Friends With Benefits @ MindSay 
friends
So, I've kinda started seeing this guy...
His name's Rich and he's just... Awesome.
I mean, he's SUPER talented! Plays piano, guitar and drums!
Not to mention he's way hot and an uberly good kisser.
We're not like dating or anything, cuz I don't want to be "tied-down" atm, but it's more or less kinda a Friends With Benefits situation.
It makes me happy to know that he actually wants me, not just in like a sexual way, but he wants to hang out more and get to know me better.
We hung out last night from like 12:30am to 8:30am. He took me home before he went into work. He tried to teach me how to play guitar, but it wasn't happenin' so swell last night. I was way too tired. *LOL*
So, I am now officially not depressed anymore and totally looking forward to spending more time with him.
Anyways, why is it that when I try this friends with benefits thing that I fall for the guy??
I have never even thought about trying it, until this guy could look at me with glowing eyes and tell me I am pretty and then tell me that he has a domestic partnership with this other guy.
I think I am falling for him god help me!!
I think I am going to finish my applications to Sally Beauty Supply and Starbucks and Payless Shoes, so leave me nice things...
those of u that read the convo i had with j two nights ago may have caught me talking about last friday. in short, what happened was reanna was supposed to drive down n hang out w/ me n i told her that if that didn't work i could probably get a ride from my parents up there. well, at like 3:20 i called her cuz i was tired of waiting n she said our friend Zach was in town. now, as much as i'm mad at j, i know he likes reanna n i knew it would hurt him a lot to hear that she was already fucking some other guy, so i didn't tell him that. next time i might. but yeah, basically reanna really likes zach n wants to date him, but zach doesn't want a relationship. he pretty much wants friends w/ benefits, but u know, TRUE friends w/ benefits as in they're actually friends! he's not just using her for sex, they actually hang out n do other stuff like friends do. they just also have sex, lol. but n e way, as soon as she said Zach was there i knew she was gonna flake on me. i knew she was gonna blow me off so she could keep fucking some guy, n i've been thinking a lot since then about if i would have done the same thing if i were in that situation, especially knowing that my friend was feeling suicidal. i mean, i remember days that i couldn't be intimate w/ Nam or that i could barely even sleep when i was super worried about Anna because i knew she was having a hard time. then again i have changed into the kind of person that's so desperate for a lay that i keep letting some asshole fuck me (j), but what if he liked me or loved me? what if it was the kinda thing Zach n Reanna have? well, sure enough, she flaked on me n then all this crap n i cut myself n cried n blah blah blah. n seeing that j was running off to a rave didn't make me feel n e fucking better, either.
then at 2:30am i got a phone call n when i looked at my phone i saw it was from Zach. i was thinking, "well its kinda late to hang out now" n i answered n apparently what had happened was reanna's ex, ryan, called her while the two of them were in bed together n he had a conversation w/ him while Zach was STILL IN THE FUCKING ROOM! Zach may not want a relationship w/ her, but he still likes her and he even cares about her enough that he called me, a good friend of hers, to talk about her n try to understand wtf is wrong w/ her. it was really nice getting to talk about all the shit about reanna that pisses me off. I told Zach that i knew she was gonna flake on me when she said he was there, n he said that they'd both felt bad. I didn't doubt that, i'm sure they did, but i knew she would do it. i even explained that i wondered if i'd do the same thing under the same circumstances n i'm not sure that i would. we talked for a long time n after talking to him i came to realize something- reanna doesn't seem to realize there's other things u can do with boys than have sex with them. For example, Zach took her out on a date once. She said when they got back it was awkward cuz she thought he wanted sex n she didn't want to have sex. When i was talking to Zach, apparently what had happened was he was supposed to take her on a date n he called her to see if they were still doing it. at the time she was working on her car with Ryan. i'm honestly surprised that she didn't flake on him n just fucked ryan again. Zach said that when she called him n he showed up she hadn't changed at all n still looked grubby from working on the car. he took her out n they came back, n all she seemed to want to do was be with ryan again. after hearing his side of the story it made me think about how fast she moves in relationships n how she acts when she likes guys or they like her. it explains another reason why she's so weird about j having a crush on her, because she thinks all he wants is to fuck her. Now, granted, i'm assuming that all of u reading this have had crushes on ppl before. u know that yes, in a way, when u have a crush on someone u kinda wanna sleep w/ them, but its not the main thought in ur head n its usually not the first one. The first one is usually, "wow they're so funny" or "wow they're so smart" not "hey i'd like to hit that." lust does not equal love n crushes are a hint of love. she doesn't seem to understand that some boys want more than sex from girls, but after her previous relationships i can see why she'd feel this way. her n ryan weren't even dating a week before they started fucking n he wanted it so bad that he'd even go n cheat on her every chance that he got. its no wonder she thinx that's all guys want. i also explained how frustrating it is to be friends w/ her when she gets so much attention from guys. yeah, if i got attention from guys like she does i probably wouldn't like it so much, either, but she doesn't realize how fucking lucky she is. i've come to realize that i'm yet again the ugly friend for someone, but i can get more into that later. i could tell that Zach felt better after talking to me, but i didn't just attack her the whole time. i tired to explain to him, too, how difficult it is to let go of someone u've been dating n known intimately for so long. even after me n my ex broke up i still tried the "let's still be friends" bullshit, but no, even when me n Nam were officially dating he constantly tried to get me to cheat on him n shit. n i told Zach what reanna said about how Ryan plans to visit n that if they were still single when he was, they'd fuck.
we didn't hang up until 4:00am n he'd strongly recomended i called Reanna to see if she was ok. i didn't for a moment n i thought for a while whether or not i should. then one of my complex internal struggles began to strike: the old me would have. no matter how mad i was at her or how stupid i thought she was, i used to be such a good friend that i would have done it. ultimately yes, i did only because i felt guilty, but i still called her. she hadn't even realized that he left, n i'm sure if Zach found that out he'd be irritated. based on the way he was talking to me it sounded like she knew he'd gone, but she had no idea. Now she feels like shit because she feels like she fucked things up between them, but i tried telling her that she hadn't lost Zach n to give him time. he had told me over the phone that he still wanted to hang out w/ us, but it sounded like he didn't want to n e time soon. what amazes me is that she does realize that she was in the wrong, but she doesn't seem to realize why it upset him. She kept saying shit like, "he's not my boyfriend, i'm not gonna cut him off unless he is," n i had to explain to her yet again that that's not what Zach was complaining about. What had pissed him off was that she had a very intimate conversation w/ her asshole ex-boyfriend while Zach was laying in bed w/ her after they'd just fucked. only a tad bit inappropriate. Zach even told me that when she acts this way he's not sure she even likes him, and I reassured him that she does. I mean, she's told me that she really likes him a lot. I suppose that because she says so doesn't mean its true, but i'd like to think she wouldn't say that if she didn't.
as i said w/ j, the rest of the weekend was still disappointing. i was really excited when i got there cuz i wanted to go out n meet ppl n do things, but both Reanna and her friend that she's staying w/, Alia, were tired n just wanted to rest. I spent Saturday night just watching TV alone w/ a cat, which i could have just as easily done here in Santa Clara. the difference is that here the cat is Leela and there its Puma. then shortly after midnight i heard Puma going crazy behind the couch, n i thought he was just playing one of those weird cat games that bored cats often play with themselves. Then i saw Reanna's hamster Nubsy running out from under the couch n accross the floor. There was no way i could catch the hamster and restrain the cat myself, so i went into Reanna's room n woke her up, told her what happened, n we were able to grab Nubsy before Puma could get him. The fur on his side was covered in cat saliva, but other than that he seemed fine. Puma kept sniffing around the dryer looking for him n eventually gave up. after about half an hour me n reanna went to bed n i hoped the next day would be better.
On Sunday we went to Telegraph, one of the main streets in Berkeley, n that was ok. we had to get gas, first, n this is when i realized that the house where reanna was staying was down the street pretty much from where j's ex Carly lives. i started triggering but decided not to say n e thing to Reanna. i told her a bit later when we had to go thro that intersection again, but she didn't seem to catch that driving thro that site was something emotionally painful to me. i'm not surprised. Reanna doesn't seem to tune into others' pain nearly as well as she can tune into and bottle up her own. that's just how some ppl are. Telegraph would have been a lot more fun if i had money, cuz what did they do? go shopping. I. Hate. Shopping. I know some of u sexist fucks are probably shocked to hear this from a girl, but seriously, it is sooooooo fucking boring! Especially when u have no money! i don't go shopping unless i have money to spend n the only place i usually go is hot topic because even tho i hate that store i know they're bound to have something i like. we did eventually go to the Vivarium, n that was cool. i got to see all of the aminals, but of course after that they wanted to shop some more. one of the places we went was a make up store n there was some blue mascara reanna was debating trying, but since her n Alia were both already wearing make up they put it on me instead. that was actually kinda cool, lol. My dad called me shortly after that n asked if i was coming home n even tho reanna said yes, i figured she'd flake again n i was right. i was so disappointed by that night that i actually did wanna come back so i could read some more, but i didn't say n e thing. we watched Queen of the Damned, which wasn't that bad, n then we watched Motorcycle Diaries n that was a good movie. the next day Reanna brought me back here n yeah. that's pretty much it. i left some stuff out, but i'm sure it'll come up again.
so now its Friday again n we'll see what happens. Shea said she was gonna call me tomorrow so part of me is kinda hoping that Reanna flakes on me again. i'm not sure Shea will call, but we'll see. I hope she does cuz i'd love to hang out w/ that girl n make real friends w/ her. i told her a bit about my convo w/ j n apparently she's the one j lost his virginity to, which i kinda assumed. i told her that i asked once how old he was when he lost his virginity n he looked kind of ashamed, didn't answer, n i told him he didn't have to answer n e thing he didn't want to. At this he said, "ok, next question" n i asked him something else. (this was after my birthday party so i don't remember exactly what i asked him after that) She enlightened me that it was the summer of their junior year so he was 17. knowing now only makes me wonder more why he didn't want to tell me, but w/e. finding all this dirt on him like this makes me feel a lot better about all of the shit he's made me deal with. :)
I mean, if we weren't somewhat dependent upon others, we would be all alone. We would choose to be all alone. And you know what they say about loners... If you aren't dependent upon someone, hopefully co-dependent for a 2-way friendship, then you are not social and might be dangerous. Ergo, people not in co-dependent relationships are dangerous... Ok, there are some leaps there in the logic, but there are points to be made here.
We choose our friends. We may or may not choose whom we love, but we do choose whom we hang out with. Aren't we drawn to people who satisfy our needs, wants, and desires? Aren't we drawn to people who have the opposite interests and opinions, as well as people with common interests as our own? We want the comfort of the common interests (which can be co-dependency). We want the opposite or different interests and opinions for the challenge, interesting conversations, and for help with things we cannot do as well, and to feel good from helping them. The latter (liking opposite or different people) is more likely the co-dependency aspect, but it helps make us whole and to achieve the best that we can be. We learn from those people.
Why is co-dependency expected in friendships, but not in relationships with significant others (spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends)? The phrase, "what else are friends for?" muttered after a friend helps you, is so common and so constricting at the same time. If that phrase is muttered at you, and you never mutter it to your friends, then you must not be doing your part in the co-dependency relationship; you must be lazy or selfish if that is the case, and you are taking advantage of the friendship. The phrase is also constricting because it sounds like friendship is only meant to be an exchange of favors, and nothing more. Is co-dependency really the only reason for friendship?
Co-dependency has gotten a bad rap, in my opinion. In a significant-other relationship, it is a word spoken carefully because it has such rotten undertones. I have a spouse with just enough similarity for the comfort level, but enough differences to keep it interesting. Together, we could take over the world, because whatever I am not good at, he excels, and vice-versa. "United we stand" kind of thing... He also makes me want to be a better person.
This brings me to the topic of friends with benefits. "Friends with Bene's" if you will. Why is this becoming so common? It is not restricted to any age group [anymore]. Is co-dependency growing beyond the needs of non-sexual favors, to include all kinds of favors, to satisfy all kinds of needs and desires? Do we label it as friends with benefits, because that can remove the stigmatism of the "socially"-accepted negative term "co-dependency" that is easily attached to significant-others relationships?
Are we becoming more co-dependent as a human race? Is that because we are becoming more needy, helpful, ... what?
Co-dependency can be good for a long time. Just remember the rules. "All things in moderation..." and "As long as nobody feels hurt by it". Simple rules, but so difficult to follow... You may need a friend to tell you if you are in a co-dependent relationship. Irony intended.
Ok... I read an article a while back by Kevin Powell (sorry no link…Google him) that pretty much confirms my experience with the opposite sex in AZ. Ya know...the whole sex crazy thing.
And I do agree that Americans are becoming more obsessed with sex than previous generations. Although, I wonder if it's a result of our society's outlook on how sex and nudity are portrayed in media.
With that being said, I had a conversation with Abbey and another co-worker we'll call Hilary, on account of the fact that she irritates you like Hilary off of the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air", so fake. I've never cared for her since I met her, but that's another story. Anyways, I was recounting a conversation I had earlier in the week with our mutual friend GA Peach about my up and coming trip. Peach told me to make sure I took plenty of rubbers (she actually said condoms with her southern belle twang, but I hate that word...it's like saying prophylactic). I told them what I told Peach, I don't get down like that. They were like why not? Imagine my shock. Please keep in mind that everyone is married.
Now, I'm far from a prude but I do try and maintain a few mortals now that I'm older. Like everyone, I've done questionable things, but contrary to popular belief, I don't share those things with everyone regardless if it’s trendy or acceptable.
But lately, I've been told by several married chicks that it's okay to have one night stands, it's okay to fuck random guys when you're out of state, All because I'm single. Gimme me a fucking break.
I think we single and not so single women are more sexually promiscuous these days because we're in a pissing contest with men. If you can do it, so can we! But the thing is that we, women, forget is we're not men. We don't think like them. They can have no emotional repercussions from fucking a broad and not even knowing her name, unless they get caught by their woman, of course. lol
We, women on the other hand are emotional and plus we're dealing with the whole "act like a lady" mantra that's we've been brainwashed with since we were 2 or 3 years old.
So, yes eventually, we can get to that where we can fuck men in the same matter as guys fuck girls, but at what cost? At the cost of being jaded because the guy who’s our friend with benefits doesn’t see us a woman, only has an outlet. At the cost of not meeting any real men, because there are so many women performing stupid porno tricks for free to who ever seems interested. I think it’s a constant struggle.
Now don’t think I’m bitter because I’m not….or that I need to get some ass ASAP. Actually, I do have plans to get laid today. LOL. Seriously, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wish it wasn’t so PC to be fucking out of control.
Think about it, ten years ago you knew very few adults that would even admit to having a threesome, now we’ve got kids going into college who have a zillion video clips of their group activities stored on their razor phones. Where’s the tenderness! Where’s the afterglow! LMAO
So, here’s my question: Do your actions and conduct in your sex life significantly define you?
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