Friendship @ MindSay

So, today is Yom Kippur, the day we're supposed to be inscribed in the Book of Life according to Jewish tradition.

Today is a day of self-reflection and forgiveness seeking, a chance to purge all the wrong-doings you've committed in the past year.  You ask forgiveness of those you may have wronged, and hopefully receive it.

So that's what this post is.  Incredibly informal and impersonal, I know... but it's just kind of a cover-all.  I do not consider myself to be overly offensive or abrasive on here, but I can't guarantee it.  For this, I want to apologize for any off-color or off-the-cuff remarks I may have made or seem to have made (sarcasm does not translate well on a computer, as I'm sure many of you know) that caused you pain or suffering, or just made you question my character.  I enjoy my time on Mindsay immensely, love getting to read updates from all of you, and only have the best intentions when conversing with you.  If I ever did or said anything that led you to believe the contrary, please let me know so I can work to repair it further.

It was only a week ago that I was blessed to receive a wonderful visit from Rebekah and Josh. I'm not quite over their absence! It was dreamlike how we all got along so well. It's been so long since I've had company, that when I finally had it again, it was a race to do all the things I've wanted to do with guests ever since I moved into my little forest side apartment several years ago. I remember when I moved in foreseeing where and how I'd entertain guests. But I don't get out much and don't have much to entertain with, lucky for me I have friends who love to talk and share their lives with me. Visiting with Rebekah, Josh, and Savannah was a real breath of fresh air that cleared up the loneliness in my home. Even my cat, Mr. Snuggles, warmed up to everyone and acted the official greeter at my door. I have to have guests over more often and I have to travel again to meet more of my special friends.



I feel very blessed to have such interesting and talented friends. Here's a little break down of the lovely visit we had last weekend:



I watched WAITING while WAITING for friends

First, I wasn't sure if they were coming. We had discussed over and over again organizing a visit. On the scheduled day of their arrival, Josh told me that they'd be leaving or arriving (I wasn't sure which) at 11am. Me being the lazy girl I am, put off some minor housecleaning that Saturday, so I go up at 8am to put the finishing touches on my place. Then 11am came and went. By the time it got to be 1pm, I put in a dvd and snacked on a few hotdogs. The movie I watched was Waiting  which was very timely considering I was watching Waiting while waiting for my friends to arrive! I didn't even realize I was making a funny until Josh pointed it out once they were in my living room.



I am tucked away behind those ugly Village Apartments

By 2pm I paused Waiting to answer the phone. I debated picking up because my father had been calling me asking for money. But these days we is all broke! I didn't have to despair too long because on the other line was Josh's quiet, thoughtful voice telling me they were in town trying to figure out which apartment complex I was in. They had parked right in front of apartments I once lived in when I was a freshmen in college. Apartments that hadn't changed since the time I lived in them 18 years ago! So I just walked across the street and showed them, on foot, where to go. It was amazing to finally recieve warm hugs from Rebekah. It was as if we'd always known each other. Sure, we've been blog friends on Mindsay for five years, but you never know how a face-to-face meeting is going to go until, well, until you're right there face-to-face! The strongest sense I got from Rebekah is that we're sisters. Her scent, her voice, her laugh... so familiar to me. I wasn't sure if Josh and Savannah were going to warm up to me, but I was soon to discover I had nothing to worry about.



My apartment complex is a little weird. Each building is a little hut or hobbit-like dwelling with each apartment on a sort of pie wedge. I absolutely love it because living there is like living in a cabin. Located right next to the university's nature reserve, it's as close as I can get to living like I'm camping 24/7! Rebekah and entourage seemed to be right at home at my home.



We were old friends meeting for the first time

I felt a little self conscious, so I went firstly into tour guide mode. First exploring my little place, letting them play with Mr. Snuggles (who really soaked up their attention!), and then we were off for downtown where I introduced them to my friend Dala (who owns a really cool imported goods store where I do the window displays and signs) and got to show off some nice antique buildings. Every small city has little hidden away details only I seem to pick up on. It was great to spend time with people who knew "my language" which was the architectural terminology and art history references. I don't always talk like I'm reading from a book but occasionally I've had to explain what I'm talking about. No need to explain anything with Rebekah and Josh.



Biggest regret: I wasn't able to record the visit on my camera!

The only sad thing was I wasn't able to be Rebekah's photography buddy that day. It wasn't my fault and couldn't be fixed right away. All my photo memory cards were full and, after some trail and error, we discovered that my digital camera is out of date and only takes 1GB memory cards. Oh, no! Rebekah and I did our best to find a place nearby that carried a card my camera would take, but no such luck. Only 2GB cards are sold now and we didn't have a lot of time to go searching for long. They still gave me a cheap 2GB card anyway in the hopes we could go clicking away together another day. Days later I discovered that I have to upgrade my camera to take 2GB or more memory cards. However, poor me doesn't have the software available and I can't download anything onto the university library computers, so needless to say, until I can get on someone else's computer to do so, I have to wait for this upgrade.



In the meantime, Rebekah was the main photographer. She took pix of silly me standing in front of some lovely buildings. I also made sure she explored the Fox Theatre where Houdini once performed regularly back in the early 20th century. Back then it was known as the Fox Opera House. You can still see the original designs on the building, a theatre long out of use since 1985. It is now a giant house of bats. Several colonies of bats subsist in this place. I used to walk downtown late at night to catch sight of those bats. They're wonderful! But we didn't see any bats on this visit.



Food warms the heart

It is always hard for me to decide where to eat with friends. Food is one thing that can bind people together. My other regret was I had no money or resources to fix a meal or potluck with my guests. I don't cook often, but it's one of those things I love to do when I have company. It's all part of that sharing process. I don't even though if I'm a good cook, but I try. Perhaps it's best we went out to eat! There are some cute little places in Stevens Point to eat at. One of my favorites is the Gyro and Kabob House where you can sit down on cushions and eat with your hands. My other favorite places are Green Tea (a lovely Chinese/South Asian restaurant where they serve free homemade green tea with your meal) and The Wooden Chair (an antique place that serves the best breakfast and lunch in town). Walking past The Wooden Chair, Josh thrilled to seeing an antique bike hanging up on the wall inside. There is so much more inside! Too bad they were only open for breakfast and lunch, closed by 2pm. Maybe next visit we'll indulge. Inside we ended up in another place I love called Guu's on Main. Guu's twenty years ago was once The Unique but after a few name and owner changes over the years, they still serve fantastic gourmet sandwiches and burgers that won't take too big of a bite out of your budget. Stepping into the bar is a little like stepping back in time as well. The walls are filled with old advertisements and movie posters, my favorite being a vintage STRIPES poster with a young Bill Murray posing as a smug Uncle Sam gazing affectionately at two innocent women.



In between bites, Rebekah, Josh, and I talked about nostalgia -- all the things we like we have in common and it was so nice to have that comraderie! The dinner we had refreshed my spirit as well as my stomach, but I was so excited around them, just so bubbling with happiness, it sat in my chest and lower back painfully. I had to remember to breathe more often, too. We were talking miles in minutes. You know how it is to try to get out as much talk as possible in a short amount of time? That's what our visit together was like. A race to get out all our words and share as much as possible before the inevitable parting of ways.



I hear her voice and start to run into the trees

We next headed for the woods. Darkness was fast stretching over us like an old dog hounding us. In the sunset light of deepest dusk, we walked through the trees and talked about ghosts, supernatural creatures, and other fond monsters we've met in our dreams. Our forest walk was special. Even the misquitoe bites we got were a small price to pay for exposing ourselves to the green. The moon was full and gold, like a big coin deposited in the sky, so big and seemingly so near, we could've reached up and grabbed it. Rebekah got as close to Lake Joanis as possible to record the Moon rise at the surface of the water. In the dark I saw her sink down to the shore beyond the tall grass and cattails. While Josh and I talked with Savannah, eventually we got a little worried. "Did you fall in, Rebekah?" Nope. She popped her little head up almost like a swan or human-maiden-shaped Loch Ness Monster and hopped back up to us on land, camera in hand.



Things I forgot to mention!

Before all of our little adventures, we exchanged gifts. Just a few little things I've been too forgetful to send out in the mail, of course. I gave Rebekah and Savannah two homemade paper journals that I decorated with glitter. I also gave them a book called "Lydia Cassatt Reading the Morning Paper" by Harriet Scott Chessman. It's a book I found to be of great comfort. Artists aren't just about their art, they have family and friends who influence what they do. One of my favorite and influential artists is Mary Cassatt -- her prints, drawings, paintings... so personal and emotional to me. I loved reading about the relationship she had with her sister. I hope Rebekah gets a kick out of it as well. There are so many stories behind each painting... and so many imagined. Oh, I can image if we all ever took a trip to an art gallery or museum we'd have ourselves a grand ol'time.



Rebekah gave me this lovely bright neon fuschia nail color. I put it on the Sunday after their visit and is shown in the photographs above. It lasted for a whole week before beginning to chip. It dried faster than my usual OPI nail laquers. The color was awesome. I'll wear it out again eventually! For now I have more conservative color on called "I'll Take the Cake" by OPI -- it is a sugar rose pink beige, fairly sheer, but really brings out the white parts of my nails in a way that reminds me of a French manicure. However, since I've been short on cash, at the end of this week I also ran out of nail polish remover, so there are still a few fuschia bits underneath the sheer sugar rose color, like little bits of lipstick smear that are just enough to remind me of Rebekah's gift!



All in all, it was wonderful to experience these people offline, to take walks, to talk long talks, and dream of travelling to visit and meet other friends on or off Mindsay. It was also a reassurance that I'm not alone in the world, that there are plenty of souls out there who are of a like-mind. We are all related in one way or another and, therefore, must be excellent to each other!



Love you all.

Here's a song that reminds me of the pleasant journey we had:


  


I know everything about you,

You know everything about me,

Know everything about us

from EMPIRE OF THE SUN, We Are the People

I have seen many couples in my life, some that should be together, some that can't be together, some that wish they were together, some that wish they never had gotten together, some that hope they get together someday, some that always knew they would get together, some that are very unlikely pairings to the outsider, some couples like my ex husbands aunt/uncle who danced at our wedding and everyone just stopped to watch because they just danced so well together that they looked like they had been dancing together forever, but the one that I witnessed on my recent trip to Maryland has left my heart in a state of absolute awe. The couple I am speaking of is Dismh8 & Resable . Considering this is the first time that Kim and I just met them, it was uncanny how we both felt like we were watching a perfectly matched pair in action from the minute we joined them. They compliment each other in so very many ways, it was just so nice being around them. Theirs was not a loud, scream in your face type of love, nor was it a meek and humble type of love. It was solid, beautiful and very self assured. They both have very good conversational skills so it wasn't like one carried the whole show! They had their little private jokes and "ha ha" moments while we were there, but even when you were in the midst of them sharing those, you never felt that uncomfortable uneasiness that one can feel when you are with a couple that seems so much in love. We never felt like we were intruding on their "couple time". We felt like we were a welcome addition to it. Yet the underlying "love" they have for each other was always there. Dev is very much a gentleman in his treatment of Resa (well, all of us girls actually) but most especially with Resa. Always offering his hand, or arm when we were out walking, always looking out for her...just warmed my heart! Resa on the other hand, was not a typical "gushy" female either. She was warm, confident, and loving. A sense of pride over "my guy" yet not territorial the way women can be was so refreshing, it was such a pleasure to be around. We got to hear how they were friends before they started dating (I highly recommend it) and we witnessed the bond they have. There is not a bond any tighter, and they are very secure in their love for each other. I myself have not ever experienced or been in this type of HEALTHY AND LOVING relationship and often times in my life when I have been the 3rd wheel with another couple, I have felt the want/need to steal a little bit of the spotlight/attention for myself and I know I feel jealous and whiney about what I have never had...you know the old "why can't I have someone like that?" This has to be the first time in my entire adult life where I was in the presence of a man who is not only attractive, but attentive, kind, gentlemanly, and just a pleasure to be around (Resa, you know he's a keeper!) and I felt no urge to be anything other than glad that they both welcomed me into their home/world.  It was so fun for both Kim and I to just enjoy watching them love each other...the funny little things they say to each other, the unspoken things they already know about each other, the stolen looks, the way he held her hand, or the sweet and affectionate way he snuggled his head into her shoulder when he was getting tired when we girls were just getting started on the girl talk and chatter.........

I have to say honestly, that if this is what real, healthy love is like, I want some!  However...if I can't have something that is just as real as what Resa and Dev have...then I'd rather be alone! 

Ladies and gentlemen.......This is a real love story!!!  I could go on and on and I actually feel like this blog is not even adequate to describe what they have, it pales in comparison to what Kim and I witnessed!  It was just too incredible and left my heart forever touched!  Thank you two for sharing that with us!

 

 

I tend to pick up people easily. When I am extroverting I am cheerful, peppy, generous and a little bit funny. And I like to meet new people in the eternal hope that they will become the soul friends that all women need in order to survive. It is safe to say I know a fair number of people I could invite to dinner. Who would send cards when I am sick. But the number of soul friends I have had and currently have in my life is very small. So that’s what this note is about.

Let me define soul friend. This is the woman from whom you have no secrets. Who know you at your best and worst and continues to love you. This is the woman you would strip naked emotionally and physically in front of and know there would be no condemnation- even if she disagreed she would share that with you with compassion and love in her voice.

Currently I have four of these in my life. That’s a blessing even though it is a small number. It could have been six but two of them I fucked up because I was too young and arrogant to know what I had and their jealousy of my life made it impossible for me to be myself with them and I didn’t understand fully back then who was suitable or maybe how to be a really great friend.

I am going to start with the two I lost because I am never going to let that happen again. Both were in Colorado. One was the wife of a woman whose now ex husband went to law school together. After law school he dumped her and she had a hard time- as one would expect- but she was very needed, coveted what I had ( not being dumped and now having a spouse who earned a very nice salary while she had to still do secretarial work). Even window shopping became forbidden because she would say things like …well you couldn’t that but I never can. And if I got a gift or changed the house I was afraid to even let her know. The one thing she felt she had that wasn’t available to me was ex with any tom dick or bigger dick, and so she became pretty promiscuous and even had sex in my bathroom during a dinner party at my house. So you can see why we drifted apart.

The other was a Social Worker who was the most fun simpatico woman I had met in ages. When we were together we were like teens. Trying on lipsticks and then kissing each other on the cheeks while REAL teens gawked at us . We shared dressing rooms and swapped cock tail dresses and howled with laughter. And once we spent house shut in a squash court while we both cried about our lives. She about her several marriages and divorces and me about my lack of career. But I adored her and I don’t know any specific thing that happened- she moved from Denver and we lost touch and then she came back and it just wasn’t the same. I still can get deeply sad about the loss if her. And now I don’t even know how to find her to beg her to forgive me. We Jews do that in Elul.

But I do have 4 left: and I wont go on too much about them except to say I worship them. Hope I give as much to them as they give to me and in dark moments wonder why they put up with me and in bright moments never question it. I just thank the fates our paths crossed.

Arlene I have known the longest. We were VISTA roommates and now in our 60’s can vacation together because our husbands are so similar and we all love each other. Every day she teaches me patience and how to wait and how to love without reservation. Her laugh in infectious, her face luminous and her blue blue eyes are like the ocean. Words can't express how much I love her.

Diane in Alabama looks like Princess Diana. She has a moral center that is so obvious that in a group- and I have served on many boards and committees with her – when she finally speaks up it doesn’t matter what we all have been discussing, everyone looks at her with this DUH look because she hits it on the head and articulates the right compassionate and sensible thing to do. And she has three girls that are amazing women in their own rights.

Diane in Connecticut- formerly Denver- I met when her older child was in my preschool class and then when I graduated to a chi-chi private school Em graduated too and she was in my class for two years. I held off being her friend until I was no longer Em’s teacher.
A genuine sacrifice because Diane has a depth of soul and wisdom born from sadness that none of us should ever have to experience. First of all she was gracious and kind to even person who crossed her path. She was always independently wealthy and never let that get in the way of who her friends were. She mix comfortably with the governor or a guy who was asking for coins on the street. Plus she took sides. Friends should take sides. And when a friend was wronged she was THERE. Telling you how okay you were and unfairly you had been treated….. and this is going to make me cry now. She was never jealous of my love for her daughter. So Emily became the girl I could take to the nutcracker. Or for high tea or buy her first corsage at a dance recital. And she let me really love Em- as I so badly did because I wasn’t able to have anymore children. And then Em took her own life a after being a star at Yale and Penn Law School. And beloved by so many peers but Em never saw that and in her brilliance was very successful at taking her own life. And Diane let me grieve without telling me her grief was bigger than mine. And a day doesn’t go by when I don’t think of Em and how much I loved her and how much she stole from us by leaving this world.

And now here in Portland I met Toni. We met when I was giving away a bed frame on Craig’s list and she called and said she and her son had been playing on the bed and it broke and she needed one. SO she came by to get it and there was this instant CLICK. And now 4 years later there is no one else in Portland who makes me laugh or cry or entertains or cares for me (except Jim) the way Toni does. And we can make fun of each others fat. And hang out for 9 hours straight and still not want to part because every time I see I feel my humanity and goodness a little more. She thinks I am going to make hoards of important friends here and drop her which is so utterly ridiculous. And next week she and her son and I are going to the amusement park so we can crash into each other in bumper cars and eat junk food and spend quarters in the arcade. And how often do you meet a woman _ who is beautiful inside and out and doesn’t now it and to whom you confess your worst sins and she laughs and hugs you? I mean , is this amazing? Who needs crowds? They are going to mourn me or I am going to mourn them but the point is we know that these days on earth are brightened and given greater meaning by knowing them. And that we can even believe that we brighten their lives too. Oh shit. I my eyes are burning from the moisturizer and tears mix. But crying over love is okay.

I just wish we all lived within 5 miles from each other and we would be the yaya sisterhood because I know these women would all love one another. I know it !!