the first time, but then the unthinkable happened.
My MS Word subscription ran out. None of my documents in docx format work. I can open them, but they're read only. I can't even copy and paste. WHAT. THE. FUCK. AT LEAST LET ME COPY AND PASTE IT INTO WORDPAD, IT'S MY FREAKING WORK!!
Of course, I still had to finish my Humanities paper that night, so after a few moments of freaking out I decided to try saving it on my flashdrive and work on it on the desktop. Thankfully that worked, so I finished my paper. I didn't want to deal with my oneshot after that, so it has sat locked on my laptop since then.
What a piece of shit. Now I have to download my sister's MS Office so that I can do anything beyond read my documents.
I could technically just retype everything, but there's NO WAY I'm doing that, that would take too long. Of course, by now I have forgotten my new way of fixing my plot hole, so I have to sit and think about it again. I haven't been able to concentrate on it as of late, though. Most of the thunder of the idea is gone. :/
But it's SUMMER, so I should have plenty of time to get back into the idea again. XD
Still on the topic of fanfiction, The Village Square's monthly contest is still plugging along. I haven't entered since January, with my fanfic All I Deserve (the theme was Opposites). But this month (er, last month), I manged to get inspired by the theme Secrets, and wrote a funny little oneshot called Dirty Little Pleasure.
The title is a little misleading, since it's only T in rating because of very mild language, but whatever. XD It fits, I think. Surprisingly, it's a crossdressing fic. I just got so amused by the idea of Jake from Rune Factory 2 (the most angry character in the game) dressed up as a french maid that I couldn't help myself. XDDD I BLAME KINGDOM HEARTS FANFICTION XPPP
Voting started last night at midnight, and I put in my votes a couple hours ago at my grandma's. It was sooooo hard to pick. I managed to narrow it down to 7, but after that it got real painful. DX
I really don't think I'll win, because the contest focuses on Harvest Moon more than Rune Factory, and my fic is something only a select few will like and probably vote for. I think that's the reason why the last time I entered I only got 1 vote - then again, I was probably lucky that I got one, because there were so many entries that some people didn't get any votes at all. There's more votes allowed this time, but I have a feeling that quite a few are going to end up unloved. ^^;
Plus, I think my entry the last time was a lot better than this one. And there's so many other amazing entries, I really don't think I'll win. I will be pleasantly surprised if I even get a vote. XD
This weekend is the 4th of July~ I'm excited. Normally we go to my uncle's house on the lake and watch the fireworks over the water, but I think this time I'm going out with some friends Saturday to watch some somewhere in downtown Detroit. Should be fun; I don't head that way very often, and it has been a long time since I've seen some people.
I really want to hang out with Andrea, though, that's pretty much the only reason I'm going - she said I should. XD;
BUT I'M SUPER EXCITED ANYWAY. 8D
This is getting super duper long, so that'll be it for this update.
Goodnight, digital abyss.
Kitsune no Tora
Drinking: Monster energy drink
Listening to: Spongebob Squarepants playing in the background
Should be doing: Finding a new job, actually taking my medicine, fanfic writing
Should have already done: FAFSA
Kitsune no Tora is feeling: As of Monday: Frustrated, overwelmed, tired
Today: Relieved, freed
The past week and the beginning of this one was just TERRIBLE and STRESSFUL.
I absolutely despise the paper assigned to us by my Humanities paper. It's so out of my element. :/ We had to take some piece of art/architecture from the metropolitan Detroit area and write a research paper.
I wasn't completely clear on what we were supposed to DO, and that's just so broad of a subject that I was just at a loss for what to do. I ended up putting it off, and, the day it was due, I had nothing.
Since the paper was a third of our grade, I had to come up with SOMETHING, no matter how terrible, because otherwise I would fail the class. Which would be a very very bad idea. D: I ended up deciding on Thursday night (it was due that afternoon) to do my school, since the architecture is pretty cool and I figured the information would be simple to get, I did have the library of the same college to root through.
Boy was I wrong. It was IMPOSSIBLE to find anything on the buildings themselves. I couldn't even find the damn architects. DX The only name that came up was Perkins and Will, but when I searched it nothing for the school came up. :/ And there were absolutely no records available to me on campus.
I ended up scrambling and bullshitting my way through the entire paper, and STILL ended up a page short. :/ There wasn't much I could do, though, so hopefully I'll get at least a C on it. Any lower than that and I get a C for the class, which isn't good at all. D:
Trigonometry has also been kicking my ass. I really hope I did decently on my final today, although I'm not confident at all. The entire second section was just one big train wreck. DX Edit: I just got my grade from my teacher. I completely BOMBED it, like I thought I did. I got an F, leaving me with a C in the class. DDDX Damn it, that just totally toasted my grade point average. DX
But, there is ONE good thing about today: I AM FREEEEEEEEE~ <3 Until September, anyway.
I only get like, a half of summer. ;_; I'm never taking summer classes again. D: It was just baaaaaaaad.
Just for the hell of it, I did that rate my life thing.
Drinking: Monster energy drink
Listening to: Spongebob Squarepants playing in the background
Should be doing: Finding a new job, actually taking my medicine, fanfic writing
Should have already done: FAFSA
Kitsune no Tora is feeling: As of Monday: Frustrated, overwelmed, tired
Today: Relieved, freed
The past week and the beginning of this one was just TERRIBLE and STRESSFUL.
I absolutely despise the paper assigned to us by my Humanities paper. It's so out of my element. :/ We had to take some piece of art/architecture from the metropolitan Detroit area and write a research paper.
I wasn't completely clear on what we were supposed to DO, and that's just so broad of a subject that I was just at a loss for what to do. I ended up putting it off, and, the day it was due, I had nothing.
Since the paper was a third of our grade, I had to come up with SOMETHING, no matter how terrible, because otherwise I would fail the class. Which would be a very very bad idea. D: I ended up deciding on Thursday night (it was due that afternoon) to do my school, since the architecture is pretty cool and I figured the information would be simple to get, I did have the library of the same college to root through.
Boy was I wrong. It was IMPOSSIBLE to find anything on the buildings themselves. I couldn't even find the damn architects. DX The only name that came up was Perkins and Will, but when I searched it nothing for the school came up. :/ And there were absolutely no records available to me on campus.
I ended up scrambling and bullshitting my way through the entire paper, and STILL ended up a page short. :/ There wasn't much I could do, though, so hopefully I'll get at least a C on it. Any lower than that and I get a C for the class, which isn't good at all. D:
Trigonometry has also been kicking my ass. I really hope I did decently on my final today, although I'm not confident at all. The entire second section was just one big train wreck. DX Edit: I just got my grade from my teacher. I completely BOMBED it, like I thought I did. I got an F, leaving me with a C in the class. DDDX Damn it, that just totally toasted my grade point average. DX
But, there is ONE good thing about today: I AM FREEEEEEEEE~ <3 Until September, anyway.
I only get like, a half of summer. ;_; I'm never taking summer classes again. D: It was just baaaaaaaad.
Just for the hell of it, I did that rate my life thing.
| This Is My Life, Rated | |
| Life: |  4.9 |
| Mind: |  5.8 |
| Body: | 5 |
| Spirit: | 5.5 |
| Friends/Family: |  3.2 |
| Love: |  0 |
| Finance: | 5.2 |
| Take the Rate My Life Quiz | |
Quite honestly I'm not very surprised.
On another note, I finally get to spend time working on the collab. :3 Raven has already started, and it has been my turn for a while now, but I've just been so busy and stressed that I couldn't get myself to work on it.
But Raven seriously needs some help, though. He really rushed it the first time he wrote his section, it sounded more like a summary than anything else. So I told him to flesh it out, and he explained that he was trying to cut down on unnecessary babble and just get on with the story. I told him that there was a fine line between too much information and not enough, and that he crosssed the line a little bit, and he agreed to work on it.
The problem is, now he's adding unnecessary details. He definitely needed more detail, but not the kind he's adding. :/ It's just BORING. I told him to include what his character sees and experiences, but he's not good at that, apparently.
The only reason I'm really bugging him about it is that I know that there are some of us who use a lot of detail when writing (myself included). We have to be able to shape this into a cohesive style, something we missed out on last time, which caused it to suffer.
Taylor and I have our work cut out for us as betas. ^^;;; We have a lot of new people who are pretty young, and we have no idea on their writing skill. I expect to be rearranging sentences so that it flows better a lot; I've already run into that with Raven. Taylor and I have decided that she would go through it first, fixing minor things like spelling and grammar, and anything awkward that she decides is bad enough to merit changing. Since I have more guts to tear things apart, I'll go through it and fix the flow and try and mesh the style into something more singular.
It will still be their writing, I'm not going to completely tear it apart or anything, I'm just going to FIX it, like I would as anyone else's beta.
So yeah. :3
I came up with a oneshot idea a couple of days back. But I had a little tiny plot hole, so I had been brainstorming ways to fix it. Fortunately, Sunday night as I was going to sleep I figured it out completely. Satisfied, I went to sleep.
I really wish I had thought to WRITE IT DOWN, because I had completely forgotten what I had planned by Monday afternoon, when I finally had time to work on it. :/
That night I sat down and tried to rack my brain for the information, but it didn't come. I managed to piece together another way to fix it, although not as good as the first time, but then the unthinkable happened.
My MS Word subscription ran out. None of my documents in docx format work. I can open them, but they're read only. I can't even copy and paste. WHAT. THE. FUCK. AT LEAST LET ME COPY AND PASTE IT INTO WORDPAD, IT'S MY FREAKING WORK!!
Of course, I still had to finish my Humanities paper that night, so after a few moments of freaking out I decided to try saving it on my flashdrive and work on it on the desktop. Thankfully that worked, so I finished my paper. I didn't want to deal with my oneshot after that, so it has sat locked on my laptop since then.
What a piece of shit. Now I have to download my sister's MS Office so that I can do anything beyond read my documents.
I could technically just retype everything, but there's NO WAY I'm doing that, that would take too long. Of course, by now I have forgotten my new way of fixing my plot hole, so I have to sit and think about it again. I haven't been able to concentrate on it as of late, though. Most of the thunder of the idea is gone. :/
But it's SUMMER, so I should have plenty of time to get back into the idea again. XD
Still on the topic of fanfiction, The Village Square's monthly contest is still plugging along. I haven't entered since January, with my fanfic All I Deserve (the theme was Opposites). But this month (er, last month), I manged to get inspired by the theme Secrets, and wrote a funny little oneshot called Dirty Little Pleasure.
The title is a little misleading, since it's only T in rating because of very mild language, but whatever. XD It fits, I think. Surprisingly, it's a crossdressing fic. I just got so amused by the idea of Jake from Rune Factory 2 (the most angry character in the game) dressed up as a french maid that I couldn't help myself. XDDD I BLAME KINGDOM HEARTS FANFICTION XPPP
Voting started last night at midnight, and I put in my votes a couple hours ago at my grandma's. It was sooooo hard to pick. I managed to narrow it down to 7, but after that it got real painful. DX
I really don't think I'll win, because the contest focuses on Harvest Moon more than Rune Factory, and my fic is something only a select few will like and probably vote for. I think that's the reason why the last time I entered I only got 1 vote - then again, I was probably lucky that I got one, because there were so many entries that some people didn't get any votes at all. There's more votes allowed this time, but I have a feeling that quite a few are going to end up unloved. ^^;
Plus, I think my entry the last time was a lot better than this one. And there's so many other amazing entries, I really don't think I'll win. I will be pleasantly surprised if I even get a vote. XD
This weekend is the 4th of July~ I'm excited. Normally we go to my uncle's house on the lake and watch the fireworks over the water, but I think this time I'm going out with some friends Saturday to watch some somewhere in downtown Detroit. Should be fun; I don't head that way very often, and it has been a long time since I've seen some people.
I really want to hang out with Andrea, though, that's pretty much the only reason I'm going - she said I should. XD;
BUT I'M SUPER EXCITED ANYWAY. 8D
This is getting super duper long, so that'll be it for this update.
Goodnight, digital abyss.
br00t.
I just want to kiss you again, and feel you, and taste you, and breathe you in. I want you to grab my wrist and pull me back when I want to walk away, and you saying "Come back here." I want your forehead pressed against mine and you smiling to make me smile. I want to touch your face and lock my fingers in your hair when we're kissing. I want to hold your hand on the walk home and stop to kiss you every few minutes. You have the softest hands, I've ever felt on me. When you kissed me, I got chills, and I was so happy when you used to talk to me all the fucking time. I was so fucking nervous around you, I couldn't even sit down, I couldn't get comfortable until you kissed me in the drive way. Your scent fucking haunts me now, I get so ridiculously upset if I smell a smell that's similar to yours, or randomly smell it in my room from memory. Today of all days is the day I miss you so much. I guess because tomorrow is a month...oh well. I guess I just really need to get this out there, on here, where you hopefully won't see it.
I just wish you still talked to me, I wish I could see you again, I wish you were my best friend.
:[
fuck. i need to let this go before it ruins my summer. i'm gonna keep editing this, i know it.
I just wish you still talked to me, I wish I could see you again, I wish you were my best friend.
:[
fuck. i need to let this go before it ruins my summer. i'm gonna keep editing this, i know it.
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